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MY SOUL CRIES

FIRST PART

Of Giorgio De Ritis

The smile was your gift,

with that I grew up and with that you're gone.

To my second soul,

MY GRANDFATHER GABRIELE.

CHAPTER I

I strongly believe that the time does not age the skin or heal our pains most unbearable. I believe that the same time take care of us, me and you.

To be noted: each of us chooses his own destiny and its own way to go, then every path you decide to implement, life puts before great challenges. It depends on the people decide on final act of their stories.

Life, in this case, decided for him: she was there.

In a February colder than usual on Saturday afternoon, Simone, a young soul of just fifteen years struggling with adolescence, did not know that from there in a few hours the fate could change his life, in a snap of the fingers. He lived with his mother, paternal grandparents, with his brothers Sebastiano, Valerio and Giorgia and a lovely dog.

The father has decided to embark on a road of no return and Simone already knew that in the future he would find a void difficult to fill.

The separation from his parents weighed on the outcome of his adolescence and especially the school had become a disaster in recent times, the art school taken right to the last train, one of those who pass once in a lifetime. In the classrooms with numbers like the universities, their eyes had crossed.

In the 3rd of that year there was a big party from 8:00 at 13:45. It was a pretty weird a little bit for everyone but especially for Simone.

"Simone! Instead of sitting there idling on the bench tell me if you have studied Dante? " the teacher of letters said.

"Dante's Cock! UH prof look ... Yesterday I had to dedicate myself to my grandfather. You know, he's got a bad disease. "

"Okay, but next time come up with a better excuse, Sleepyhead!"

Simone inwardly he knew he had to study, but what would the Professor of letters, however, believed on the word. Now Simone knew he had already played the confidence of all teachers of that school because of its many lies but how could they know that the guy this time was telling the truth and that destiny has decided the way of her beloved grandfather, because of that illness which had taken possession of him?

No one believe him anymore because now no one could really figure out when he was telling the truth or not.

Day in the life of Simone became more gloomy, grey and cold every morning had become just like that beloved February and felt that something inside him was already changing, but was not yet ready to understand life.

The school continued to be a complete disaster and the long-awaited day had come: the school Assembly.

Here wishing I could make you smile, but only now I see the shame that a mother can feel.

On the morning of the bloody meeting shone a radiant sun, kind of like his classmate and adventures Gonzalo was. He came from Argentina, he was in Italy for seven years and he was a very nice guy with many girls around him. I was wondering if it weren't for the fact that he was muscular or because maybe he knew just how to get pleasure.

While the two were talking with their gang of friends, suddenly they saw to get a mix of a goat and Mahatma Gandhi with drawing equipment in one hand and in the other his purse where always had a seasonal fruit for your morning snack. As is his custom, he opened the classroom window to change the air but I don't know if you could tell he was got out the winter and that that sun had been put there by the creator only to deceive.

"Good morning 3A!" he said with a beautiful voice ringing, "are you ready to paint?". "Professor doesn't explain, right? Wait at least the second now! " the entire class exclaimed in chorus.

The Professor knew they could find a way to keep lesson but, despite everything, sometimes their demands satisfied.

Made the customary appeal, all were preparing to draw except three boys, the usual: Gonzalo, Simone and Leonardo.

Oh I forgot, how can I let him! Leonardo may seem strange to the impact, but getting to know him over the years can be understood as in him, besides his sympathy and a touch of extravagance, he concealed a boy with all my heart and soul good, always willing to help out when there was a need.

Simone turned and waved at Sandra, Lucia and then her, Cecilia, what possibly could be his girlfriend, just that, again, fate would have it there was a different course.

"What did you do yesterday afternoon?" he asked.

"Nothing," Lucia and Sandra replied simply.

"I went to the course of the license," said Cecilia.

Simone, Gonzalo and Leonardo were informed more until, at some point, it was time bet. Simone was drinking and pretended to spit water on Cecilia. "Simone so you don't have the guts to spit water on drawing", the girls challenged, Sandra and Lucia.

"You think I don't have courage? You watch, "retorted Simone, and in no time at all the water ended up on Cecilia.

The staggered faces she commented on from sun and Cecilia, incredulous and irritated, he raised his finger furiously calling the professor.

Fate would have it that day did not take one of those notes you would remember for years and in less time than it takes to say Simone was the outline of Professor of geometric pattern in front of him who reproached him to redesign the table to poor Cecilia and threatened to tell the fact to the mother during the afternoon meeting.

"No, she professed, stop! I will remake it , for God's sake! " the girl replied dryly knowing that the quality of Bill Simone was equal to buy expired food at discount stores. But then he was there for photography and not for design.

That was a strange year where Simone in his heart already knew that the rejection was imminent.

One thing I've been able to admire by Simone is that whatever problem he was always able to rise again, it wasn't a boy yielding, knew motivate yourself and fight in front of every evil.

Finally arrived that afternoon. It was December, outside the sky was already turned black, a neutral colour in the mind of every human being which the soul can really understand its nuances. Elena's mother, Simone, appreciated the darkness even though she had already travelled in darkness in the past and knew how to react to every hurt, every little nuance of that colour.

That Simone was known for his sympathy could tell him as soon as he had the chance to talk to them and they knew it for up all parents of his friends.

Little detail on Elena: she had a beautiful complexion on the skin, I would say of peach blossoms, but everyone is free to imagine.

Professor after Professor was a bitter pill to swallow for that woman that perhaps she could beat her son for good. But she didn't, she knew the punishment she'd given by just repeating the year.

In Elena's eyes you could tell he was looking for help, comfort, but if only he knew I was there by his side to give him strength maybe I could prolong the colour and that spirit, instead, exit floor, she changed her expression and complexion like switching between autumn and winter when the leaves fall to the ground.

Simone knew the situation, tried to play down but failed in his effort and inwardly he was happy because he just had to be patient and his mother would return as the sun had always been.

Sometimes the weather can destroy, it can throw you into a limbo where there is no more return, but it wasn't in the case of Elena.

Months went by and that 2009 for Simone was perhaps to forget, to be closed in a drawer. He arrived in February, a month as all but the coldest, and did not begin to better knowing having to retrieve several subjects to hope at least to spend the school year.

But after a final period of his life, very twisted Simone you fancy a girl and I was still there to spy on him. I could really see him with those brown hair, bright smile framed by an appliance, slender physique and delicate face.

After a period of acquaintance came that Saturday, February 13, the day he had to leave. He was the first to arrive and he wanted to see the sea, his smell, the sound of the waves and feel ready to plead. But it is known that in the streets can be holes where you stumble and only then you understand that it is better to walk in the opposite direction.

Simone from afar saw that two girls are coming: on the right there was a chick like the Hunchback of Notre Dame and on the left a Smurf style girl with braces gleaming.

You know how girls are made: never go to the bathroom alone let alone when they have to go out with someone unknown.

"I'm Simone", the boy presented to the unknown girls.

"You are ...", the protagonist of that fight started talking.

" If you allow we've got a mouth to speak , little whore” the Hunchback of Notre Dame took the word.

They smiled in unison.

Then she continue. "Pleasure I am Giovanna".

And then it fell to nana. "Pleasure I'm Emily," she said with a big smile showing her dental appliance.

The afternoon passed between a chat and a stroll, they teased each other and don't stop to call themselves "Hooker."

Simone a bit felt uncomfortable when the two began to insult, to him it was something completely new. The advantage was that it was the only boy and before his eyes there was all that God and didn't want to miss an opportunity, especially now that there was his friend Gonzalo, who often stole women of others.

The adrenaline came out in body and he heart made a strange noise like the change of a Vespa 80 years with its "pum pum": he had no eyes for that.

But just at that moment Giovanna said: "My father is already in the station. I gotta go! ". The world was spinning much faster than normal in Simone's head and out of nowhere managed to perceive that a person was talking about but it felt far away despite being just a few steps from him, was Giovanna.

"Simone sorry, where are you?", she asked him impudently.

"I live in Montesilvano Colle", he answered not understanding well what could get you know. "Then to come home do you catch the bus?", Jeanne took a guess.

"Yes, the 38," he exclaimed .

"Perfect. EMI, you can go with him, " Giovanna said.

The girls greeted them. Simone and Emily took the road that was to lead them to their bus stop. Boarded Simone did not hide the disappointment of not having taken the first step with the Smurf but now before his eyes had that sad and he didn't want to be seen.

They spoke in general, but in his heart, Simone had hidden bad bigger than him and he was unable to hide it much longer. Emily understood that.

Behold, the demand for a small unknown that I never expected, "are you the son of separated parents?".

That question blaring in the mind of Simone who couldn't do anything but sit there and enjoy the bitter pill, expect him to do effect then explode again to say "Yes, I am."

Simone didn't want to try to make it or compassion, sought only a wing where you can cry or simply blow off steam. Had a heavy burden on his soul and wondered how this unknown, after just thirty minutes, he didn't realize that he was in a very delicate point in her life.

That little voice that for all that time had bewitched Simone, for one last time said, "I have to get off here. Look, if you want to feel on MSN. OK? ".

"Of course, I would. Would you give me your nickname? " Simone asked almost embarrassed .

"emi95@hotmail.it"

"Thanks, see you later," the boy smiled as he watched her get off the bus.

Meanwhile the head of Simone the world formerly stormy now sailed in the quiet. All the time he could not help but think of that unknown, about how it was enough just to enter his soul.

Simone was changing road and this time was deciding him. But when trying to change the course of things, and it never mature to understand when to stop, that fate will bring the account for their actions. In the end he always wins.

What can I say, Simone was finally knowing a girl. Yes a year smaller but felt pleasure in seeing that more days passed and more things turned in the best possible way for both.

It wasn't enough that a dingy but helpful chat, their shared more, even that same school, just what Simone gave satisfaction. Those four walls now playing for him.

Too weird was that 2010 was going too well, the school improved and he, while he was in the prime of his adolescence, he enjoyed but above all he was knowing Emily who gave a lot of attention.

That nice to thank fate sometimes, because there are people who can change a whole life, they're there in the hardest moments. And the little Simone had already had so many bad times in his family, but he still had to swallow the bitter when he became aware of his grandfather's disease.

The deepest sorrow was seeing that family hanging on the thread of life but especially watching his grandfather bend to evil, "him" that resembled a little Elvis Presley for Simone, the way he wore his hair and care, the person carrying the family on the heart with pride and did nothing but argue with his wife : they were completely different in everything.

Hard-working, passionate about markets. He was a collection of foreign coins, had the cure to check which country came to then put it in his book.

Wasn't much to bed, woke up early. If it happened at four in the morning was already working to then go home at night and yet never missed the moment to try to do something.

Discussions with the wife were on the daily diary, they were discussing about everything but in the end, after a "screw you, things were returning to normal. He was a very passionate in his say agriculture, staying in the city.

Simone, will perhaps also for the fact of age, understood as late as spending nice days with his grandfather was important to appreciate the beauty and the soul of that person. Those two souls had the opportunity to speak for the last time on a background created by the very high. Felt like a painting by Monet: the sun rising behind the mountains, there was happiness in the sky, yellow, orange, birds chirping happily their cream sat on the bench outside, on her balcony.

No philosophical discourse. Simply he said, "Simone, I need to find the button to operate the air conditioning in my car. Read the booklet ".

"OK grandpa, let me help! But after we go to try. "the boy answered promptly.

Simone looked long and said with air as a child "of course but now let's hurry! We must find the button on the booklet before grandma back from church. We make a joke! "

How he longed to Simone who that day would never end! With that day then everything seemed perfect.

Eventually the coveted button had been found. Simone's eyes twinkled simply because the joke could now be implemented.

The two went down in the parking lot, they boarded the car and tried if the button really worked as the booklet. Everything was in its place, the grandfather was happy and now he planned to put the air conditioning so that, when they brought home Simone that evening, the plan would be accomplished.

The bells rang: the mass was over. By rite grandma on her feet at home and on the way in the meantime gossip as much as he could. Was so surprised to see grandpa parked in the central square waiting for her. Mounted drive quizzically and greeted lovingly Simone while they left again to bring him home.

At that very moment, while they chatted, the grandfather asked his grandmother to turn on the air conditioning. Simone laughed, he had witnessed the ingenuity of his grandfather. The finger approached slowly and Simone tingled the urge to start one colossal laugh. Here we go! grandma pressed and that hair so well ordered ended up while doing it all in one shot. Of course, as he imagined his grandfather, set off a nice "fuck you", Simone could not help laughing and he realized suddenly that the way home that day had become too short. Got out of the car, gave a wink accomplice to grandpa and grandma greeted him with a kiss.

That picture is now hanging in the memories of Simone. Now the road to the grandfather went out hard, fate had decided that its time to walk was finished.

Now I had to think only of being outdoors, maybe on that same bench, with the same sky. This don't know exactly but Simone still tells a story that comes from the sky and into the dream world make of cooked and raw vegetables. I guarantee, now is really happy. He smiles again. As everyone knows, we are bound to be called to go back to basics and fate could not choose best day to knock and enter without asking permission.

The Church was full, rejoiced at the resurrection of Christ and one of those benches had sat the family of Simone.

Alongside Sebastiano was there, his grandfather, who, in addition to attend mass, a chat with his nephew the traded again. They talked about cars, to be precise in his car, and it was there that Sebastiano had the last chance to talk with his grandfather, had him debating just something that could unify the two.

For lunch they moved all home of brother of Elena. The warm atmosphere, the good food and the joy to be in the family favoured the happiness. But in the end, when he was about to pass through the entrance gate, something in him to a halt. His way broke off and, you know, when the road ends, there is no turning back. No one has this power, we can only be satisfied with making a leap of faith.

He jumped, the others were hoping you didn't. But you can't beat a something stronger than you, eventually you succumb to his feet.

They were all there, hopeful. Even Elena naturally was, she noted a drastic change: that beautiful complexion was dying along with his father, day after day. The pain was just born and over time it would be fed to all that life would give her negatively.

In the end the terrible news came: brain cancer. Was an earthquake that uprooted all and Simone realized at that time that, in his heart, his beloved grandfather died the same day. Unfortunately the disease had rendered what nobody expected. Unconsciously my grandfather was went back in time and in the years before jumping into the void. The cures were premature but at least they avoided a death too vain. The small one day he came to look after his grandfather. There were just the two of them and for Simone came to think while they were out on his balcony, which was how to look after a mischievous child. Simone was very afraid because he did not know how to do but this helped him more than expected in his growth phase. The days were getting heavier, the months pushy and every moment was the good one for farewell. And here the year was passing, out there was the night and the phone started to ring.

"Hallo?" replied Simone to that phone that didn't want to stop playing.

"Run!" The grandfather is sick, run! " the grandmother cried on the other end of the phone. J

Immediately Simone said to his mother the words of his grandmother and in a huff they ran up from the house. The young man saw a lot of movement and especially the surge of the grandfather who suddenly slumped in bed, panicking, looking for a doctor.

In the night he was taken to the hospital, where he improved but the doctor warned that it was all a matter of hours. Simone was at school and as usual he was doing his usual jokes, maybe even a little for himself not to get too down. Here's the phone vibrated on the table.

Mom, new message.

Simone opened the message and hoped. In vain.

THE GRANDFATHER DIED.

The time stopped for an instant in Simone and the memories of a lifetime spent as a time lapse in his mind.

Later then he became aware of a finale to tell in every books: while his wife was going to home and rest, he gave her a final farewell with a beautiful smile. He did the same thing for his brother, gone a moment before to get something to eat. On his return he found him without a soul. But he was happy because he was smiling in the face of death.

New message: MY GRANDFATHER DIED. Send.

"Professor can I go out please?".

"Sure," the professor replied absently.

Simone opened the door.

CHAPTER II

The bad times are never alone but they occur in good company.

Simone had to live with a seed that had unknowingly, each day it was fed, until it grew to cause problems.

Let's go with order. That Simone had great relationships with the father was known since his birth. A boy sought only what a child looking from his father: be heard, get the right attention. Don't make the children just to get noticed, you do so with the intent to raise them, heal them and give them the attention deserved. Luck wanted that this stranger met unconsciously Elena, too weak and brittle for a being like that.

Simone tells me about all the nuances of this unknown called "father." He doesn't overlook all the evil and cruelty waged on Elena. In spite of everything, that peach tree bloomed every time he received the poison, there flourished and maintained its beautiful colouring. Even the peach tree grows old as all that is present in the world, but Elena had become suddenly strong, decisive, too.

Simone, with his brothers and with Giorgia, helped his mother to liberate her from that bad: they wanted to implant her wise idea, just to see her again flourish.

The time of the K.O. came in two parts.

The first came when Valerio, returning from one of his stormy evenings, saw a light in the bedroom where their parents were sleeping. Only that the mother was not there. From there came the voice of the stranger who was at the phone in version of "romantic plush". Valerio was holding a weapon, a weapon that, like all, could either destroy or improve the outcome of a war. He had a tremendous weight.

He told everything to his mother and, trust me, he did the wise thing because that stranger had remained all too in our lives. Especially in the life of Elena. Maybe she waited on that misstep, but it wasn't enough.

In the summer Valerio had been chosen another time by fate to put an end to everything. The road was too wet, the speed was not on his side and the car did the rest. That night Elena was scared to death: his son had bad view. In panic he asked for help to the unknown but he did not think twice about not caring. She turned and left flying the sharpest words of a sword: "so next time back before!" Cut down those words but, while Georgia and Simone slept without worries, Sebastiano was already there, ready to help his mother and especially his brother.

By stranger there were no explanations or meetings with the son in the days that followed. He had studied his moves, I don't deny that he was a great architect. He did anything to leave. And to think that a few months ago there was the staging of the celebration of their 25 years of marriage.

In that December, so cold even for a peach tree, there was the farewell: the stranger had abandoned the family and beyond.

Simone told me about all the nuances of what had happened and I was struck by what remained imprinted in the mind. In that strange night that much remembered, he had lost sleep, he flocked in that room, he climbed in silence on the big bed stealing away in his mother's arms while she was talking to the stranger. They chatted and at one point he found himself in the middle. He laughed always when hi s delicate little face was in contact with the man's beard so far from him. Simone remembered as Sunday was a joy and all in all in his heart the escaped of sweet words that could be heard in the distance. That stranger turned Sunday, though little, and Simone suddenly wasn't entirely a stranger: he was called dad.

It was hard, then, to Elena to continue her life. But the time was on her side and looked after her, trying to lift it, to revive her. She succeeded in part, until one day she found love again. She deserved to be happy too, after all. Evil had taken possession of her and something good had to happen.

But fate, if it agrees, is just bastard: it decided to throw Elena on the ground, it did not accept to see that woman always get up again and this time hit her hard, mercilessly.

Her health fell steeply, however was envious of the strength of this woman, attempted even to kill her and apparently was going to succeed. But it had to stay back with its mouth open in seeing her again rise from the ground.

Simone was considered a lucky guy to have a mother like that and during his growth he sought to acquire some of her skills.

It was great to see Elena! Years have passed, this is true, but she is always there, standing, and with that complexion that most likely will take until the end of her days. As much as I want to tell you about this woman's willpower, there's still a story not to be missed: happiness of Simone.

The time was propitious, the school was better at that time. Something in Simone was changing, perhaps because he was going through the most intense moment of his existence. Long hair -sometimes he had the courage to bind them-earring and he dressed in a gloomy way. He carried inside him the evil, he was still feeding after all, and then it led him outside in his manner of dress.

He spent his death mornings walking in the hallways with Leonardo and Gonzalo and at the hour of recreation they seemed a star. They had acquaintances throughout the school and it was easy to exchange a word with anyone.

Simone that morning had the pleasure to chat with Emily, not that he doesn't already. When he came back home he ate hurriedly and in fury, he turned on the pc and he checked if it was connected. They didn't speak of great things, but they were having fun.

On Tuesday, at school there was always the return and Simone with his trusty henchmen roamed the halls. In one of those Tuesday saw Emily's class and he invited her to come along with them. She agreed of course, they had some nice chats, they were seeking an approach to a friendship. Simone, despite his negativity, smiled with her and he tried not to think, darkened evil for a short time, he did not want Emily discovers something of his life.

He had to think even studying but he never did: along with his "cronies" he had become the class clown. If those three had never been there, that class would never known positive days.

Professors now surrendered before a subject like that but rightly they had to do their job, and then appeared again on Simone's report card debts. It was hard to believe that a child like Simone could pass the year: it was good to fool anyone with his eyes and his words were honey for professors. Then he surpassed all debts with little trouble but with great cunning. This was Simone, good to you to think that all he had done was right but it really was a total rip off.

The year arrived in which in class some professors changed: one came from the North. Here you have to wonder: "How could she not end up in the cross-hairs of Simone?". Obvious she had to go there! He imitated everything of her: from the voice to the gestures, the mimicry was similar, not sparing anyone.

A few weeks later, one morning the bell rang and it was the time of art history, the north professor time: the class had to reach the courtroom 25 and wait for one before leaving the courtroom. Arrived in class Simone began before together with inseparable Gonzalo. And then there was Lucia in the middle, between the boys, because both did not take ever the book. Behind them, tanned more than it should to be in march, there was Cecilia who had just had a very eventful cruise. The teacher arrived, put her bag, took the call and she began with the explanation. At a standstill of the explanation Simone raised his finger and said, "Prof, do you heard television these days?"

"No," the professor replied dry not understanding where Simone wants to go there.

"Then I tell you there where she, in the remote North, the digital terrestrial has just arrived. I if I were you I would buy a set-top box! ", Simone informed her with innocent air.

Lucia and Gonzalo couldn't help but laugh at this exit off a Bernini and Borromini and the prof could not fail to miss a smile despite her size from icy and mighty warrior.

In the years that followed, though the latter had become more hard and cold towards us and Simone did not understand why, maybe he was never used to always get a smile and was still a baby inside him.

That day there was a discovery, if we may so call it: Gonzalo liked to anyone even if he doesn't was George Clooney – but they liked him . In the course of his growth, Simone had views of cooked and raw and he has seen many girls in the arms of his friend who perhaps wanted him too. In his class there was one that did not hide the feeling for Gonzalo: she was Lucia. Everyone thought that Gonzalo exploited Lucia for anything and even then the time gave reason to the voices: the facts were immediately proven.

It was now late in the day and Lucia and Sandra, her great ally but always great enemies, went out to go to the bathroom. That time Lucia absent-mindedly forgot in the class her cellphone and there was in the character of Simone and Gonzalo meddling more and everything. So they took the phone and it was easy to penetrate in the phone memory. Instead of reading the classics messages, their prey this time was to find out if between the pictures there were some shots a little hot. Right there, at the bottom, there was a folder called "Gonzalo". At that exact moment the two looked stunned and then they pressed by the curiosity: there were all pictures taken from internet, from the site of Gonzalo. He stayed a little on his thinking about how there were people actually they got this far, to take photos to be stored in their phones. But you could see in his eyes that he liked. This was the biggest mistake of Gonzalo: using his beauty to bribe people. But for him the fate was about to make him a surprise sweet-sour flavour and learned not to exploit them more, not to leave them in the middle of the road but to love them and then to know the pain of being dropped in the middle.