I can never be as worried about anyone without getting something in return. I need a response and emotions. My love will never be selfless, and it makes me feel very sorry for Catsu. He deserves more. I'll apologize to him the next time we meet.
15:43. I'm late, again.
03:07. He proposed to me at the prom. I've been waiting for this and I'm very happy that we will be taking a compatibility test tomorrow. But at the same time, I feel like the meanest person who plays with other people's destinies. And Catsu was so happy to hear me say yes.
03: 13. Everything will be fine. Tomorrow we will be married and can be together for an unlimited amount of time. There were just a lot of surprises that shook the psyche. The course of antidepressants is not finished, which means that I may still be concerned about emotional instability. I just wind myself up; I should just relax and go to bed.
03:31. I need to sleep.
04:06. Sleep.
See you tomorrow, Diary.
Day 29.
Hello, Diary.
Today is July 16, 2073, Sunday.
It's +25 outside, cloudy.
09:31. This day will be remembered for the rest of my life, as Catsu and I will become one family, and I still can't believe it. Now we will be even happier, and this feeling will grow with each day spent together. But, because of the uncertain future, I'm scared. Then I'll have a hectic move, a free week alone with Catsu, and go to work. And we will survive all this together.
12:41. All my friends seem to have woken up, as if on a birthday, and wish me good luck and a positive test result. It's nice. Although I do not like that, our communication with them lasts from holiday to holiday and consists in mutual congratulations. Maybe one day I'll have the strength to tell them and stop this pointless circus. Now my favorite makeup artists, hairdressers and fashion designers, whom I trust completely, will come to visit me – my friends.
15:39. I do not agree to live without the extraordinary personalities who are ready to turn the world upside down every minute. Without them, my life would be boring and monotonous nonsense. I can't thank them enough, so I'll repay them with the absolute trust they've earned over the years. And even my dear friends support and comfort me just by their presence. I'm ready for the first step into the unknown.
Wish me luck.
Day 30.
Hello, Diary.
Today is Monday, July 17, 2073.
On the street + 22, clear.
04:21. I had a dream:
Warm summer. I was going to go to the Park to spend some time alone with my sketchbook, pencil, and my thoughts.
It was July 23, 2066, 13: 47. I went out of the house and looked at the Windows of the surrounding houses, making up stories for the residents of these apartments.
For example, in a room with purple curtains and plush toys on the windowsill lived a single girl of 27 years who wanted a child, but after being rejected by the system responsible for the happiness of children, was disappointed in her husband and filed for divorce. At the moment, she works part-time as an organizer of children's matinees.
Writing such stories, I reached the Park and, sitting opposite a small bridge over a pond, began to draw.
After a while, I noticed Him.
Dark curly hair, gray eyes, average height, nothing special about Him, but I couldn't take my eyes off him. Then I drew a picture of Him.
He sat on a bench not far from me and read a book, sometimes washing it down with coffee from a convenience store nearby. And I made the first note: “He's reading one Hundred years of solitude, and he's not dressed for the weather. Perhaps He has health problems, or he is afraid of catching a cold. I want to know His name.”
After that, I drew three more portraits. There could have been a lot more if He hadn't left. Then a sequel appeared in my notes: “He lives in apartment 42, 7th entrance.”
After that, I Packed up my things and left, feeling happy and inspired, as if I had met a famous actor.
When I got home, I opened an empty notebook and wrote: “Day 1 …”, then abruptly woke up.
It wasn't a dream. This can't be a normal dream. It's He, it's definitely He. But why? Why did I see this? I had my memories of Him removed. I shouldn't have seen it. Even with the stress of yesterday's poor test result, I couldn't see it. Why didn't I just jump off that bridge like I did before? I'll go to the hospital.
10:14. Deceive me. My doctor told me everything about the operation. My memory was blocked, not deleted. And because of this, after a stressful situation, I dreamed of our first meeting.
The doctor said that I would completely unlock my memory within this year if there were no more unexpected shocks in my life, and prescribed stronger sedatives. But if their effect is too weak, I will go to a rehabilitation center again, but not for 1 month.
After this statement, I asked why my memories can't just be deleted. And the doctor asked: “Norma, are you ready to give up your life? After deleting these memories, you will become a different person, and you will have to get to know everyone again. Are you sure that your friends will continue to communicate with you if you change?” After that, I left his office and went to get more antidepressants.
I am not ready to give up the reality I am in now, even if I have to endure headaches, insomnia, apathy and a sense of loss. Everything will be all right. In 7 days, Catsu and I will take a second test, and the system will approve our relationship. I just need to wait out this week, get as far away as possible so that Catsu doesn't have a chance to understand how bad I feel.
15:36. I talked to Nora about everything that had happened, and she promised to give me the best possible week in which I wouldn't have a chance to feel bored or sad for a minute. And Mary needs a change of scenery, too. So tomorrow we will go with our family to Kontion – a resort town near the volcano. There are many hot springs and unique species of animals that can only be found in those parts, so now I will pack my suitcase. The main thing is not to forget the camera.
20:57. I told Yuna what had happened and she came to my house in half an hour with a mountain of weaknesses. Yuna knows how to cheer me up. We went from club to club, dancing with different people. Then they joined some group of students who were playing a bottle game on desire.
We were definitely not bored. Especially when the Young girl who lost the game and because of this drank wine in one gulp, came Lily. Before me, a real family drama unfolded, after which I helped carry a friend who had been working up and returned to my room.
Tomorrow the train leaves at 09: 35, so I need to complete my preparations and go to bed as soon as possible.
Good night, Diary.
Day 31.
Hello, Diary.
Today is July 18, 2073, Tuesday.
On the street +25, Sunny.
11:42. I was exhausted from the trip yesterday, so I didn't write anything down. This needs to be fixed.
Before leaving, I met with Catsu, and we had the most serious conversation of all time in the relationship. I told him about my feelings about our future.
If we don't pass the compatibility test a second time, the hope of a happy life together will disappear forever. And I'm afraid it will break me completely.
Then the Catsu said: “You need to calm down, Norma. So rest in Kontion, and then we'll talk again. If your opinion does not change, we will not take the test again. Your health is more important now. And after recovery, we can safely return to this.”
I didn't have the strength to tell him about restoring my memories. I'm afraid of losing him, afraid of being alone again. I'm hurting Catsu too much, but He's still there for me.
Now I have a whole week to think about my future and past, and make a choice in the present. And now we are going to a rented house, which is located in a national Park. That's where we'll live for the rest of our trip.
14:31. I want to stay here forever. I've never seen a house like this before. You can definitely survive a nuclear war in it, and I will definitely find the entrance to the bunker, because I am sure that it is here.
I'm enjoying my double bed, which I won back in a serious fight with Mary. I think she'll try her luck again tonight, so I won't have a chance to relax.
I'll sort things out, and then we'll go on a picnic with the whole family. Eating a vegetable salad in nature, what could be better? I hope the animals will be sociable and show themselves in all their glory.
17:58. I was inspired. There is a small waterfall and a cave in this national Park, so tomorrow I will definitely take a long walk with my camera while Nora and the others bask in the sanatorium that I refused. Because I want to be alone with myself, so I can think.
23:36. I'm staying in the Park and it's not up for discussion. On the site, you will be able to find a hot spring under the open sky.
But, the most interesting thing started here after water treatments. Because, as I'd expected, Mary hadn't given up hope of taking my big, soft bed. So, after leaving the source 10 minutes earlier, she went into my room and barricaded the door with a chest of drawers.
Of course, I didn't think my niece was capable of such a thing, but just in case, I took the key to the door on the balcony of my room with me. Now you should take the ladder, and, returning to their territory, expel the invader. The plan is ready, it remains to implement it.
Good luck to me.
*Note: *
– July 21, 05: 12. In the end, fighting for the bed, we fell asleep with our arms around each other. —
Day 32.
Good morning, Diary.
Today is Wednesday, July 19, 2073.
On the street +26, cloudy.
05:43. The morning dew and coolness, the singing of birds, the dawn breaking through the trees – an atmosphere that takes you far away from everyday problems. I want to stop this moment, but the thought flashes through my head: “what if it gets better?” – And you continue to enjoy the warm tea, sinking deeper into yourself.
An unforgettable feeling of harmony and tranquility.
07:36. I made Breakfast for everyone, because they won't be able to taste the food I made for the next 3 days. And I haven't eaten pancakes in a long time.
08:38. Now I'm alone in this house for a few days. During this time, I need to find a bunker, a secret room, a wine cellar, and a portal to the world of fantastic animals. Otherwise, it is impossible to explain the existence of all the animals that live only here.
It is a pity that I will not be able to take the flying squirrel. I fell in love with her from the moment she flew to my shoulder and sat there. If I hadn't put her in a tree, she would have come with me to the house and then to the city. I hope I'll see her on the walk.
09:42. In all news feeds this article:
“Today at 09: 03 all the accused in the case of missing children were arrested. The organizer of the kidnappings is Gordon Mel, the owner of a large company “VL” for the production of virtual worlds.
He used the memories of children for a new project that “can immerse the user in childhood and fill his life with carefree memories of forgotten years of youth.”
This project has been on sale for a month, and users noted as a plus full immersion in the world and the absolute realism of feelings and emotions received during the game.
The company's operations have been stopped and its products are being checked.
All the missing children were found and returned to their parents. »
This news made me happy, but I still can't understand how this company was able to organize mass kidnappings of children in all corners of the world. Therefore, I will now look for additional information, which will be easy to find, since the materials of all solved criminal cases are in the public domain.
10:11. It turns out that the system was actually hacked on a daily basis, by a former employee of the security team who was put under arrest because of the distribution of the access code.
VL has bribed employees who control restricted cells for prisoners. Thanks to this, a former employee gained access to the security system and hacked it. This made it possible to control the input of signals from beacons to the system. That's why children disappeared without a trace.
The kidnappings could have gone on for a long time if it hadn't been for Becky. A pity is not a single mention of a brave dog who sacrificed his life for a blood sample. Thank You, Becky.
And now it's time to move forward in search of beautiful landscapes in the collection.
12:37. My little friend has flown back to me. I decided to call it Dorobo, which means thief, because this flying squirrel stole my heart and doesn't want it back. But I don't mind, to be honest.
13:12. I said something about the scenery, forget about it. Today only, take pictures of the Dorobo.
15:41. Even in the depths of the forest, it's getting hot, so I'll go home. I have long had my eye on the lonely Jacuzzi that is looking forward to my return. But I'll save the Spa treatments for the evening, because I want to go to the city to buy food for a themed dinner.
19:26. I met Rowley! I was surprised when I was addressed by name by a tanned, strong-built girl with short hair and a baby in her arms. But, after a moment of stupor, a whole wave of positive emotions followed.
We bumped into each other in the store, and then Rowley invited me over. On the way, we discussed our last conversation and concluded that both of us had succumbed to emotions and did not want to listen and understand each other.
It turned out that after graduating from high school, Rowley became pregnant (the system approved her and Emet as parents), and they moved to this city, since there was a UPC in Emet's specialty.
After Emelie was born, the system enrolled Rowley in a remote training program as a journalist. And now she works on regional news feed. So I told her the whole story about Becky, and Rowley was so interested in it that she promised to interview Mary and tell the world about the real hero. Then I told her about my life over the past 5 years.
Rowley wanted to contact me after graduation, but when she saw that I had blocked her access to my blog and phone number, she decided to forget about me. But it's a small world, and I'm glad we can sit together again at the same table, drinking lemonade on a hot evening, and laughing at our old mistakes. We're older now, but she's still the Jolly, chatty, energetic Rowley. My Rowley. We agreed to meet tomorrow and take a walk around the city.
By the way, I want to tell you a little about Emelie, although this name completely characterizes her. It seems as if she has absorbed all the qualities of her parents. Modest and silent, like Emet, but stubborn and selfish, like Rowley. This is a wonderful child, but with a complex character.
I'll give her a remote control car tomorrow. If she really were Emet's daughter, she would appreciate it. After our long dialogue, I returned home. No longer possible to postpone the thought of the surgery, Catsu and my future.
19:34. If I agree to delete my memories, can I truly love Catsu? Give me hope for this, and I will give up the past for it.
19:52. It was as if I had found God in His face, and I was being forced to become an atheist. Because of this, I start to distance myself from people who don't understand my faith. Who is He? What's so special about It? Norma, I don't understand what you need.
20:34. It hurts, those feelings again. I miss Him, I want to see Him. Back to me. I beg. You're all I need to be happy.
21:02. Why these pills don't help. I don't want to see Him. Why is He looking at me? I'm scared, I'm scared. Why was I alone with Him again?
I need to hide in a secret room behind a wardrobe, so that He will never find me, otherwise he will kill me, stab me with a knife, or push me off the balcony, or drown me in a spring. I don't want to die.
Day 33.
Hello, Diary.
Today is July 20, 2073, Thursday.
On the street +24, cloudy.
10:41. I woke up in the hospital and my shoulder was very sore. Apparently, I lost consciousness, and the life support system received a signal from my stationary beacon. The strange thing is that I don't remember last night at all, so I'm going to reread my diary to find out what happened.
11:12. Apparently, yesterday I had hallucinations due to the side effect of new antidepressants, in which my dreams and reality combined in His image. We need to talk about this with the doctor during the examination.
11:38. The doctor said that such a reaction is possible only from exceeding the prescribed dose. Perhaps because of my headache, I took more than one pill yesterday. My condition has stabilized after the IVs, but I still shouldn't be alone. Maybe I'll ask a friend to sleep with me.
11:52. We agreed to meet at 16: 00, before that time I need to put the house in order.
13:06. I reached out as I tried to move the rack.
20:43. This time I was wrong. Emelie didn't appreciate my gift, but Emet was overjoyed and played with it all the time. Now there is no trace of his modesty, I think it was because of his profession as a programmer, because he has to communicate with many customers. We left Emily with a friend and went to the movie theater. This time the movie was in the genre of fiction. Now I want to tell its story:
The film began with a violent scene of a child being beaten by his father, who is under the influence of drugs.
Later, as a teenager, this child gave interviews, and we learned that his father sold him for experiments.
After that, we were shown this boy in a camp where there were 30 children. And they explained the essence of the first part of the military experience, the purpose of which is to artificially create ideal soldiers who do not feel pain and do not feel the fear of death, using vaccines that suppress the production of adrenaline and the sensitivity of nerve receptors. In addition to these medical procedures, serious training sessions were also held in the camp.
Most of all, I remember the relentless tournament between children at the end of each year.
After dividing all participants into pairs, the first stage of the tournament began-a fight without rules for 1 minute. After that, the judge chose the winner, who goes to the second round, which lasts 2 minutes. This continued until the final, where the fight was not limited in time.
The winner of this tournament could ask the judge for one item, which will be delivered as soon as possible. Therefore, the last fight was always the most brutal competition.
Our person of course wins, and as a reward asks for his mother's ring, left as a keepsake.
So, the story, following the ring, begins to tell about the father of this guy who, after a year with the sale of his son, met a doctor who agreed to help him with a problem that is destroying him. As a result, this man was able to get rid of his physical addiction to drugs and decides to find and return his child.
Then the main part of the feed began, showing the parent's attempts to stop the experiment. Noticing the inaction of the police, he directly appeals to the government, but in the end, gets behind bars for possession of imported drugs that were planted on him.
And our story, again continuing the path behind the ring, returns to a young man of 19 years, who becomes a member of a special squad consisting of 15 people. Their goal is to protect all the sponsors of the experiment, during the war for the territory rich in wood and liquid fuel. Participating in the second stage of the experience. The meaning of which is the natural breeding of ideal soldiers by “crossing” the participants of the first experiment.
Thus, 4 years pass, during which the guy builds a family life, raises a daughter. The war is ending, and here you can finish the movie.
So then we were shown the last episode, where the father, after escaping from prison, finds the person who put him in prison (ordering him to plant drugs) and kills him.
And who was responsible for the safety of this person? Of course the main character!
Because of this, he and five other special squad members go in search of the killer in order to destroy the criminal.
Then the long-awaited reunion of father and son, after that I stopped holding back tears that flowed not from joy for the characters, but from resentment and bitterness.
The main character managed to utter only: “Father…”, – before the destruction of this killer by another member of the squad.
End of the movie.
And you know, diary, I don't want to comment on this work, and I don't want to remember its existence either. I just have one question for the screenwriter: “Why do you make me feel angry and hate the government and people?” – After what I saw, I seemed to fall out of reality for a while, so I don't remember what we had for dinner or whether we ate at all. When I woke up, I was sitting in a taxi on my way home.
Rowley will be here by 21: 00, so I'll still have time to make chocolate-covered strawberries. Today I took only the prescribed dose so everything should be fine.
03: 26. I decided to talk to Rowley about the operation to remove memories, and we had a heated discussion. On the one hand, these memories are hurting my life, but they have affected my character, making me who I am. On the other hand, there are people close to me who are ready to support any decision I make. After talking to Rowley, I decided that Catsu and I would re-pass the compatibility test, because the system rarely gives this opportunity to couples whose result was less than 80%. Now that I've put my thoughts on the right shelves, I can sleep in peace.
Bye, Diary.
Day 34.
Hello, Diary.
Today is July 22, 2073, Saturday.
On the street +25, Sunny.
08:41. Rowley had recently left and said that she would drop by later that evening when Mary returned for an interview. Now I'm alone again, and to avoid boredom, I'll go into the woods. From the trip, you need to bring not only photos with Dorobo, but also with other animals and beautiful landscapes.
12:13. Time passes quickly when you spend it doing something you love. I came across a small clearing with flowers and took a picture to show Lavender and Lilia. We haven't seen each other for a week, and I have so many things to discuss that we won't even have a day. I miss them.
We, of course, communicate every day in the blog and call often, but this can not be compared to live communication, when you see the emotions and feelings of the interlocutor.
By the way, Lava went with Hakon to the annual conference yesterday, so that designers could guess the most likely art trends of the next season. My profession is also related to this area, so I will wait for the results. They are usually announced in a month, but I will be able to receive them immediately after the conference. I hope Lavender is enjoying this trip.
14:52. Finally, the family is back together, and I won't be alone in a two-story house in the middle of the woods. When I was here alone, there was a desire to come to my modest, but native apartment in the city. But if close people are around, I feel comfortable in any place; boredom disappears under the pressure of a friendly atmosphere and jokes.
16: 14. As planned, Rowley stopped by and I noticed that she was getting more serious while working. Now the world will know exactly Becky's story.
18:33. While Mary and I were wandering around the house looking for matches for the barbecue; we found a small closet that had everything you could think of. Vinyl records, movie discs, soccer balls (and more), tennis rackets, skates, even trombone and horn. But we focused on the guitar, and I'm sure we had one thought: “Damon can play the guitar!”
Therefore, the usual cooking on the grill turned into an evening by the fire with live music. Another memory in the piggy Bank.
20:51. This house really has everything. While we were looking for a DVD player, we came across a monopoly. And this game delayed us for 2 hours. Nora went bankrupt first, then her daughter dropped out, and Damon and I had an intellectual war. In which, I made a small mistake, the consequences of this accident were irreparable, and I lost. We didn't decide on the second batch, so we went to the hot spring to wait for the sunset and then go to bed. But I plan to enjoy the starry sky tonight, because I won't get the chance tomorrow.
01:57. We lit scented candles near the spring, and if you add to this the sunset and the evening coolness, it makes a perfect end to our journey. But I will definitely come back here with Catsu, because I will not survive without Dorobo.
Now everyone is going to bed, I found a book in the closet that doesn't even have a cover, and I want to read it.
05:49. This is a fantastic story about a world inside a closet where a war has unfolded, involving griffins, centaurs, and other magical creatures.
The author described the actions and thoughts of characters of different ages, which made it possible to better understand the story. Also, while reading, I did not let go of the idea that this is one big fiction invented by the collective mind of children.
Overall, I liked the book. So when I get back, I will definitely go around the libraries and look for something similar.
That's it, it's time to prepare Breakfast and pack your things.
See you later, Diary.
Day 35.
Hello, Diary.
Today is July 23, 2073, Sunday.
On the street +26, cloudy.
08:52. Things are collected, the dust is wiped, Breakfast is eaten, it remains to say goodbye to Dorobo and go to the station. I need to warn Catsu about this, because I have some good news for Him.
10:21. Sitting on the train, I remembered old movies in which such trips were accompanied by the monotonous clatter of wheels on the junction between the rails. I would like to hear this sound not from the speaker, but in reality. There's got to be an old rails and trains, and I am sure you will find them. Remaining 10 minutes before our arrival in the city, we need to think through the dialogue with Catsu.
12:47. Catsu suggested doing a compatibility test so that tomorrow morning would be time to prepare for Sammy's birthday. This news was unexpected for me, but it would be strange to expect anything else from a logic teacher.
The test will take place at 15: 00, until then I need to. We definitely won't get a third chance, so if I really want to be with Catsu (and I do), then I need to do my best.
I don't think I'll tell anyone about the test, and if the system approves our marriage, we'll announce it tomorrow, otherwise I'll just go on with my life, because life doesn't just depend on Catsu.
13: 31. The closer the test, the less confidence in your decision. I need to get my mind off it somehow, or I'll go crazy before I get my blocked memories back. I'll take a walk through the libraries.
14:43. I'm late for such an important event, it's annoying. I hope Catsu didn't think I'd tricked him into running away.
Wish us luck, diary. Everything will be all right.
Day 36.
Good morning, Diary.
Today is Monday, July 24, 2073.
07:02. * Change password 063073 to 072573. *
I think now I will change my password every day, because I can be near a loved one for an unlimited amount of time.
Yesterday, we passed a 93% compatibility test and got married. After that, Catsu suggested that we seal our Union with wedding rings (this is an old tradition that means endless love for each other), and I agreed. Then he invited me to a restaurant, where we had a delicious dinner. But the most interesting thing happened in the evening. My beloved said that he had prepared another surprise for me, and I got back in the car.
The road passed unnoticed as we discussed further plans to move and the announcement of our marriage.
For us, a new stage of life has begun, which we will go through together. I feel like I can enjoy every day without having to think about past mistakes and failures. I am filled with a desire to act; I want to visit all corners of this world, try all kinds of extreme recreation, get a flying squirrel and live, sharing my joy with others. Perhaps in the future we will become parents and raise another person. Catsu took me to the waterfall Dei lacrimas, which I had long wanted to visit.
The sun gradually sank below the horizon, and the rainbow next to the waterfall became lighter – on such a beautiful background, we took the first photo for the album of the couple. I'm glad I met him at the hospital. Perhaps if it weren't for my dreams and hallucinations about that man, we would never have met.
Thank you, the man who broke me, but gave me the opportunity to love and be loved. I hope my memories of you don't come back, and I'll never meet you again. When the sun went down, it was cool outside, and we decided to go to our house.
Now we will live in a two-story apartment with large panoramic Windows, a balcony that can accommodate a dining table and a couple of armchairs. A library that I can fill with my favorite books, and a huge bathroom. There's even a private room for the Girl who lived with Catsu during my absence from the city. After a late supper, we went to bed.
I think every morning in this house will be perfect now. Waking up in a warm embrace, Breakfast prepared by her husband, a joint trip to work, parting at 9 o'clock, an evening date, dinner and sleep – this is every day after August 1.
I still find it hard to believe in the reality of what is happening. Maybe this is just a dream that I definitely don't want to Wake up from. It's time for Breakfast, and then to accompany hubby to work.
09:12. I'm going to go back to my apartment and pack my things. I also need to prepare a gift for Sammy.
14:53. Why do I have so many things in my house? I'll have to take extra boxes, because nothing else will fit in my suitcases.
15:23. Catsu doesn't have many classes this month, so he can leave work after sending the report.
We'll move all the boxes. I'll be sorting them out tomorrow, because Sammy's birthday starts in an hour.
16:12. Apparently, the ability to be constantly late is contagious. Catsu and I were choosing a pair image to announce our relationship from the doorstep. I am happy with the result, so a little delay will not spoil anything. Anyway, the birthday boy invited us half an hour earlier, because he knows me very well. Although I wanted to come earlier to meet Annie, the Muse of my named brother.