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Prologue
August
Beth

It’s a gorgeously hot afternoon in August. I am sitting in my kitchen with the patio doors wide open, to let the little breeze there is in, staring at an email I’ve received this morning from my editor, Karen. I’ve been looking at it for several hours, in between trying to get a sketch right for my new picture book. Inspiration isn’t flowing, and several pieces of paper are scattered on the floor.

The Littlest Angel synopsis

By Beth King

This is the story of a little angel, whose job it is to find the baby Jesus. She sets out with a band of angels and gets lost. All she knows is a special baby is being born in Bethlehem, and she has to follow a magic star which has risen in the East in order to get to him.

On her journey she meets a young shepherd boy, a page, a camel, a donkey and finally some sheep, who lead her to where the baby Jesus is. She is the first angel there and sings him the first ever carol.

Beth, I just love this story. And the spreads you’ve worked up are really wonderful. I know we’ll get a lot of interest in this one, I’m only sorry that I won’t be able to take you all the way through, but as you know, my own little arrival is about to put in an entrance. It’s been great working with you, and I’m sure you’ll be in good hands with Vanessa.

I’m wishing you great success for your little angel. You deserve it so much.

Much love

Karen x

It’s great that Karen likes my new idea, not so great that she’s gone on maternity leave during the biggest crisis of my career. Just as I pick up another version of the spread, and decide it’s as rubbish as the rest, I’m sidelined by my mother ringing.

‘So, what are your plans for Christmas?’

Typical Mum, straight to the point as usual.

I swear she asks this question earlier and earlier every year. Just in case Daniel and I have made devious plans to escape the Holroyd Family Christmas and booked a week away somewhere. As if we would. As if we could.

‘Mum, it’s August!’ I protest. I scrumple up the sketch and throw it on the floor, where it joins all the other discarded pieces of paper. I honestly don’t know what’s wrong with me, I don’t normally find it this hard to get my ideas down.

‘And soon it will be September and you’ll be too busy to talk to me.’ My mum does such a good line in passive aggression. I not only speak to her every other day, I’m usually round her house once a week. I am after all the dutiful one of the family. This is my job, while my erstwhile brother, Ged, takes gap years aged thirty-six and at thirty-eight my sister Lou lurches from one disastrous love affair to another. I’m the one who did things right: had a family, moved close to Mum and Dad.

They still live in the cosy cottage where I grew up in the small Surrey town of Abinger Lea. Our house is about a mile away from them. Initially we stayed nearer to London, in the house Daniel’s mum left him, but then when the children came along I needed some help and it seemed like a no-brainer to come here. We like being close to the countryside while having good train links with London, which has been useful for my work. Daniel used to work in an inner-London comprehensive, but he’s just about to start a job in the slightly larger town of Wottonleigh, which is only three miles away. That’s going to make life a lot easier.

It’s not as though I don’t like being near my parents, it’s just that sometimes I wish I wasn’t the ‘good’ sibling. It’s a feeling I’ve had more often than not lately. Mum and Dad are perfectly capable, but I seem to always be doing them little favours, like dropping Mum off into Wottonleigh when Dad’s busy playing golf, or going to the art classes I finally persuaded him to take (he’s always had a creative side, but he keeps it under wraps). And I seem to be on constant call to help them sort out their computer problems. I feel rubbish for being so resentful, particularly as they were always so great about babysitting when the kids were small, but sometimes I feel stifled by the fact that I’ve never quite managed to move away from my family.

Belatedly I realise Mum is still in full flow.

‘Anyway, as I always like to say, fail to prepare—’

‘Prepare to fail. I know, Mum,’ I say. ‘Anyway, we’ll do exactly what we do every year and come to you. I don’t know why you feel you have to ask.’

I’ve occasionally tried to change the ‘Christmas Plan’ by suggesting that I take the slack for Mum and have them all over here, as it’s not as though we don’t have the room. But she always knocks me back, and I’ve given up trying, even though the kids get more and more stroppy about it each year. Sam is going to be eighteen next year and Megan’s fifteen. They’re not little kids any more, and I think Mum forgets that sometimes, and doesn’t quite get that they have other things going on in their lives, particularly around Christmas time. The trouble is, Mum loves doing Christmas, so even though I have a family of my own, I don’t get a look in. The only time I was allowed remotely near the turkey was the year Mum had had a hysterectomy, and even then she sat directing operations from the lounge. Nightmare.

‘I just wanted to check, dear,’ Mum says, ‘in case you might have had other plans.’

I refrain from snorting. I know far, far better than to make other plans.

‘You’ve no need to worry, Mum, we’ll be there,’ I say, and put the phone down.

‘Who was that?’ Daniel wanders in from the garden, where he’s been working hard cutting the grass. Sweat is pouring off his brow, and he’s taken his T-shirt off. I take a minute to enjoy the view. At forty-two my husband bears a distinct resemblance to Adrian Lester, and is still pretty trim and sexy for his age. Sure we argue like all couples do, and in term time when he’s busy I sometimes wish we saw more of him. The great thing though is that despite the ups and downs of married life, I still fancy the pants off him, and that’s dead lucky at my age. I know so many women who moan constantly about their husbands. While we have our disagreements, Daniel and I still get on pretty well, and at this particular moment I am rather wishing we were alone in the house. Shame the kids are upstairs.

‘Mum,’ I say, in answer to his question. ‘I’d put your shirt back on before the kids see you, they’ll be horrified.’

Daniel looks upwards to their bedrooms.

‘I doubt they’re going to be downstairs in a hurry,’ is his wry response, and I laugh. It’s the summer holidays. They’re teenagers, it would probably take a bomb to get them up before lunchtime. He comes and gives me a kiss. I feel a little lurch of desire, and regret even more that the kids haven’t gone out for the day.

‘Ugh, you’re all sweaty,’ I say jokingly, pushing him away.

‘Just the way you like me,’ he teases. ‘What did your mum want?’

I roll my eyes. ‘To ask about Christmas. Honestly, it’s only August.’

‘Oh, come on, you love it,’ says Daniel, ‘the Holroyd Family Christmas is legendary. Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas if we didn’t go to your mum and dad’s.’

This is true. There was the year Dad accidentally set fire to his beard when he dressed up as Santa, and the year that Mum cooked the turkey with the giblets in by mistake, not to mention the year when Lou and Ged had a massive row and Lou ended up in floods of tears in the kitchen with me and Mum comforting her. Oh wait. That happens nearly every year. Perhaps Daniel is right. I suppose it wouldn’t be the same if we didn’t go.

The Christmas Day routine in our family never varies. Mum and Dad come back from church at 10.30 – some years if I’ve been nagged enough I join them – and we go round for drinks at eleven – Dad always believes in opening the bubbly early. Mum has usually been up since 6 a.m. slaving over the turkey so we can eat promptly at 1 p.m., making sure we have plenty of time for lunch before the Queen’s Speech, after which Dad makes us all sing the National Anthem. Depending on the levels of drunkenness (in which Mum disapprovingly doesn’t take part) this is either hilarious or excruciating. After that it’s a free-for-all with presents, and we collapse in front of the TV till Mum starts producing turkey sandwiches and Christmas cake. By this time Dad, Daniel and my brother Ged will have usually managed to demolish a bottle of port between them before Dad insists it’s time for Christmas charades, the bit of Christmas Day which I absolutely loathe. Everyone else always gets into the swing of it, but I’ve always hated it, ever since I was little. Dad gets really involved: I blame the fact that his job in insurance always suppressed his creativity, so he insists on letting rip at home. I hate standing up in front of other people and performing; I always find charades a massive trial. Maybe that’s why I’m an artist. I prefer to channel my creativity from behind an easel. Growing up hasn’t made it any more fun. I long for a charades-free Christmas, but I won’t be getting it any time soon.

‘It would just be nice to be at home one year, don’t you think?’ I say half-heartedly, but I know Daniel doesn’t really get it. His family are so different from mine. He was very close to his mum, who died shortly after we met, but he doesn’t get on well with his dad. They’re barely in touch. He very rarely talks about it, though I do know his dad was pretty useless when he was little. It makes me sad, because Daniel has so much love to give, and as an only child he has no family of his own since he lost his mum. From what he’s told me he had very quiet Christmases growing up, so he’s always loved being part of our family celebrations.

‘Nah, that means we’d have to do all the hard work. Come on, Beth, it will be fine.’ He comes over and gives me a big hug. ‘You’ll enjoy it – promise.’

Lou

I’m lying in bed with Jo one Saturday morning in August when Mum rings up.

‘Hi,’ I say, suddenly feeling immensely guilty. She doesn’t know about me, or about Jo. As ever, when I speak to her on the phone if Jo’s about I feel like there’s a big red sign on my head saying ‘Your daughter’s a lesbian!’ which she can somehow see. Which is ridiculous. One day I’ll tell her. One day. When I’m sure she won’t flip out and I won’t be cast from the family home. She and Dad are so old-fashioned I have no idea how they would take it. So I’m not going to be telling them any time soon.

‘Who’s that?’ says Jo, tickling my feet.

‘Mum,’ I mouth, trying not to giggle. I get up out of bed, not wanting to be distracted, not wanting to feel that I have to behave myself. Oh God, I wish it wasn’t like this. I wish I could tell my parents and my family who I really am. I haven’t even told my sister Beth. I want to, and she keeps hinting that Jo and I should come round, but I’ve let her think ‘Joe’ is a boy, and now I don’t know how to get out of it.

Jo of course doesn’t understand this. Her parents are perfectly relaxed with her being gay, in a way I can’t imagine mine ever being. So much so that it took me till my late twenties to really admit to myself that I was into women not men. At school being a lesbian was pretty much a dirty word, and I thought I was odd for being attracted to girls. So I continued to have awkward sex and fumbled encounters with men I didn’t fancy, until one day I realised I couldn’t go on with it.

But I still haven’t told my family, and now I don’t know how to. It’s pathetic to have got to thirty-eight and not come out to my parents, and I know Jo doesn’t understand it, but I can’t see a way to get around it.

I tune into what Mum is saying. Oh. Christmas. Of course. We have to have the Christmas conversation in August in my family. It’s bloody nuts.

‘Yes of course I’m coming for Christmas, Mum. Where else would I go?’

‘And you haven’t got anyone you want to bring?’ She dangles the question. Christ – does she know? Has she guessed by some kind of telepathic Mum power?

‘No, no one,’ I say. ‘But don’t worry – I’ll be there.’

‘Jolly good,’ she says. ‘And how are things at work now? Any better?’

I sigh. ‘Not really. We’re all still in limbo, just waiting to hear.’

I work in credit control and the company I’ve just joined is in trouble. They’ve told us there might be redundancies but, surprise surprise, no decisions have been made yet. The waiting isn’t fun at all.

‘Well, you keep me posted,’ Mum says, and I promise I will.

I get off the phone and get back into bed with Jo, lovely Jo, with whom I’ve spent a blissful spring and summer. I put my arms around her, trying not to think about work. I’ll cross that bridge if I come to it. For now, Jo is all that matters. We’ve had such a good summer; we’ve even spent a fabulous week in Greece together. I still can’t believe someone like her would be interested in me, and have to keep pinching myself because I feel so lucky.

‘What did your mum want?’ she asks.

‘She just wanted to know about my Christmas plans,’ I say.

‘Christmas? Now?’

‘I know,’ I say. ‘Mad innit?’

‘So what are your Christmas plans?’ she asks. ‘We could do something together if you want.’

Woah. I wasn’t expecting that. I’m completely nuts about Jo, but I can’t seem to shake the feeling that she’s too good for me. Maybe it’s just because I’ve had so many disappointments in the past. I don’t want to jump in head first when it could still all go down the pan.

‘Maybe,’ I say. ‘I have great difficulties getting out of my family Christmas.’

‘Oh, go on Lou Lou, it will be fun.’ She seems a bit disappointed, which gives me a secret thrill. Much as I want to commit to it, I am too afraid to jinx what so far has been my most successful relationship yet. I prevaricate instead.

‘Christmas is ages away. Let’s not think about it now.’

So we don’t, and I put it to the back of my mind. If by any chance I’m lucky enough to still be with Jo at Christmas, I’ll worry about it then.

Daniel

‘Good luck.’ Beth kissed Daniel as he left the house at 8 a.m. for the first day at his new school. There was a lot riding on this new job for him.

‘I think I’m going to need it,’ he grimaced.

‘Oh ye of little faith,’ said Beth, ‘you’ll have them eating out of the palm of your hand by the end of the day.’

Touched as he was by her belief in him, Daniel wasn’t entirely sure whether that were true. Moving from the big inner-city comprehensive which he’d run for the last five years to a much smaller Academy in leafy Wottonleigh was a big leap. In many ways, it should be easier: the results were better, the majority of students spoke English as a first language, and the parents, by all accounts, were committed to both the school and their children’s education, which had been far from the case for so many of his former pupils. Daniel had loved working in London, but the stress of commuting and the strain of the job was becoming untenable. He and Beth hadn’t seen nearly enough of each other in the last few years, and he was uneasily conscious that he sometimes spent more time thinking about other people’s children than he did about his own. So the chance to work locally seemed too good to be true.

But … it was one thing being that rare beast – a black Head Teacher – in the inner city; it was quite another out in the sticks. Daniel was used to being one of the few black faces he saw every day in Abinger Lea, but would the parents at his new school accept him? And would the staff? The governors had given him the heads-up that his deputy, Jim Ferguson, had been certain Daniel’s job would be his. There was bound to be resentment, particularly if they disagreed on the running of the school, which after a couple of short meetings with his staff team, Daniel felt sure was likely. From what little he’d seen, Jim Ferguson was a yes-man, who liked to keep wheels well oiled. He was a capable administrator, but an uncharismatic teacher. People respected him, but they didn’t like him. It was why he hadn’t got the job.

‘This school needs new blood,’ Sarah Bellows, the Chair of Governors, had told him. ‘It’s doing well, but it could do better. It needs strong leadership and an inspiring educator in charge. We believe that’s what you can offer us.’

That, and the chance to bring the school up from Good to Outstanding in their next Ofsted report, which was due to happen some time in the spring term. Daniel was under no illusions that inspiring educator or not, the bottom line was they wanted better results. If he failed to deliver, they’d probably revert to Plan B and Jim Ferguson would get the job he craved. In the meantime, Daniel had to find a way of trying to bring him onside. He had a feeling it wasn’t going to be easy, a feeling that was confirmed when Jim arrived late at the staff meeting. It was a getting-to-know-you session, which Jim was supposed to be chairing. The fact that he couldn’t be bothered to turn up on time didn’t bode well. He didn’t seem impressed when Daniel outlined a few of his ideas about how to improve staff morale by using their freedom as an Academy to invest in proper pay structures, and allow younger teachers to see that there’d be opportunities for advancement if they worked hard. He also rolled his eyes when Daniel began to talk about setting higher standards of uniform conformity. He’d been horrified on a visit in the summer to see how lax the staff had been in implementing many of the school rules. He wanted to use his new role to ensure the students took the greatest pride in themselves and their school by giving them more responsibility for helping keep it tidy.

‘With all due respect, Head Teacher,’ said Jim, managing to make his title sound like an insult while smiling at him, ‘I think you’ll find morale at this school is very high, and that the students already take pride in their environment. I’m afraid you’ll find there’s very little to improve in that regard.’

‘It can’t hurt to take a look at it though, can it, Jim?’ Daniel said. ‘And please, no formalities, do call me Daniel.’

If there was one thing Daniel hated it was unnecessary bowing down to hierarchies. He had a feeling that Jim would see it differently.

‘Of course, Daniel,’ said Jim, with a smirk, managing again to make it sound sarcastic.

Unwilling to get into an awkward discussion on his first day, Daniel moved on, and by the end of the meeting felt he hadn’t acquitted himself too badly. It was clear that one or two members of staff were definitely Team Ferguson, but Carrie Woodall, Head of Maths, sidled up to him after the meeting and muttered, ‘Welcome on board, and don’t take any notice of Jim – he always likes to throw his weight around.’ Daniel smiled politely, but didn’t comment. It was good to know he had supporters though. Determined not to let Jim’s negative attitude ruin his day, he spent the rest of it trying to get a handle on what the job entailed. It was busy and exhausting, but by the end of it he felt exhilarated. The kids were nice and polite, the teachers, in the main, friendly, and even if he worked late, he lived a mere twenty minutes from home. More time with Beth. More time with the kids. Despite any difficulties that might lie ahead, this had been a good move.

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