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VII
Simon the Warrior heard of these things next morning, and went to his brother.
“Tell me,” he said, “where did you get the soldiers from, and where did you take them to?”
“What does it matter to you?”
“Matter, indeed! With soldiers one can do anything. One can conquer a kingdom.”
Ivan wondered.
“Really! Then why didn’t you tell me before?” he said. “I will make you as many soldiers as you like. It is well Malania and I have threshed so much straw.”
Ivan took his brother to the barn and said, “Look here, if I make the soldiers you must take them away at once, for if we have to feed them they will eat up the whole village in a day.”
Simon the Warrior promised to take the soldiers away, and Ivan began to make them. He banged a sheaf on the threshing-floor and a company appeared. He banged another sheaf and a second company appeared. He made so many soldiers that they filled the whole field.
“Are there enough now?” he asked.
Simon was overjoyed and said, “That will do, Ivan, thank you.”
“Very well. If you want more, come back and I’ll make them for you. There is plenty of straw this year.”
Simon the Warrior soon put his troops in order, and went away to make war.
He had no sooner gone than Taras the Pot-bellied came along. He, too, had heard of yesterday’s affair and he said to his brother, “Tell me where you get gold money from. If only I could get hold of some I could make it bring in money from the whole world.”
Ivan wondered.
“Really? Then why didn’t you tell me before? I’ll make you as much as you like.”
Taras was overjoyed.
“I shall be satisfied with three baskets full,” he said.
“Very well; come into the wood,” Ivan said; “but I had better harness the mare, for you won’t be able to carry it away.”
They rode into the wood. Ivan began to rub the oak leaves, and made a heap of gold.
“Is it enough?” he asked.
Taras was overjoyed.
“It will do for the present, thank you, Ivan,” he said.
“Very well,” Ivan said; “if you want more, come back and I’ll make it for you. There are plenty of leaves left.”
Taras the Pot-bellied gathered up a whole cartload of money, and went off to trade.
Both brothers had gone – Simon to make war and Taras to trade. And Simon the Warrior conquered a kingdom, and Taras the Pot-bellied made much money in trade.
When the two brothers met they told each other how they had come by their soldiers and money.
Simon the Warrior said to his brother, “I have conquered a kingdom for myself and live well, only I have not enough money to feed my soldiers.”
And Taras the Pot-bellied said, “I have made a heap of money, only unfortunately I have no one to guard it.”
And Simon the Warrior said, “Let us go to our brother Ivan. I will ask him to make more soldiers and give them to you to guard your money, and you must ask him to make more money and give it to me to feed my soldiers.”
And they came to Ivan.
And Simon said, “I haven’t enough soldiers, brother. Will you make another couple of sheaves for me?”
Ivan shook his head.
“No,” he said; “I won’t make you any more soldiers.”
“But you promised you would.”
“I know I promised, but I won’t make any more.”
“Why not, you fool?”
“Because your soldiers killed a man. I will not let you have any more.”
And he was obstinate, and would not make any more soldiers.
Then Taras the Pot-bellied asked Ivan the Fool to make him more golden money.
Ivan shook his head.
“No,” he said; “I won’t make any more money.”
“But you promised.”
“I know I promised, but I won’t make any more.”
“Why not, you fool?”
“Because your money took a cow away from a woman in the village.”
“But how can that be?”
“The woman had a cow. The children used to drink the milk, but the other day they came to beg a little milk of me. ‘But where’s your cow?’ I asked them, and they said, ‘Taras’ bailiff came and gave mother three golden coins and she gave him the cow; now we have no milk to drink.’ I thought you only wanted to play with the golden coins, but you’ve taken away the cow from the children; I won’t give you any more.”
And the Fool was obstinate and kept to his word.
And the brothers went away and deliberated over their difficult situation in order to find a way out.
Simon said, “This is what we must do. You give me some of your money to feed my soldiers, and I’ll give you half my kingdom and soldiers to guard your money.”
Taras agreed. The brothers divided their possessions, and both became kings and both were rich.
VIII
And Ivan lived at home, supporting his father and mother and working in the fields with his deaf and dumb sister.
One day Ivan’s yard-dog fell sick. He grew mangy, and was near dying. Ivan pitied it. He took a piece of bread from his sister, put it in his cap, carried it out and threw it to the dog. The creases in his cap parted and out rolled one of the little roots with the bread. The dog ate it up. As soon as it had swallowed the root it began to jump about and bark and play and wag its tail. It was quite well again.
The father and mother were amazed.
“How did you cure the dog?” they asked.
And Ivan said, “I had two little roots that could cure any pain, and the dog swallowed one.”
It happened at the time that the King’s daughter fell ill, and the King proclaimed to every town and village that he would reward any man who could cure her, and that if he were an unmarried man he should have her for his wife. The news came to Ivan’s village.
And the father and mother summoned Ivan and said to him, “Have you heard of the King’s promise? You told us you had a little root that could cure any sickness; go, cure the King’s daughter, you will then be happy for life.”
“Very well,” Ivan said, “I will go.”
And Ivan prepared himself for the journey, and they dressed him in his best clothes. When he came out on the doorstep he saw a beggar-woman with a crippled hand.
“I heard that you can cure the sick,” she said. “Cure my hand, for I cannot even put on my own shoes.”
“Very well,” Ivan said. And he took the little root out of his cap, gave it to the beggar-woman and told her to swallow it. As soon as she swallowed it, she recovered, and began to wave her hand.
The father and mother came out to bid good-bye to Ivan, and they heard that he had given away his last root and had nothing left with which to cure the King’s daughter, and they began to scold him.
“You pity a beggar-woman, yet have no pity for the King’s daughter,” they reproached him.
But Ivan was sorry for the King’s daughter. He harnessed the mare, threw some straw into the cart and got in.
“Where are you going to, you fool?”
“To cure the King’s daughter.”
“But you have nothing to cure her with now.”
“It doesn’t matter,” he said, and drove away.
He came to the King’s palace, and as soon as he stepped over the threshold the King’s daughter got well.
The King was overjoyed. He ordered Ivan to be brought to him, and dressed him in fine clothes.
“You must be my son-in-law,” he said.
“Very well,” Ivan said.
And Ivan married the princess. Her father died soon after, and Ivan became King.
All three brothers were now kings.
IX
The three brothers lived and reigned.
The elder brother Simon the Warrior lived well. With his straw soldiers he gathered together real soldiers. Throughout the whole of his kingdom he ordered a levy of one soldier for every ten houses, and each soldier had to be tall and whole of body and clean of face. In this way he gathered many soldiers and trained them. If any one opposed him he sent his soldiers off at once and imposed his will, and people began to fear him. His life was a very goodly one. Whatever he saw and wanted was his. He sent his soldiers and they brought him all he wanted.
Taras the Pot-bellied also lived well. He did not lose the money Ivan had given him, but increased it a hundredfold. He introduced law and order into his kingdom. He stowed his money away in coffers and levied taxes on the people. There was a poll-tax, and tolls for walking and driving, and a tax on shoes and stockings and frills. He got whatever he wanted. For money people brought him everything, and even worked for him, for every one wanted money.
Ivan the Fool, too, did not live badly. As soon as his father-in-law was dead he took off his royal robes and gave them to his wife to stow away in a chest. And he put on his coarse linen shirt and breeches and peasant shoes and began to work once more.
“It’s so dull for me,” he said. “I’ve got fat, lost my appetite and can’t sleep.”
He brought his father and mother and sister to live with him, and began to work as of old.
“But you are a king,” people remonstrated.
“Even a king must eat,” he said.
One of his ministers came to him and said, “We have no money to pay salaries.”
“Don’t pay them, then,” he said.
“But no one will serve us.”
“What does it matter? They needn’t. They’ll have more time for work. There’s the manure to cart; heaps of it lying about.”
When people came to Ivan for justice and said, “That man stole my money,” Ivan said, “Never mind; he must have wanted it.”
And all realized that Ivan was a fool. And his wife said to him, “People say you are a fool.”
“What does it matter?” Ivan said.
His wife reflected awhile, but she was also a fool.
“Why should I go against my husband?” she said. “Where the needle goes, the thread follows.”
So she took off her royal robes, put them away in a chest and went to Malania to learn to work. When she knew how, she began to help her husband.
All the wise left Ivan’s kingdom, and only the fools remained.
Nobody had money. They lived and worked, fed themselves and others.
X
The old Devil waited and waited for news of the Devilkins. He was expecting to hear that they had ruined the three brothers, but no news came. He set out himself to find them. He searched and searched, and found nothing but three holes.
“They’ve not been able to manage it, evidently,” he thought. “I must tackle the job myself.”
He went to look for the brothers, but they were no longer in their old places. He found them in their different kingdoms. All three lived and reigned. The old Devil was annoyed.
“Now we’ll see what I can do!” he said.
First of all he went to King Simon.
He did not go in his own shape, but disguised himself as a general. In that guise he appeared before King Simon.
“I have heard that you are a great warrior, King Simon,” he said. “I am well versed in these things and want to serve you.”
And King Simon began to ask him all manner of questions, and seeing that he was a clever man, he took him into his service.
The new commander instructed King Simon how to collect a large army.
“First of all,” he said, “we must get more soldiers. There are many idle people in your kingdom. We must conscript all the young men without exception, then you will have an army five times as large as the one you have now. Secondly, we must get new guns and cannons. I will get guns that will fire a hundred bullets at one shot; they will rain out like peas. And I will get cannons that will consume with fire either man or horse or wall; they will burn everything.”
King Simon listened to the new commander, and enrolled all the young men as soldiers and built new factories where he manufactured new guns and cannons, then he made war on a neighbouring king. As soon as he was faced by the opposing army, King Simon ordered his soldiers to rain bullets against it and shoot fire from their cannons, in this way wiping out half the hostile troops. The neighbouring king was alarmed; he surrendered and gave up his kingdom. King Simon rejoiced.
“Now,” he said, “I will make war on the King of India.”
And the King of India heard of King Simon’s doings. He adopted all his methods, and invented some improvements of his own. He not only enrolled all the young men as soldiers, but the unmarried women as well, and in consequence had a larger army than King Simon. And he made guns and cannons like King Simon’s, and invented machines to fly in the air and drop explosive bombs from above.
And King Simon set out to make war on the King of India, thinking he would beat him as easily as he had beaten the other king, but the scythe that had cut so well had lost its edge. The King of India did not give Simon time to open fire, for he sent his women to fly in the air and drop explosive bombs on Simon’s troops. And the women rained down bombs from above like borax upon cockroaches and Simon’s troops scattered and fled, and Simon was left alone.
The King of India took possession of Simon’s kingdom, and Simon the Warrior escaped as best he could.
Having disposed of this brother, the old Devil went to King Taras.
He changed himself into a merchant and settled in Taras’ kingdom, where he opened establishments and began to circulate money freely. He paid high prices for everything, and the people flocked to him for the sake of the extra profit. And the people came to have so much money that they were able to settle all their arrears and to pay their taxes at the proper time. King Taras rejoiced.
“Thanks to the merchant,” he thought, “I have more money than ever, and I’ll be able to live better than I used to.”
And he began making all sorts of new plans, and decided to have a new palace built for himself. He proclaimed to the people that he wanted timber and stone and labour, for which he was prepared to pay a high price. King Taras thought that for his money people would flock to work for him as of old. But lo! all the timber and stone was taken to the merchant, and all the labourers flocked to work for him. King Taras raised his price, and the merchant raised his. King Taras had much money, but the merchant had more and beat the King. The King’s palace could not be built.
King Taras had arranged to make a new garden. When the autumn came he proclaimed that he wanted men to come and plant his garden, but no one came, for the people were all digging for the merchant.
Winter came. King Taras wanted to buy some sable skins for a new coat. He sent a messenger to buy it, but the messenger returned empty-handed, and said that there were no sable skins, for the merchant had bought them all at a higher price, and made himself a sable carpet.
King Taras wanted to buy some stallions. He sent a messenger, but the messenger returned and said that the merchant had all the good stallions; they were carting water for him to make a pond.
And the King’s plans fell to pieces, for no one would work for him. All worked for the merchant, and only brought him the merchant’s money to pay the taxes.
And the King came to have so much money that he did not know where to put it all, but he lived badly. The King gave up making plans; he would have been contented to live quietly somehow, but even that was difficult. He was hampered on all sides. His cook and coachman and servants left him to go to the merchant’s. He even went short of food. When he sent to the market to buy some provisions there were none left, for the merchant had bought up everything, and the people only brought the King money for their taxes.
King Taras lost patience and banished the merchant from his kingdom. The merchant settled on the very border, and did exactly the same as before, and for his money the people dragged everything away from the King and brought it to the merchant. Life became very hard for the King. For whole days he did not eat, and to make matters worse a rumour went abroad that the merchant had boasted that he would buy the King himself. King Taras lost courage, and did not know what to do.
Simon the Warrior came to him and said, “Will you support me? I have been beaten by the King of India.”
King Taras himself was in a sad plight.
“I haven’t eaten anything myself for two days,” he said.
XI
Having disposed of the two brothers, the old Devil went to Ivan. He changed himself into a general and came to Ivan, and began to persuade him to set up a large army.
“A king should not live without an army,” he said. “Give me the power, and I’ll collect soldiers from among your people and organize an army.”
Ivan listened to all he had to say.
“Very well,” he said, “organize one, then; only teach the soldiers to sing nice songs, for I like singing.”
And the old Devil went through Ivan’s kingdom to collect a voluntary army. To each recruit who should offer himself he promised a bottle of vodka and a red cap.
The fools laughed at him.
“We have plenty of drink,” they said; “we brew it ourselves, and as for caps, our women can make us any kind we like – embroidered ones and even ones with fringes.”
And no one offered himself.
The old Devil went back to Ivan and said, “Your fools won’t enlist of their own accord; we’ll have to force them.”
“Very well; force them, then.”
And the old Devil proclaimed throughout the kingdom that every man must enlist as a soldier, and if he fails to do so Ivan will have him put to death.
The fools came to the Devil and said, “You tell us that if we won’t enlist as soldiers the King will have us put to death, but you don’t say what will happen to us when we become soldiers. People say that soldiers are killed.”
“You can’t get over that.”
When the fools heard this they kept to their decision.
“We won’t go,” they said. “We’d sooner die at home since we have to die in either case.”
“What fools you are!” the old Devil said. “A soldier may or may not be killed, but if you don’t go King Ivan will have you put to death for certain.”
The fools reflected over this; then went to Ivan the Fool and said, “A general has appeared among us who orders us all to enlist as soldiers. ‘If you go as a soldier,’ he says, ‘you may or you may not be killed, but if you don’t go, King Ivan will have you put to death for certain.’ Is it true?”
Ivan laughed.
“How can I alone have you all put to death? Had I not been a fool I would have explained it to you, but I don’t understand it myself.”
“Then we won’t go,” the fools said.
“Very well, don’t.”
The fools went to the general and refused to enlist as soldiers.
The old Devil saw that his plan would not work, so he went to the King of Tarakan and wormed himself into his favour.
“Come,” he said, “let us go and make war on King Ivan. He has no money, but grain and cattle and all manner of good things he has in abundance.”
The King of Tarakan prepared to make war. He gathered together a large army, repaired his guns and cannons and marched across the border on his way to Ivan’s kingdom.
People came to Ivan and said, “The King of Tarakan is marching on us with his army.”
“Very well; let him,” Ivan said.
When the King of Tarakan crossed the border he sent his vanguard to find Ivan’s troops. They searched and searched, but no troops were to be found anywhere. Should they wait and see if they showed themselves? But there was no sign of any troops and no one to fight with. The King of Tarakan sent men to seize the villages. The soldiers came to one village and the fools – men and women alike – rushed out and stood gaping at them in wonder. The soldiers began to take away their corn and cattle and the fools let them have what they wanted, making no resistance. The soldiers went to another village and the same thing was repeated. And they marched one day and another, and still the same thing happened. Everything was given up without any resistance and the fools even invited the soldiers to stay with them. “If you find it hard to live in your parts, good fellows, come and settle with us altogether.” And the soldiers marched from village to village and no troops were to be found anywhere; the people lived, fed themselves and others; no one offered any resistance and every one invited them to settle there.
And the soldiers grew weary of the job and they went back to their King of Tarakan.
“We can’t fight here,” they said; “take us to another place. This is not war; this is child’s-play. We can’t fight here.”
The King of Tarakan grew angry. He ordered his soldiers to go over the whole kingdom and lay waste the villages and burn the corn and kill the cattle.
“If you won’t do what I tell you,” he said, “I will punish you all.”
The soldiers were frightened and began to carry out the King’s commands. They burnt the houses and corn and killed the cattle. The fools made no resistance, they only wept. The old men wept and the old women and the little children.
“Why do you treat us like this?” they said. “Why do you waste the good things? If you want them, why not take them?”
And the soldiers grew to loathe their work. They refused to go further and the troops dispersed.
