Lifehack for Moms. A fun book for loving moms!

I remember when our Matvey was born it was the time of the FIFA World Cup. The new father was watching matches in the nights while rocking our child. And I, the mother (thanks to this championship!), was sleeping. In the morning I took over, so we were taking turns. One year later Matvey learned to kick his first ball. Hockey is up next.

8. Some have a talent to give endless advice to all who are unable to resist. If inexperienced parents become victims of such advisers… Co-sleeping or teaching the baby to sleep in his own bed since birth, breastfeeding on demand or schedule, until one or three years old… Now the Internet and the books are full of a lot of advice and radically conflicting theories about a child’s upbringing. New mothers easily feel at a loss and start doubting themselves. Am I doing everything right? Am I a good mother? It is hardest in the beginning because you not have enough experience yet, and the baby expresses his needs only by screaming, and you do not always understand him\her. Some men do not pay much attention to these things but new mothers sometimes find it hard to feel all this pressure from all the theories, advice and opinions of other people. Do not let anyone (not the Internet, not relatives, not your neighbor with three kids) make your partner doubt that she is the best mother for your baby and feel its needs better than anyone else. Do not doubt yourself as well! If you need advice – read about it or ask someone yourself. Then you can decide what to do.

Now your head is busy dealing with all important tasks in connection with the expansion of your family. You think about the future and make plans. You feel responsible for your family because now not only your own life is in your hands. You are impatient to see the baby who is about to come into this world.

And then in an instant it will happen. You will become a father. And your life, your whole world will never be the same again.

You will be bringing up your child and celebrate all his\her first successes. You will become a role model. You will see how your baby makes the first steps in his\her life. You will hear how he\she says “daddy” for the first time.

This tiny newborn will be radiating so much warmth and love, so many hopes and joy and happiness for you! You will understand it all yourself when you hold your baby for the first time.

Chapter 4. Baby care

It is so amazing how our values and priorities change with the birth of a child! A long time ago I was so much into work, I cared about the political situation in our country and the best deals on plane tickets to faraway places. And then my universe suddenly collapsed to the size of 55 cm and 3870 kg. Now my main worry is not the crisis in the economy but green snot and a blocked nose. Body temperature higher than 38,5C is simply a disaster on a global scale!

And I am not alone in this. When a baby is born, many new parents have lots of questions. “What to do with him\her now?”, “How to take care of this beautiful tiny creature?”, “How to protect his\her health?”. Especially that this very creature will not tell you anything specific, only “a-a-a” in different keys. You start having a lot of duties that you did not even think about before. For example, clipping baby’s nails. Did you see how tiny they are? Compared to them even the smallest baby scissors will look like gardener’s tools!

The following list will help you care for your baby since the first days of his life. The following pieces of advice can hardly be considered unique lifehacks. It is just some useful tips for those who became parents for the first time.

І. Caring for a newborn

1. Bathing

You can, and in fact should, bathe your baby since birth. Of course, until umbilical wound is not fully healed, do it very delicately. Try not to let any water get inside it. It is enough to use only a wet sponge, you do not need to fully submerge your baby in the water. By the way, for these first days it is better to use filtered, boiled or settled water (it is enough to let it stay for one hour).

Some pediatricians recommend adding pre-made solution of potassium permanganate, some – an herbal infusion of beggarticks. Later, when the umbilical wound heals, you can use simple tap water and bathe a baby in a big bath.

Baby soap is used in beginning only for washing the baby’s bottom after he makes big toilet. There is no need to bathe your baby with soap since birth. It is enough to wash the baby’s head one time a week.

Make sure that you support baby’s head and neck with your hand while bathing. It is much more comfortable to support the head with the crease of your elbow.

Water temperature should be comfortable for your baby. I am not a fan of reckless cold water training since birth. It is recommended that the water temperature for first baths should be around 36—38 °С.

How to easily check the water temperature without thermometer? Dip your elbow in the water. You should feel neither too hot nor too cold. This will be the ideal temperature. Some days later you can start gradually lowering the temperature (and it will be ideal if you go down to 30 °С).

During bathing pay special attention to all skin folds. Newborn babies have very deep skin folds. They are found in armpits, groin, neck (which appears absent in beginning) and skin behind the ears. I remember that breast milk regularly trickled down behind my baby’s ears, so when I saw this white coating of uncertain origin behind his ears, I thought it was some skin condition.

First few months every time after bathing put on a light cotton cap on your baby’s head to avoid hypothermia. Do not forget to close the window in the baby’s room before exiting the bathroom. However, do not deliberately heat up the room, in fear that your baby will feel cold.

2. Umbilicus

It is very easy to care for the umbilical wound. After bathing you can gently dab it with a cotton ball wetted with hydrogen peroxide.

3. Nose

The tiny nose needs everyday cleaning. It is done with handmade cotton swabs that you roll from medical cotton wool. Wet it with liquid paraffin. Every nostril needs a separate small cotton swab. Gently give it a twist inside a nostril.

Remember that the most important thing for that tiny nose’s health (and all other body parts) is a clean humid air. That is why your first purchase for the bedroom should be the air humidifier. Wet cleaning is an important everyday ritual as well, along with nose cleaning.

4. Nails

One of my most vivid impressions right after birth was seeing my son with long nails. While pregnant I pictured his cute little face and chubby baby legs and arms. But that manicure!.. For a long time I postponed nail clipping and the first time it was done by a child doctor who came to check up on my son. Eventually, I got the hang of it and started cutting these tiny nails while breastfeeding.

By the way, some find it easier to use special baby nail clippers for that purpose, not scissors.

5. Diapers

I think we have used up tons of diapers. In the beginning I was wondering how often I should change them. It turned out that in the beginning your baby will regulate the frequency of diaper changing. More specifically, it is his\her big toilet after almost every breastfeeding session. And I should say my son was feeding on demand and with great appetite.

Many modern diapers have a special wetness indicator. I actually noticed it by the sixth month.

If you need approximate numbers, I would say that in 24 hours we were using around 8—10 pieces, considering that we changed it every 2—3 hours and were leaving the baby naked for a while. Speaking of this, try to leave your baby naked as much as possible to let his skin breathe without a diaper, when he is not sleeping. At this time, you can put your baby on his belly (knees apart, like a frog). Like this you get him\her used to lower temperatures, air the skin folds between the legs and prevent colic.

Baby powder is considered to be an essential part of baby care by many, but it can actually form pellets and cause irritation in the skin folds. It is better to use modern nappy creams if you notice any rash. If your baby’s skin is fine, you do not need to use any cream at all, not even as a preventive measure.

6. Infant seborrhea (cradle cap)

It is not uncommon to encounter infant seborrhea. It is yellowish patches that form on a baby’s head and eyebrows. It is not hard to get rid of it, but necessary. Just apply some mineral oil on these scales a couple of hours before bathing and put on a cotton cap on your baby’s head. After that wash the baby’s head thoroughly with the baby shampoo and gently brush the hair with a soft hairbrush. Two or three days of such procedures, and the seborrhea will disappear.

I remember that once, in this fight with cradle cap, I applied mineral oil to Matvey’s head. But my son did not wait for his evening bath and suddenly fell asleep. With mineral oil in his hair. I asked my husband: “So what do we do now?” Without a word, he brought a bowl of warm water and a sponge. Together, sitting in a dark room, we were washing our sleeping son’s head. Matvey was peacefully asleep during the whole procedure and did not even make a sound.

ІІ. Baby’s health

Most people are born healthy,

It is the doctors who make them ill…

О. Е. Komarovsky, famous Ukrainian pediatrician

I am not a doctor, so here you will not find advice on how to cure baby illnesses. However, like any normal mother, I gathered a lot of useful information about how to keep a baby healthy. I will be happy if you also find it useful. So here it goes, my personal list of advice.

1. In some countries it is possible to call a doctor for advice but it may involve extra costs. If you have such an opportunity, find a good pediatrician and take their telephone number. Phone consultation can help in many situations when you need to start treatment as soon as possible, without losing time, and it will save new mommy’s nerves.

2. Fresh air is an essential condition for child (and adult) health. Maybe it is the most common advice in this book, but do not underestimate its importance. Go for a walk! Every walk is not just circling the park. It is an everyday additional plus for your child’s health. For this reason alone, it is worth it to take out that baby carriage even if there are no ramps in your house.

When you are at home, also let some fresh air into your house. Air the rooms as often as possible. Open all windows for ventilation when you go for a walk. If you stay home, you can carry your baby from one room to another, airing each room in turn. Do not be afraid of open windows, especially in the summer.

3. Air humidifier is an essential device in the house with children. Humid air is important for the sensitive baby skin and respiratory organs. In winter sometimes it is not enough to only turn on your air humidifier. Additionally, you can put wet towels on radiators.

4. Massage is beneficial for all babies. It is recommended to start doing massage starting from one month. There is a therapeutic massage which is done by professionals, but a common, general massage is something which you can do yourself, especially knowing that massage done by the parents is more pleasant for a baby. There are some great books about baby massage and gymnastics for beginners that can be done by parents at home.

5. Cold training – many associate it with bathing in ice cold water and walking barefoot on the snow. However, it is not only these entertaining activities. It is introducing your child to different temperatures, water and sun. It is also getting some fresh air every day, adequately dressing your baby according to weather, not wearing socks inside the house and bathing. All of the mentioned things help to toughen up your child.

6. Important conditions for recovering from an illness. I will not describe any specific illnesses here, and it is not reasonable to diagnose “online”. However, there are some simple yet very effective steps that will help your child to recover faster from any form of cold, and not only cold.

The steps are:

– airing the house regularly;

– air humidification (because in humid air mucus from the nose is discharged faster, and phlegm is easily expectorated while coughing);

– cool air in the nursery (around 20 °С, not higher than 22 °С). And do not forget to adequately dress your child so that the body temperature is naturally regulated (by spending the energy to warm up the inhaled air), and mucus does not dry up (which happens when the temperature is higher than 22 °С), otherwise it will be harder to expectorate phlegm;

– increased warm fluid intake (breast milk, dried fruit drink or water) to help thin the blood, remove toxins and lower body temperature. If your baby quickly loses water as well (for example, sweats or, God forbid, vomits or has a diarrhea), it is crucial to rehydrate, because while losing water your baby also loses all nutrients. To rehydrate you can give your baby a sugar-and-salt solution (sold in pharmacies). If you do not have it, give a simple dried fruit drink which is also rich in nutrients;

– put a few drops of saline solution to the nose (to moisten the nasal mucous membrane);

– if the condition of your baby is not serious and there is no fever, going for a walk is very beneficial.

All above mentioned advice will help to fight off the illness, not only for a baby, but for an adult as well.

Please note again, that I am not a doctor and all of the above are just suggestions to help your baby recover but it is not a universal cure from all illnesses.

7. Household safety.

– if your baby is choking over something:

Learn the first aid actions to perform in this situation (when a foreign object restricts breathing). You will not have any time to look for this information somewhere and it might be too late when an ambulance comes. There are different techniques (such as Heimlich maneuver), each of them used on children of various age: from newborn to older children. It would be perfect if you watch video tutorials (for example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4uS5EmpeEs). Practice on teddy bears and relatives, and you will feel much more confident and calm;

– if your baby puts something in his nose:

When your baby learns to crawl, regularly check the floors and all surfaces for small objects. Never try to take the foreign object out yourself, even if you feel that you can do it easily. It is good if your baby already knows how to blow his nose. In this case the problem can be solved easily. If he cannot, let your baby sniff some black pepper and wait for a big productive “achoo!” Did not help? Visit the ENT specialist;

– if your baby eats something he is not supposed to eat (including allergens):

In this case preventive measures are most effective. However, if such accident does happen, give your baby some Enterosgel dissolved in the water, or any other adsorbent (according to age). It is also helpful to keep antihistaminic medicine at home as well. You never know which product, flower on the street or a neighbor’s hamster can cause allergy for your baby. Depending on the situation, if your baby swallows a dangerous substance or develops a fast reaction, swelling or experiences difficulty breathing, call an ambulance.

8. Safety measures in the period of epidemic. When your baby is ill (and his immunity is weak) and in times of epidemic in your city, do not take chances. Do not visit crowded places with the baby, especially if his nose is blocked, because in this situation it is easier to catch an infection.

My husband works in shifts, so when he was out of town at work for some weeks, during the flu epidemic, I had to be creative and do the shopping without going to the supermarkets. We were walking and buying groceries from the street stands, where you do not have to go inside. Also, we preferred walking in the park and going to friends and relatives, as opposed to going to cafes, shopping malls and playgrounds.

Furthermore, during the increase of incidence rate, regularly wash the baby’s and your own nose with saline solution. Drink more water, eat garlic and products rich in vitamins.

If you get ill, wear a medical face mask at home and change it every two hours. Take into consideration the above mentioned things and get well soon!

9. Read any popular book about pediatrics and first aid. Nowadays bookstores and the Internet are full of books on this subject, written especially for parents. Having studied them, you will be able to recognize symptoms of different illnesses and take the first necessary steps to help your child before the doctor arrives. Start from the popular books by William and Martha Sears who raised eight children (“The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from Birth to Age Two”). Overall, when it comes to the baby’s health, it is important to keep the balance between common sense, maternal intuition and knowledge. Before over-medicalizing your baby, have some valerian root and calm down. A baby is born with immunity and can handle fighting many infections, he\she just needs a little help. Yes, it might sound horrible to “not do anything” when your baby’s body temperature is 37.5, but trust me, if you give antifebrile medicine, it will only lower the performance of the baby’s own immune system. You can learn that from any knowledgeable pediatrician. Watch your child, listen to what your heart says, consider professionals’ advice – and you will find the best solutions to support your baby’s health.

Children have an amazing gift of feeling our mood and fears. If a baby is perfectly healthy but his mom is too worried and just “waits” when he\she gets ill, it will happen eventually, without a doubt.

All of us should stop reading many scary stories on the Internet, imagine what happens if our baby gets ill and simply panic. There will be snots, and not once. There will be high fever and diarrhea. As well as first nail trimming, first blood test and first appointment at the dentist. But in the end everything will be fine! Always remember that.

Chapter 5. Safety rules

Children are such charming people. You cannot take your eyes off them.

And if you do – you have only yourself to blame.

Zaryana and Nina Nekrasov. “Stop raising children – help them grow up”

I remember one episode since the time when I was pregnant. I was at the NST – with my beautiful belly tied with ribbons and decorated with sensors, reading a smart book about raising a child. So, I was laying there, trying to read, and my eyes were not on the book but on the fetal monitor tape. Here the line strangely went up, and now it is suspiciously quiet. I do not know anything about non-stress tests, but there is something definitely wrong with my baby’s heartbeat. I call for a nurse. She studies the tape and then looks at me… and says the words that I will remember forever: “Ok, mommy, when your baby is born, you will have many more reasons to worry. Will you panic like that always? Your NST is perfectly fine!”

Then, already after birth, I understood the main difference that occurs in a woman after she has had a baby. I am not talking about changing your bra from B cup to DD. And it is not about the fact that after birth mommies do not tend to converse about universal matters, preferring “we woke up” and “we pooped” instead. The most dramatic change is the fear that is now firmly settled in the brain of a delivered woman. Fear for her child, for baby’s health and for herself as well.

Before birth I was rarely scared for my life. I could even call myself an adrenaline junkie. But then I became more of a “scaredy cat”. It seemed now that it is more dangerous on the road than it was before, black ice became especially frightening, and the air – more dirty (so we definitely have to move outside of the city). I was an overeducated mother and already knew about SIDS and apnea, so at night every half hour I was rushing to the crib to see how my baby was breathing.

After about a year this paranoia started to abate. But I already accepted the fact that it will never go away fully.

I am not alone. Future mommies prepare to become an advanced parent with all their might, swallowing books about early child development and studying advice on how to raise a genius since birth. After birth they suddenly realize that all of this is not so important yet. It is much more important to protect their baby from all dangers of this world.

If you want to avoid many reasons to drink sedatives, it is better to take all necessary precautions and discuss them with the family (and better yet, write all safety rules down). When my husband and I started going out again, we started leaving Matvey with his grandmothers who did babysitting. We printed out an impressive list of household safety rules and put it on refrigerator. This way everyone felt more confident: us, new parents, and the baby’s grandmothers who forgot things and anyway had an approach of “we-did-raise-you-somehow”.

Let’s divide all those rules into three relative categories according to baby’s age (or simply speaking, according to the method which he uses to get around). Every next list is an addition to the previous one and includes new rules that take into account your baby’s growing-up.

Ι. Until your baby learns to crawl

It seems like a newborn is not capable of anything yet. He\she will stay wherever you put him\her and is not able to do anything dangerous. However, everyday your little one develops new skills. There, he\she grabbed a rattle for the first time, rolled over to his tummy for the first time, and there you see he\she already rolled two meters away from where he\she was… I remember Matvey was four months old when my friend asked me: “So, did he\she fall off a bed already?” At that time, I thought: “How!? How is that possible to not look after your baby properly and let him fall off a bed?” Later I learned how. About six times.

– On the changing table

Never leave your baby unattended. Even if he\she did not learn how to roll over yet, your little one can move in unimaginable directions, just like a little caterpillar. Keep all baby care products so that your baby cannot reach them when lying on a changing table.

– In the bathroom

Check the water temperature with your elbow. The palms of our hands are much less sensitive. The ideal temperature is when your elbow does not feel cold or hot.

When bathing a baby support his head with the palm of your hand or put it on the crease of your elbow.

3. In the baby bed

Mattress in the baby bed should be enough hard and not easily sagged. Children do not need a pillow until 1,5—2 years old. Do not cover your baby with a blanket fully to the neck and on top of the baby’s hands. If you do, he can pull the blanket over his\her face. Either swaddle, or use a special baby sleeping bag.

If you put cushions around for a more comfortable sleep, make sure that they are not close to the baby’s face and do not close the baby’s nose. If you sleep next to your baby, make sure that it is safe. Do not use the same blanket and put a cushion between you and the baby.

4. Around the baby

There should not be any long ribbons and strings (on clothes, toys, pacifiers, etc.) in the vicinity. When you are holding a baby (or stay close to him\her), do not drink or eat anything too hot.

5. In the car

Doctors recommend to minimize the number of rides in a car with a baby until he can hold his head. If you have to, you can use a special collar for a baby to support the neck. Naturally, a child of any age must be put in a child safety seat. Yes, babies sometimes do not like to stay in the seat fastened, but safety is more important than silence.

To ensure safety in the car, it is important to buy a good safety seat and install it correctly as well.

Group 0 seats (so-called infant carriers) are installed only on the back seat of a car, perpendicular to the direction of the movement, head to door. Baby carriers hold the baby lying on the back.

Group 0+ seats are installed only in a rear-facing position, preferably on the back seat. If you put it on the front seat, make sure to turn the passenger airbag off.

Group 1 seats (for children who weigh 9—18 kg and can already sit properly) are forward-facing. Your baby is secured in the seat with a 5-point harness.

6. When going for a walk

In the summer avoid direct sunlight on the newborn’s skin. When your baby grows up a little, do not forget about the baby sunhat and sunscreen.

ΙΙ. When your baby already crawls

In the blink of an eye you baby will start getting around on his\her own. It seems like only yesterday he\she was laying on his tummy, and there he\she is, already crawled to the cupboard and is now playing with pots, spoons, pasta and other educational material.

If you do not want to impose restrictions or have many reasons to worry, simply make your home safe in advance. Before your little one starts exploring the surroundings, remove all electric cables and other dangerous things from the floor.

1. Safe environment at home

Get into the habit of closing the doors of all potentially dangerous spaces: balconies, pantry, closet with household cleaning products, etc. Put safety plugs into electrical sockets, hide away the cables, household chemicals and pharmaceuticals (better put them in an inaccessible lockable place). Put higher all sharp and breakable objects (such as vases, glass jars and bottles, household tools, etc.). Put away plastic bags and cords.

Let your sweet baby explore the environment without fear. Just make this world around him\her safer.

2. Drawers and cabinets

To ensure that your little one does not jam his fingers while playing with drawers and cabinet doors, put special stoppers on them. You could also temporarily remove handles from some drawers so that the baby could not open them. Drawers and cabinets with dangerous contents must be locked or emptied.

Instead of dangerous objects you can fill them with toys, plastic containers, etc. Packs with different grains make a great toy for a child. They are unusual to touch and rustle, making the baby happy. However, mom will not be so happy when a child learns how to open the pack and paints a creative picture with that buckwheat on the floor.

3. In the bathroom

Never ever leave the baby unattended, even if he is sitting in the bath calm and stable. A baby can drown even when there is a couple of centimeters of water! Shampoos and other washing objects should be removed from the baby’s vicinity.

4. In the pram

Always fasten safety belts when your baby starts sitting upright. If you left the belts unfastened when the baby is sleeping, make sure you keep an eye on the pram, even at home.

5. Food

When you start introducing your baby to normal food, do not rush and give hard pieces of food which can result in choking (for example, a piece of apple). Even when your baby already has some teeth and can bite, he\she still cannot chew well. With time your baby will gnaw carrots and bagels, do not worry. He will not eat mashed foods all his life.

6. Toys

Carefully inspect all toys which your baby wants to play with. New toy train must not smell of dangerous chemicals. Teddy bear should not want to lose his eye immediately when your baby wants to rip it off. It is better that the baby is introduced to new toys in your presence. This way you can assess how safe it is for a baby of a certain age.

When your child learns to crawl, the collection of his toys will grow automatically. Any set of plastic containers will become the new building blocks, and the lid from one of your pots will make the best sounding rattle. To develop fine motor skills your baby will use not only kinetic sand but also kinetic cereal, and for the most curious little minds – kinetic something which appears when the baby is crawling around without a diaper on. Just watch!

7. If you need to leave the room

Do not take chances. Even if you need to leave the baby of this age for one minute alone in the room. If you need to go to bathroom, for example, put your baby in the playpen.

ΙΙΙ. When your baby learns to walk or can already do so

I will never forget the excitement I felt seeing my son Matvey’s first steps. Having mustered all his will power and 11 months of experience, full of concentration, he was taking his feet off the ground, making one step after another. It is hard to know which emotions he had at that time but my husband and I were endlessly happy. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was shouting to my husband from the kitchen: “He just made fourteen steps! Four-teen! Can you imagine!”

First steps is not an easy time for parents because you literally have to watch your baby’s every movement, since he still falls quite often. Nevertheless, there is no need to panic and make your child a victim of hyper protection. Marketing specialists, who are well aware of all parents’ fears, invented thousands of “totally necessary” devices to make baby’s first steps as safe as possible. Baby walkers, baby leash and even a special helmet… How did generations of our ancestors even survive, in those times when the word “marketing” did not even exist?

1. Corners

What is really dangerous for a child who only learns to walk? Furniture corners (cabinets, coffee tables, etc.). Because a baby can hit his head quite hard when falling. Remove all extra furniture out of your baby’s way and use special soft protectors for the corners.

2. Tables

Tables are home to many interesting things. The harder to get them, the higher your child’s curiosity. To keep your little explorer out of harm’s way, remove tablecloths (otherwise some heavy object can fall on a child when he\she pulls the edge of a fabric). All objects, especially sharp and hot, are better kept closer to the center of the table. To make a habit out of it, draw a line with a pencil along the edges of all tables and countertops, around 10—15 cm from the edge. The line will be erased with time, but the habit will remain.