Buch lesen: «Daddy In Dress Blues»

Chapter 1

OUT OF ALL THE classrooms in all the preschools in Chicago, he had to walk into hers. Curt Blackwell. Even his name conjured up deep and dark memories.

The years hadn’t been kind to him, Jessica Moore noted. But then kindness and Curt Blackwell had never had much in common.

Twelve years. It had been twelve years since she’d seen him. They dropped away in an instant.

Multiple images hit her as she stared at him with quiet dread. He was a study of contrasts. The rigidity of his cropped dark hair and crisp military attire were at war with the sensual fullness of his mouth and the heated intensity of his brown eyes. He’d always had the ability to consume her with a single glance.

She was surprised by how much he’d changed and yet still remained the same. He’d obviously stayed in the Marine Corps and the dress blue uniform looked good on him. Better than good.

There was a U.S. Marine Reserve Training Facility not far from here. She passed it on her way home every night, but she never dreamed that Curt would end up there. The last she’d heard, he’d been in some hot spot overseas.

Her eyes sought out the little things she remembered about him, like the scar near his right temple—the result of a dispute between him on his motorbike and a tree. The tree had won, he’d once told her. But he wore new scars now, including a fairly recent one that formed a ragged line along his jaw.

Despite the years that had passed, Jessica had recognized him immediately. But she saw no similar recognition on his part, which didn’t surprise her. Curt had a track record of not seeing her. Only a few weeks after sharing the most incredible night of her life with her, he’d acted as if she were invisible.

Thrusting that humiliating memory out of her mind, she focused her attention on the little girl who stood nervously beside him, close enough to touch him but not doing so. Instead the little girl’s hand was clutching the hand of the preschool’s director, Sarah Connolly.

“We’ve got a new student here at the Happy Days Preschool and Day Care center,” Sarah cheerfully announced. “This is Blue Blackwell, she’s three years old, and she’s just moved here from San Diego. And this is Curt, her father.”

Curt’s daughter? In her class? The magnitude of the pain caught Jessica by surprise.

Pull it together, idiot, she fiercely ordered herself. You can’t fall apart. Not here. Not now.

Years of dealing with crises allowed Jessica to make a fairly smooth recovery as she leaned down to the little girl. “Hello, Blue. We’re glad you’ve joined us.”

“Yeah, well, I’ll leave her in your hands,” Curt said uncomfortably, clearly eager to follow Sarah as she left.

Much as she wanted him to disappear, she had Blue’s welfare to think of. The little girl would be terrified if Curt just dumped her off in a strange environment.

“You’ll be joining us too, Mr. Blackwell,” Jessica stated, using her best teacher voice, the one that said I mean business.

Apparently it had little effect on a marine, because he just shrugged off her words and kept heading to the door. “I’ve got to get back to work,” he was saying. Was there an edge of desperation in his voice or was she imagining things?

Jessica had no choice but to put her hand on his arm. By now she was so numb with shock that she didn’t even register the physical contact. All she noticed was that it stopped him. “This will only take a few minutes, but it is necessary and extremely important for your daughter’s comfort.”

“Okay—” he shot an impatient look at his watch “—but I don’t have much time.”

Satisfied that he would stay, Jessica quickly dropped her hand from his arm and returned her attention to Blue. “My name is Jessica, and I’m going to be your teacher.”

The little girl just nodded but didn’t say a word. Blue’s brown hair was tied up into two lopsided pigtails. Her blue jeans and white T-shirt were crisp with newly bought stiffness, and her black patent shoes shone. She wore a beat-up lime-green thin jacket better suited for San Diego than the chilliness of late March in the Midwest. She didn’t appear to have a backpack or any school supplies yet.

After introducing Blue to the rest of the class as well as Jessica’s two teaching assistants, Lisa Yu and Tawanna Houston, Jessica teamed Blue up with another little girl, Susan, who was the most outgoing in class and had the biggest heart. “Why don’t you show Blue where she can put her coat?” Jessica suggested to Susan. “Then we’ll begin story hour, and Blue can sit next to you.”

Once the two girls had moved away, Jessica spoke to Curt in a quick undertone. “You can’t just sneak out after leaving Blue in a new classroom. I want to make sure that she knows you’re coming back for her. You need to tell her that. If you sneak out, you’re breaking the trust she’s placed in you.” Just like you broke the trust I placed in you all those years ago. The thought streaked through Jessica’s mind before she shoved it aside. She refused to give in to the past. She had a job to do here. “It would have been best if her mother could have been here with you,” Jessica added.

“Her mother is dead,” Curt said.

She blinked at the terseness of his announcement and the lack of emotion with which it was delivered. “I’m sorry to hear that, but in that case it’s even more important that you don’t sneak out on Blue. You’re all she’s got, and she needs to know that even though you’re leaving now, you’ll be coming back for her later.”

He shifted impatiently. “Why can’t you tell her that?”

“Because I’m not her parent, you are.”

The noise level in the room suddenly rose as the small group of preschoolers sensed their teacher’s distraction and decided to make the most of it. Grabbing the sheep off her desk, the one with a big brass bell around its furry neck, Jessica shook the sheep and made the bell ring.

Recognizing her quiet signal, all the students made the universal shush signal. Except for the class hellion, four-year-old Brian, who rushed forward to tug on Curt’s sleeve. “Do you drive a tank? Are you stronger than Hercules?”

Curt just stared at the boy as if he were an alien creature before saying, “I left my tank at work. And I need to get back to it now,” he added with a pointed look in Jessica’s direction.

“Then we’ll leave you alone so you can talk to Blue for a minute,” Jessica replied with a look just as pointed. “Come along, Brian. Which book do you think we should read for storytelling today?”

Although she stepped aside to give Curt and his daughter some privacy, her classroom wasn’t big enough, nor Curt’s voice soft enough to prevent her from hearing what he said to Blue. “Okay, here’s the plan. I’ll be leaving you at this facility and will return to pick you up at fifteen hundred hours.”

It was as if Curt were speaking to one of his recruits, not a child. The man clearly didn’t have a clue how to deal with his daughter, who just stared at him while nervously nibbling her lower lip.

Gathering her up into a hug as Curt made a hurried departure, Jessica said, “You’re going to be having lots of fun with us, and you’ll be seeing your daddy again before you know it.”

“He don’t like me,” Blue whispered unsteadily.

“Oh, honey, what makes you say that?”

“He said so.”

Curt was behind schedule and he hated it. He prided himself on getting the mission accomplished—whether it was a mission in Iraq or registering his kid in preschool.

His kid. He still couldn’t get over the fact that he had a daughter.

It had been a hell of a week. On Monday he’d gotten the final report from the medics informing him that the limp the sniper’s bullet had left him with would most likely be permanent and would result in his being reassigned to a desk job. Frustration at his reassignment gnawed at him. He was a doer, not a damn paper-pusher.

And what had Fate done to help him out in his time of need? Delivered an almost-baby daughter he hadn’t even known he’d had on his doorstep. That had only been three days ago.

The child welfare worker had filled in the blanks. It seems that Gloria, the earthy cocktail waitress he’d had a short interlude with in San Diego nearly four years ago before he’d been transferred and shipped overseas, had had his baby.

Curt was no idiot. He’d known that Gloria had a thing for marines and that he hadn’t been the only man in her life. But it had only taken one look at the little girl to know she was his. The strawberry-colored birthmark just above her knee matched the one he had on his own leg.

The kid was his. He had a daughter.

Presto, he was a father.

Curt knew he was totally unqualified for the job. He hadn’t known his own father, who’d taken off before he was born. But Curt wouldn’t take off on Blue. He wouldn’t desert her. He lived up to his responsibilities. He was a marine, by God.

Not that his uniform had impressed Blue’s teacher. She’d looked at him as if he were pond scum. And ordered him around. Curt wasn’t used to taking orders from a civilian. And he hated feeling like a raw recruit who was incompetent.

So he was no pro at this parenting stuff. How hard could it be? He was a member of the United States Marine Corps with a legacy of duty, strength, sacrifice, discipline and determination. He had a feeling he’d need all those things and more to measure up in that disapproving teacher’s book.

The minute Jessica let herself into her Lincoln Square condo, she kicked off her shoes and grabbed her cell phone. She dumped her tote bag filled with school work on the floor before sitting on the denim couch. The blue corduroy jumper she wore was baggy enough that she had lots of room to curl her legs beneath her, a pose she resorted to whenever she was extremely nervous.

Normally she’d change into comfortable sweats as soon as she got home, but today she needed to talk to her best friend, Amy Weissman, before doing anything else. She’d known Amy since they’d shared a freshman English class in high school.

“You’ll never guess who walked into my classroom this morning,” Jessica said. “Curt Blackwell.”

“Curt ‘Bad Boy’ Blackwell?” Amy’s voice reflected her disbelief. “From high school?”

“The one and only.” And he’d been Jessica’s one and only in more ways than one. The only one who’d captured her heart with the total surrender of first love. The only one she’d given her virginity to. The only one who’d ever kicked her in the teeth afterward.

She didn’t have to vocalize any of those things to her best friend. Amy already knew. “Tell me he’s come crawling back to you after all these years, and you shoved his tonsils down his throat,” Amy growled, never one to be docile in her defense of her friends.

“Not exactly. He didn’t even recognize me. He came to register his daughter in my preschool class.”

“Oh, Jessica, I’m so sorry.”

Jessica closed her eyes and saw herself as a senior in high school, the nerdy brain and social misfit, the only girl in her class who didn’t have a date for the prom. And then there was Curt, the bad boy she’d had a crush on since her freshman year. When she’d run across a tipsy Curt behind the public library on prom night and he’d flashed his wicked smile at her, she’d finally given in to her feelings and they’d ended up making love in the back seat of his beat-up Mustang.

She could still remember the smell of fresh-cut grass drifting through the open window of his car, the scratchy feel of the cracked vinyl of the seat against her bare thigh, the sound of her name on his lips and the heat of his hand on her skin—the forbidden passion and the incredible outcome. Her only thoughts had been of him, her only wish to be with him.

But the next day Curt was gone. The United States Marine Corps had a prior claim on him.

Even though he’d left, Jessica had been sure that Curt would write to her from boot camp. He didn’t. She didn’t panic. Not until she skipped her period. Then she’d panicked.

Curt had come home for a few days after completing boot camp, but she’d only found out he was back thanks to a chance meeting on the street. When he didn’t even speak to her…when he instead turned away from her with an embarrassed look on his face, her heart and her foolish dreams of a future with him had crumbled.

Her period had started the next morning, the pregnancy scare over. She’d eventually gotten over the feeling of betrayal. But when he’d walked back into her life, the past had come rushing right at her. If she really had been pregnant all those years ago, she and Curt would have had a child together. A daughter maybe. Would she have looked like Blue?

“What are you going to do?” Amy softly asked, bringing her back to the present.

Jessica took a deep breath before replying. “I’m going to teach his daughter. I’m a professional. I won’t blame the child for the sins of the father. And that little girl really needs someone to help her. Curt is still in the marines, and he treats her like she’s a recruit instead of his daughter. And she’s such a sweet little girl.”

“What happened to her mom?” Amy asked.

“She’s passed away, that’s all I know. I can’t turn my back on Blue,” Jessica said firmly. “First and foremost she’s a person in her own right. And she deserves to have someone care about her, especially after what she’s been through. Curt only got to me today because I didn’t see him coming. There’s no way in the world that I’d ever let Curt Blackwell close enough to hurt me again.”

“Do you need any help getting ready for bed?” Curt asked Blue. He’d already learned from experience that she was much better at undressing than dressing.

She shook her head.

“Okay, then I’ll be in your room for lights off in five minutes.”

He sighed as she scurried from the room. He’d tried talking softly to her, but it didn’t seem to make any difference. He hated the possibility that she might be afraid of him, but had no idea how to rectify things.

Rubbing the back of his neck, he stared at the pile of paperwork that still needed completing by the morning. The government liked everything done in triplicate and that included forms. The five minutes he’d given Blue went by in the blink of an eye. When he walked into her room, she was waiting for him, sitting in her bed as erect as any seasoned marine.

“At ease,” he told her.

She blinked at him and relaxed a bit. She should be happy. He wished she’d be happy. Hell, the kid had a bedroom fit for a princess. He’d let her pick out everything herself, partially because he didn’t have a clue what a three-year-old would like and partially to please her.

She was his daughter, but she was still a stranger to him. Maybe if he’d been in her life from the time she’d been a baby, maybe then he’d be a pro at this daddy stuff by now.

As it was, he was feeling totally out of his element here. The kid had such sad eyes. Brown like his. And she rarely smiled. She did grin when he did his Three Stooges impersonations, but he suspected that was just because she got a kick out of him making a fool of himself.

Like he had with that teacher today. For some reason she’d looked familiar to him, but he couldn’t think why. He wasn’t even sure of her name, at the time he’d been so rattled that he hadn’t been paying much attention except when she’d ordered him to stay put.

Having briefly served as a drill sergeant, he’d recognized the steel in her voice. He could clear an entire room or dismiss a group of recruits with a single barked order. He’d been careful not to use that tone of voice around Blue. And not to swear. It wasn’t easy sometimes.

As he looked around Blue’s room, a host of Disney characters stared back at him from just about every surface—from the lamp shade to the sheets. He didn’t know who the characters were, but Blue did. He’d been lucky that this two-bedroom unit had been available and in the same building as the furnished studio apartment he’d just rented on a monthly basis—before he’d known about Blue. The landlord had been willing to transfer the lease to this larger place.

“So you’re all set for bed then, right?” he said.

Blue nodded solemnly.

“Do you need anything?” he asked.

“Fooba.”

Curt reached for the grungy teddy bear propped against the foot of her bed. He’d offered to buy her a new bear but she’d insisted on keeping this mangy-looking thing. He suspected it was because her mother had given it to her.

He reached out, planning on smoothing Blue’s ruffled hair…before he chickened out and reached for the switch on the Disney lamp instead.

“Good night then,” he said.

“My shoes is shined,” Blue suddenly announced.

“I…uh…that’s nice.”

She lifted the sheet to show him the black patent leather shoes she was still wearing.

Jeez, what kind of father was he to send his kid to bed with her shoes on?

“Now they’s like yours,” she said proudly.

“Yes, they are, but even I don’t wear my shoes to bed. Let’s take them off, you little monkey.”

“I’s not a monkey,” she said solemnly. “I’s a girl.”

“You sure are.”

“Would you like me more if I’s a monkey?”

Imagining her trying to swing from the canopied bedposts, he hurriedly said, “No, I certainly would not like you better if you were a monkey.”

“Oh.” She sounded disappointed.

“I think staying a little girl is a wise move,” he said, fumbling with the sissy strap on her shoes. He felt like a bull in a china shop. His hands were so big and her little girl stuff was so tiny. The first time he’d had to help her with her clothes it had taken him an hour to get her dressed.

Finally he got the shoes off her feet and tucked neatly beneath her bed. “Okay, now you’re really ready for bed, right?”

Blue nodded.

“Good.”

“But Fooba isn’t,” she added.

Curt sighed. It was going to be another long night.

The next afternoon, Curt was once again in Jessica’s classroom, to pick up Blue after work. He was running five minutes behind schedule, but he should be able to make that up on the drive home providing he wasn’t delayed…

“Mr. Blackwell, I’d like to speak to you in private for a moment.”

The teacher. Glaring at him.

Curt sighed. There went his schedule.

Jessica heard him sigh, and the fact that he made her feel as if she was being a nuisance didn’t endear him to her any. Too bad. If he’d filled out the parental information forms about Blue’s likes and dislikes that Jessica had sent home with the little girl yesterday, then Jessica wouldn’t have to speak to him today.

No, that wasn’t entirely true. She’d still need to discuss with him what Blue had said about Curt not liking her and his having told her so. The little girl’s offhand comment had sliced Jessica’s heart. She wasn’t eager to spend any time with Curt, but she couldn’t turn her back on Blue. It was Jessica’s responsibility as her teacher to do what she could. Even if that meant dealing with Curt.

Today his marine uniform consisted of khaki green slacks and a khaki shirt. It made her wonder what he looked like in a black T-shirt and jeans. Don’t go there, she warned herself. Keep your mind on Blue.

But before she could bring up the matter of the missing forms, Curt said, “What’s the problem? Has Blue been misbehaving?”

“On the contrary,” Jessica replied. “She’s very careful not to do anything wrong.”

Curt’s relieved smile reflected his approval. “That’s good.”

“No, it’s not. Not when it means that she’s terrified of doing something wrong. She thinks you don’t like her.”

“I like the kid well enough,” Curt replied defensively, “and I never told her any differently.”

“So you never told her that you didn’t like her?”

His “No, ma’am” was a marine bark.

“Perhaps she overheard you telling someone else?” she suggested.

“No, ma’am.” His narrow-eyed gaze told her he didn’t appreciate this line of questioning.

“Have you told her that you love her?”

If she didn’t know better, she could almost have sworn that Curt actually squirmed in his seat. “No.”

“Why not? Children need to hear…”

“Look, I didn’t even know she existed until a few days ago, her mother never bothered telling me. When she died, the authorities tracked me down and brought Blue to me. I’ve only known her a few days.” Straightening his shoulders, Curt stared her right in the eye, his glance as steely as a double-edged sword. “Blue is my responsibility now, and I take my responsibilities seriously.”

“I’m just trying to do what’s right for Blue,” Jessica assured him. “She needs attention and security.”

“That’s why I signed her up here. That’s your job.”

Jessica refused to give in to her anger. “She’s looking for love and attention from a parent. From you. I realize that being a parent is a new situation for you. Our local community college has some classes that you might find helpful,” she suggested.

“I don’t need to go back to school,” he stated in disgust. “I’ve handled much more responsibility than a little three-year-old kid.” Seeing the expression on her face, he held up one hand and added, “I’m not saying I couldn’t use a few pointers. But you can do that. You can teach me what I need to know.”

Here it was. That fork in the road. Did she dare go down it with him? Even for Blue’s sake?

What other choice did she have? “I’d be willing to work with you and suggest some additional reading,” she said cautiously, “if you’re willing to learn some additional parenting skills.”

“Wait a second,” Curt said, a lightbulb suddenly going on in those brown eyes of his as he leaned forward to stare at her as if seeing her—really seeing her—for the first time. “I know who you are.”

Oh, no, not now. Not here. She wasn’t ready for this yet.

“You’re Jessie the Brain!” he said triumphantly. “We went to high school together.”