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YE WYNE VAULTS AT YE DOCKS. SHOWYNGE A PARTYE TASTYNGE

Thursday, October 11, 1849.

To the Docks, to meet Mr. Soker, and go over the Wine Vaults with a Tasting-Order, and taste the Wine there before it hath undergone any Roguery for the Market. Found there Soker, and Mr. Wagstaffe, and Swilby, and Swype, and Sharpe, and with them Mr. Goodfellowe, who had gotten Soker the Order. First to the Quay, heaped with Barrels of Wine, and one huge Barrel, they did tell me, holding 625 Gallons, hoisted ashore, Mr. Wagstaffe did say, by an Adjutant, or Gigantic Crane. Then, through all Manner of Casks and Tubs, and Bales of Merchandise, to St. Katherine's Dock, and down to the Vault, where a Cooper forthwith did wait on us with a Couple of Glasses, and gave each Man a flat Stick with a Lamp at the farther End, to see our Way. The Vault almost quite dark, only lighted by Sconces from the Roof, and the farthest Sconce looking half-a-mile off, and all this Space full of Barrels of Wine! The Roof supported by Rows of Columns; and the Vault altogether like the Crypt of a vast Cathedral, but sweeter; the Air smelling of Wine very strong, which alone did make me feel giddy. Strange to see the Mildew hanging in all Sorts of Forms from the Roof, which many do mistake for Cobwebs, but some call Fungus, and Dr. Limbeck, the Chymist, do tell me is mostly Nitrate of Lime. The Cooper did lead us to the Wine we were to taste, and pretty to see him tap the Barrel by boring a Hole in it with a Gimlet. We did drink, all round, a good Ale-glass each of excellent Sherry, all except Mr. Sharpe; and I did wonder to see him taste the Wine, and call it rare good Stuff, and yet spit it out, but found by and by that he was wise. Next, to the London Dock; and Mr. Goodfellowe did give us Biscuit, and recommend us to eat, and I did take his advice, and glad I did. Here, more Curiosities in Mildew, hanging from the Roof; and one a Festoon as big as the great Sausage in the Pork-Shop at the Corner of Bow Street. A good Story from the Cooper, of a Visitor that took a Specimen of the Mildew away in his Hat, and with the Moisture of his Head, it melted and blackened his Face, and served him right, that – like more than enough Sight-Seers – could not keep his Hands from Picking. To several Vaults, and tasted Wine in each; all very vast, but the East Vault the biggest, and do contain more thousand Pipes, and cover more Acres than I doubt, by Reason of the Wine I drunk, I can remember. By this Time, our Party very jolly and noisy, and did begin to dance and sing, and flourish their Lamps like Playhouse Devils; and methought I did see the Meaning of the Notice outside, that Ladies could not be admitted after 1 o'Clock. Coming into the open Air, could scarcely stand; and Mr. Goodfellowe did see them into Cabs, and I home on Foot – straight as I could go – and my Wife wondering at the Redness of my Nose. Good Lack! to see the Quantity of Goods and Wine in the Docks; and to think what a great and mighty Nation we are, and what Oceans of Liquor we do swill and guzzle!

A WEDDYNGE BREAKFASTE

Monday, October 22, 1849.

Up, and to Church together with my Wife, to see Pall Harley married this Morning to Dick Baker; on both Sides mighty genteel People, and their Guests, all except ourselves, such as they do call Carriage-Company. Pall, in a Dress of White Satin, and Orange Flowers in her Hair, very pretty and demure, and Dick, wearing a Sky-Blue Coat, Crimson Velvet Waistcoat, Yellow Moleskin Trousers, and Japanned Boots; with Lavender Kid Gloves, and a Carbuncle in his Shirt-Front, a great Buck. Dick and every Man of us with great White Favours at our Breasts, mighty conspicuous and, methought, absurd, the Things serving neither for Use nor Ornament. But to see how grand were old fat Mr. Harley and Mr. Baker, and how more grand were their fat Wives, and how fine and serious they looked and how high they carried their Noses! And when the Ring was put on Pall's Finger (Dick first having fumbled for it in the wrong Pocket), her Mother did weep, and falling for stay on Mr. Harley, nigh overthrew him. But the pretty modest Bridesmaids did most of all take me; which my Wife observing, I saw, did trouble her. The Ceremony over, and the Fees paid, and the Bride kissed by some of the old Gentlemen, we to old Harley's to Breakfast, where what Wiggyns do call a Grand Spread, very fine both for Show and Meats, every Dish ornamented with Flowers and Gimcracks, the cold Chickens trimmed with Ribbons, and the Bride-Cake, having upon it Wax Cupids and Turtle-Doves, was pretty. So down we sat, Dick stiff and sheepish, and Pall also, shamefaced, and trying to hide her Blushes with a Nosegay. Pall's Mother in Tears, and her Father solemn, and the Bridesmaids mostly bashful, but a little black one that sate by me very merry, and I did by-and-by pull Crackers with her, till my Wife suddenly thrust a Pin into my Arm, to the Quick. The Company first silent, till a Friend of the young Pair, who did say he had known them both from Babies, did propose their Health in a pretty pathetic but confused Speech, and breaking down in the Midst of a Sentence, conclude by wishing them long Life and Happiness, with great Applause. Then the Bride-Groom to return Thanks, but, perplexed with his Pronouns, obliged to stop short too, but, he said, overcome by his Feelings. The Champagne flowing, we soon merrier, especially an old Uncle of Dick's who began to make Jokes, which did trouble the Bride and Bride-Groom. But they presently with much Crying and Kissing, and Shaking of Hands, away in a Coach-and-Four, amid the Cheering of the Crowd in the Street and the Boys shouting to behold the fine Equipage; and Servants and old Women looking on from the opposite Windows. We eating and drinking with great Delight till late in the Afternoon, but at last broke up, the Multitude saluting us each as we stepped into the Street, and the Policeman and Beadle that were guarding the Door in great State, touching their Hats. A grand Marriage Breakfast do give a brave Treat to the Mob, in Show, and to the Company in Eating and Drinking, and is great Fun to all but those most concerned. But to think what a Fuss is made about most Marriages, and how little Reason for it is shown by most People's married Life.

A THEATRE, SHOWYNGE YE HOUSE AMUSED BY YE COMYCKE ACTOR

Friday, October 26, 1849.

To the old House in the Market, where I would fain have seen Macbeth, for the Acting as well as the Divertisement; but this not the Night, so went Half-Price, and did see the Unpolished Gem, instead. Touchstone did play Brother Dick, a Country Clown, and his Figure, in a Coat short in the Waist, a huge striped Waistcoat, Trousers too big for him tucked up at the Ankles, Hob-Nail Boots, and a great ill-shaped Hat, mighty droll, and did move the People to clap their Hands and laugh the Moment he come on the Stage. Then did he take off his Hat, and show a red-cropped Head, and smooth down his Hair, and make a Face upon the Audience, whereat they did laugh again, and then turning round show them a Back View of himself, which made them laugh the more. Still greater Laughter the Moment he opened his Mouth, and I did laugh too, as much as any, though I heard not what he said; but only for the Oddness of his Voice, which is such that methinks I could not keep my Countenance to hear him, even if he were speaking Hamlet. Mighty droll to see him in a fine House make himself at Home after the Fashion of a Bumpkin, and hear him in his rustical Drawl and Twang relate all the News and Tattle of his Village. What with his clodhopping Gait, and Awkwardness, and Independence, and Impudence, he did make, methinks, the veriest Lout I did ever see, even in Hampshire. His politeness even droller than his Rudeness, and his Ploughboy Courtesy of kissing his Hand as comical as could be. But I know not well whether I do more prefer his Cocknies or his Clowns; for methinks I have seen him do a Snob as well as a Clodpole, and he is very good in both, whether a rustical Booby or a Whippersnapper Spark; and do use V for W, and misuse or drop his H, and talk the Flash and Cant of the Town mighty natural. But to think how we English People do take Delight in everything that is ridiculous; and how I have seen a Theatre ringing with Merriment at the Sight of Touchstone in a Paper Cap and Apron, with a Baker's Tray, and a Bell, crying "Muffins!" or eating with his Mouth full; or even putting his Arms a-Kimbo, or pulling his Hat over his Eyes, and some of the Audience, and myself too, in Fits almost with Laughter. Methinks that Foreigners are wrong to suppose that we are a melancholy People, and would give up this Notion if they could see us at a broad Farce, and how easily we are pleased, and what Straws will tickle us almost to Death. Home, my Sides aching by Reason of Touchstone's Drolleries, and truly he do make a mighty excellent roguish Buffoon. So to Bed mimicking Touchstone his Voice to my Wife, which did divert her mightily.

A PROSPECTE OF YE ZOOLOGICAL SOCIETYE ITS GARDENS. FEEDYNGE YE BEASTS

Monday, October 29, 1849.

To the Zoological Gardens, in the Regent's Park, at 3 p.m., in Time to see the Otter fed with live Fishes, which he do chase round his Basin in the Water, and dive after mighty clever. Then to the Wild Beasts, hungry, in a terrible Rage, as I have seen others than Wild Beasts waiting for Dinner. Some of the Dens with Trees in them for the Beasts to climb in; Lions, old and young, Lionesses, He and She Tigers, a Jaguar, an Ounce, a Cheetah, a Spotted and Black Leopard: and on the other side Hyænas, and Pumas, and more Leopards, and Bears. Their Yelling and Howling for Hunger a most horrid Musique, while the Tigers rear on their hind Legs, and dash at their Bars, and grin and glare at the Children outside. The Ramping and Roaring doubled when the Keeper come with the Meat, and Lack! how they did fly at it with Teeth and Claws, and howl and snort over it, and munch and crunch the Bones! But one Hyæna droll, the Keeper passing him by, and he, thinking he was to go without his Meal, throwing himself on his Back, and moaning, and crying in Despair. Pretty, to see the Bears in their Pit climb up their Post for Buns; which the Visitors did hold to them on the End of a long Stick, and them below fighting for the Morsels that fell; and their Clumsiness, and awkward Standing on their hind Legs. The White Bear, also, swimming in his Tank, pleasant, I being on the outside of his Cage. A fine old Wolf and Cubs, but snarling and snapping over their Victuals, seemed not a Happy Family. Saw the Eagles and Vultures Prey, treading on their Meat, and tearing it up with their Beaks; the Eagles brave, but the Vultures look ignoble. Yet fine the Great Condor Vulture, when the Wind blew, stretching forth his Wings upon it; and glad, no doubt, would have been to sail away. The Parrots gay; but so shriek and squall, that their Abode do seem the Madhouse of the Place. Much taken with the Seal swim in the Water, and waddle out on his Stomach with his Tail and Flappers, like a Fellow with his Legs tied for a Wager. Diverted by the Gambols and Antics of the Monkeys and Apes: yet ashamed to see such vile Likenesses of ourselves: and the Apes especially; and the Crowd of Women and Ladies gazing at them! With Pleasure, yet Horror, did view the Snakes and Lizards in the Reptile House, and glad they could not get at me; but hoped to see the Boa Constrictor swallow a live Rabbit: but did not. Bought Gingerbread Nuts to feed the Elephant, cost me 2d. and he did please me, but I wished he had been bigger; but the Rhinoceros did give me great Delight, and with Mirth heard a Countryman standing by, call him the Hog in Armour. The Bison, with his huge shaggy Head and Mane, Horns, and fiery Eyes, do look the most like a Demon I ever did see. To the Camel-Leopards, graceful Creatures; after the Bison and Rhinoceros. Then about the Gardens to watch the People and the Children stare at, and feed and poke the Animals. Did mark some pretty Damsels, and, having done gazing at the Beasts, gaze at them. So Home, and described to my Wife what I had seen, except the Damsels, and did discourse with her of Natural History; which the Zoological Gardens do breed a pretty Taste for among the People.

WESTMINSTER HALL, SHOWYNGE YE CEREMONYE OF OPENYNGE TERME

Friday, November 2, 1849.

Up, and by Appointment to Mr. Wagstaffe's, and so with him to Westminster Hall, to see my Lord Chancellor and the Judges, after Breakfast with my Lord, this being the first Day of Michaelmas Term, open the Law Courts in State, in their Robes and Wigs. We there at 12, the Hour set for the Ceremony, but, we found, only for the Beginning of it by Breakfast, which had we thought of, we had taken our Time, as knowing that my Lords would be sure to take theirs. So clear that we must have Patience, Mr. Wagstaffe did say, like many besides us in Westminster Hall. So out to look at the New Houses of Parliament, and how the Masons speed with the Building, which will be mighty fine when it is done, and Mr. Transom do commend the Style, and I too, both for the Proportions and also for the Heraldry and Lions. Then back again to the Hall, where now a few more People; and presently comes marching in a Party of Policemen, large enough to have taken up all present, and yet hardly have had one Prisoner a-piece; But the Numbers did by Degrees increase, and were, I did note, mostly of the better Sort; thank the Police. Among them divers Barristers-at-Law, some with their Sisters, some with their Wives, or such as did seem like to be their Wives, many of whom mighty comely Damsels, and were a Sight I never expected, not thinking they could care for Law Matters, or to see the Judges, 2d.; but strange how Women do flock to every Concourse, whether it be to see or only to be seen. There for the first Time I did behold Mr. Tomkyns, the young Barrister, in his Wig, wherein he do look mighty sedate, and I telling him I hoped he would come to open Term himself, made answer as it might be some while first, he wished I might live to see it. The people now crowding about the Doors of the Courts, the Police did make a Lane between them for my Lord Chancellor and the Judges to walk down, and Mr. Wagstaffe did call it Chancery Lane. My Lords still not coming, he did observe that now we had a Sample of the Law's Delay, and did pleasantly lay the Lateness of the Breakfast to the Account of the Master of the Rolls. But they at last come, and we opposite the Court of Common Pleas got a good View of them to my Heart's Content. First comes the Mace, and a gentleman in his Court Suit, wearing a Sword and Bag, and with them the Great Seal; then my Lord Chancellor, and did walk down to his Court at the end of the Hall, looking the better of his Sickness, which I was glad of. After him the other Judges, of whom most did enter the Door whereby we were, and mighty reverend they looked, but merry and in good Humour, and beamy and ruddy after their Breakfast. But to see Mr. Justice Talfourd come last of all, shaking Hands with his Friends on both Sides, he newly made a Judge, being a Poet, did most content me; and Mr. Wagstaffe did say he looked in good Case and by no means puisne. The Judges all entered, the Rabblement let into the Hall, and we away, fearing for our Pockets; which are like to be very soon emptied in Westminster Hall.

A PROSPECTE OF YE 5TH OF NOVEMBER

Monday, Nov. 5, 1849. – Guy Fawkes' Day.

At Breakfast this Morning off a new-laid Egg, cost me 2d., but cheap for the Time of Year, did hear a shrill Hallooing in the Street, which my Wife told me was made by the Boys, going by with their Guy Fawkes. So on this, Guy Fawkes his Day, did in Haste swallow my Breakfast, put on my Boots and Over-Coat, and so out and about the Streets and Squares to see the Sport, the Bells ringing for Church, and a Scarecrow of a Guy, borne by Urchins on a Handbarrow, with Rough Musique at almost every Turn and Corner. Guy Fawkes his Effigies, with his Fingers sticking out like Spikes, and his Feet all awry, his Body and Limbs stuffed with Straw, a Mask for his Face, with a Pipe in the Mouth, and a Lantern and Tinder-Box dangling from his Wrist, and on his Head a Paper Cap, like an old Grenadier's, but a Cross on it, and meant for the Pope his Crown. I thought to see Guy with his Company, borne by the Police in State to the Station House, but they this Year mostly let alone, and more Guys, and ragged Regiments of Boys shouting after them, than ever. The Varlets, as they went, repeating Doggrel Verses, bidding to remember the Day, and asking whomsoever they met for Money for a Bonfire to burn their Guy, and did beg of me; but I would not fling my Money into the Fire. But Lack to think of the Delight I do take in Guy Fawkes, because of his ridiculous Figure, and recollecting how I loved to play with Fireworks on this Day when a Boy; though I know what a Libel is the Holyday on the Roman Catholiques, and the good Reason, though the Doggrel say to the contrary, why Gunpowder Treason should be forgot. But some, who should have known better, did give the Rogues Halfpence and encourage them in a show of Bigotry; albeit the young Ragamuffins know not what it do mean, and care only for the Frolick and Halfpence. From Westminster, by the Back Ways and Streets to Fleet Street, Squibs and Crackers in the Courts and Alleys fizzing and bouncing all the Way, and did in Fleet Street dine at a Chop-house, cost me, with Beer and Punch, 2s.; and so to Tower Hill, where the Banging and Blazing of the Fireworks the greatest of all; and the Roman Candles and Pin-wheels mighty pretty; but some letting off Guns and Pistols put me in Fear. Here presently I did hear a Popping and Cracking behind me; which was a Cracker pinned by some Scapegrace to my Coat-Tail, and did make me jump, and the Standers-by to laugh: which did vex me to the Heart; and Mr. Gregory do say, served me right for countenancing such Doings. But to see the Mob flinging Serpents at each other, and burning and singeing one another like Devils, did much divert me, till a Squib whizzing past me did scorch me in the Face. Truly Guy Fawkes his Day this Time was mighty well kept, and Mr. Howlett do say its better Observance is a revival of Protestant Spirit; but I do agree with Mr. Wagstaffe that Protestancy is not a Doctrine of Fireworks, and must own it were better to bury Guy Fawkes, and not burn him any more.

A BANQUET SHOWYNGE YE FARMERS' FRIEND IMPRESSYNGE ON YE AGRICULTURAL INTEREST THAT IT IS RUINED

Monday, November 19, 1849.

By Rail to Clod's Norton, to my old Country Friend Mr. Giles the Farmer, and with him to the Meeting and yearly Dinner of the North Gruntham Agricultural Society at Grumbleton, at the Plantagenet Arms. A mighty fine and great Dinner; and the Appetite of the Company droll to observe, and hear Mr. Giles declare that all the Farmers were starving. I did mightily admire the Breadth and Bigness of the Countrymen, and their round Faces like the Sign of the Rising Sun, but not so bright, for though ruddy, looking glum. My Lord Mountbushel in the Chair, very grand and high and mighty, yet gently demeaning himself, and did pledge them about him in Wine with an Obeisance the most stately I think that I did ever see a Man, and wish I could do like him, and with Practice hope to be able. The Dinner over, and the Queen drunk, and the Royal Family, and also the Church and Army and Navy all drunk, the Chairman did propose the Toast of the Evening, which was, Prosperity to the North Gruntham Agricultural Society, and made a Speech, and did tell his Hearers that they and the whole Farming Body were going to the Dogs as fast as they could go; whereat, strange to hear them applaud mightily. He ended his Speech by saying he hoped Gentlemen would that Evening, according to Custom, keep clear of Politics, which Rule Squire Hawebucke next rising to speak, did promise he would observe, and forthwith made a violent Harangue against Sir Robert Peel and Mr. Cobden. After him got up Mr. Flummerie, and with great Action, and thumping the Table, spoke for Half-an-Hour, with most brave Flourishes both of his Fists and of Language. He did tell his Audience that they must be up and stirring, and quit them like good Men and true, and did exhort them to rally round the Altar and Throne, and nail their Colours to the Mast, and range themselves under the Banner of Protection; which he did say was a Flag that had braved 1,000 Years the Battle and the Breeze, and if so, should, methinks, be by this time in Tatters. He did say that the British Lion had been long asleep, but was now at last aroused, which do seem a simple Saying, the British Lion being only a fabulous Beast, like the Unicorn, also in the Royal Arms. But to hear how the Company did cheer at this Mouthing, albeit it was the veriest Cant and Stuff; for, good Lack! to think of the Monarchy and Church, and all Morals, Religion, and Government, depending on the price of Wheat! After more Speeches in the same Strain, the British Labourer his Health drunk, and then the Prizes given out; and an old Man of 80, for bringing up a Family without costing the Parish 1d. in 50 Years, did receive £1, and others for honest Service nigh as long, a Jacket, a Smock Frock, or a Pair of Hob-Nail Boots, in Reward of Merit. The Toasts and Speech-making lasted till late, and then we broke up, the Farmers mighty merry, though grumbling, but not more than their Wont, at the Laws and the Weather, but their best Friends say, will have little to complain of either, if they will but mind their Business, and turn seriously to improving their Husbandry.