Buch lesen: «The Theatrical Primer», Seite 5

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This man is in a Hurry. He will push the Lady out of His way. That is Right, because the Lady should have Seen him Coming. He has stepped on the Lady's dress! Will he say "excuse me"? Certainly not. How unnecessary, and besides he is in a Hurry. Why does he Hurry so? Because he is very Thirsty. Thirst is a Dreadful thing. Little Children, never be Thirsty.

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Here we have an engaged Couple. Are they not Very loving? See how accidentally he clasps her hand on the arm of the Chair. Now his nose is nestling in Her Hair. What lovely hair oil she uses. How immaculate is his Dress suit. It cost him Two whole dollars and a Half for the Evening. The Seats cost Him two Dollars. He gets eight per. How can he afford such luxuries? Oh, he will stand off his Landlady for a Week. Will the landlady mind that? No, the Landlady was young once herself. It was a long time Ago.

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Do you see the Man who has just come in? How Important is his Bearing. He is going to take the seat next to you, Johnny, so you must be a Good boy. What a big man he is. He spreads over half your seat, and his Feet stick out in the aisle. He is sending the Usher to get him a Programme. How bored he looks; he must Have seen the play several times. See, he has stopped the Water-boy, and has taken Two glasses of Water. How interested he is in the Ladies who go up the Aisle. He must know a Great many of them. No; he is not the Manager, he is the Proverbial Dead-head.

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Here we see the Stage Manager at rehearsal. How quietly he sits in his Chair. His voice is low and he never raises it; his manner is gentle. One of the ladies does not know her part. Notice how encouragingly the Manager speaks to her. He says the best Actresses are poor studies. Oh, one of the men has Forgotten a piece of Business. The low sweet voice of the Stage Manager is heard again. He wants to Know what the Blankety blank blank the Man means. Always keep your temper, children. A soft answer Turneth away Wrath, but a good stiff Punch is more often used. Be like the Stage Manager, little ones, and when you Die you will have lots of company.

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What a large number of Letters. Yes; this is the Actor's mail. Tear some of the letters Open, and let us see who sent them. In this way we will save the Actor trouble and he will Love us. Here is one on Pink paper from Gwendoline. She says the Actor is her Idol. Isn't that nice of Gwendoline? All young girls should encourage the Poor Hard-working Actor with kind words. My! Here is one from Gwendoline's Mother. Perhaps she wants him to meet her daughter. No. She says he reminds her of an old Sweetheart, and will he go Driving with her in the Park! Here is a laundry bill Six months old. Throw it away, Johnny; the Actor will not want to see it. Another letter is from a woman who Wants to know when He is going to pay the alimony. We had better hang this One up where the rest of the Company can see It.

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What lovely diamonds the Actress is wearing. See, she has them all over her. They Must have cost as Much as Five dollars. No; they are not imitation; that is a cruel slander started by a Rival. Perhaps it is the Base rival who steals the Actress's jewels every time they go to a New town. All actresses' diamonds are Real. They wouldn't wear Imitations. Oh, Horrors, no! But they are very unfortunate, for the Diamonds are often Stolen. Are they not Lucky to get them back?

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This play is a Musical Comedy. It says so on the Bills. Bills are very useful, for they tell us a lot of Things we wouldn't know Otherwise. There are two Singing Comedians in the Play. See what Foolish antics they cut up. No, they are not Crazy; they are very, very funny. Listen; one of them is Saying a song. Is it not a shame That they Cannot sing! They would have beautiful voices if they could sing. But then they would not be called Singing Comedians.

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This Man must be a Millionaire. He says he is only a Speculator. Why does he have Wads of Bills between his fingers? That is to show How many Good things he has met. He is a very kind and considerate Gentleman, for he will Sell you Better seats than you can get at the Box Office. They are so Cheap, too. Why, he almost gives them away. How does the Poor man make a Living? Isn't it real Mean of the Management to Try and Drive the Nice Speculator out of Business? And they Try so Hard, too! How does the Speculator get the Tickets if the Management don't want him to? Well, perhaps You will Know when You grow up, because this is the age of Miracles. Most likely he uses Psychic power.

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Here is a voice. It comes from an Aperture in the Face of the Girl sitting behind me. I am glad the voice is very loud and Shrill, because I can hear it above the Silly noise that is being made on the Stage. The Girl says she is an Intimate Friend of the Leading lady. The leading lady has advised her to have her voice cultivated. She is going to Do it, and then she is going on the Stage and Act! Little children, we should be very thankful that it Will take a Long time to Cultivate that Voice.

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How quickly the Usher runs Down the Aisle with the Basket of Flowers. The curtain is coming down; he will be Too late. Ah, the curtain goes Up again. How Gracefully the Orchestra Leader hands the Flowers to the Leading Lady. What a look of Surprise and pleasure is on her face. What a pretty Bow she makes to the Box. Does she Know any one in the Box? Dear me, no. Then where do the Flowers come from? Did the Lady order the Flowers herself? Children, you ask too many questions.

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This is the Child Actress. She is just the Cutest Ever. So childish, and such a good little Actress. She is only seven. Her manager says she is the Wonder of the Age. She can act even better than the Leading lady. Her salary is very Big, for she has to Keep her poor old Mother. See, she is winking at the young Lady in the Box. How much alike they are. Yes, they are Mother and Daughter. But the young Lady is too young a thing to have a Child. Well?

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Here we have the Seat in the Gallery. Is it not Lovely; and so cheap. It and its counterparts are occupied by True Lovers of Art. They are poor, and cannot Afford to sit downstairs. The Gallery Seat has many Charms. There is no room for One's knees, so one cannot grow out of one's clothes while watching the Show. The Fire Commissioner allows Poor People to sit in the Aisles in the Gallery. Is he not Kind?