Buch lesen: «The Cowboy's Faith»

Chapter One

The foolish woman was going to get herself killed.

Fernando Montoya parked his truck and jumped out, then ran to the arena where Nicole Bell was working a bay mare. Clearly green, the mare looked terrified. Like she had no idea what was happening to her. Based on Nicole’s jerky movements, Fernando had to agree with the mare. Nicole seemed to be clueless as to what she was doing.

As he got closer, he slowed his pace, knowing that his panic would scare the horse even more. He forced himself to calm his breathing as he drew near.

“Hi, Nicole.”

He spoke quietly, softly, but Nicole spun as if he’d shouted.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

He’d just wanted to make sure Nicole was okay.

Columbine Springs was barely twenty minutes out of his way—a short stopover on his way from Denver to southern Colorado to a new job with his uncle’s construction company. It would be another two hours to his destination, but it was worth it to take the detour. The tiny ranching town with its fertile grassland surrounded by mountains had little to recommend it, other than a faded-out sign for an ice-cream place that promised the best cones in the Rockies. No reason to stop, other than the fact that this run-down ranch just off the highway was where Nicole and her two sisters now lived.

He wouldn’t stay long, just long enough to reassure himself that Nicole’s excuses of being too busy with her new ranch to talk were true.

After all, he had a new life of his own to get to. At least that’s what he kept telling himself. The job was menial work, something a trained monkey could do, but it was all that was available to him, thanks to the inexperience of his youth.

One felony conviction. That’s all anyone saw on his employment applications, even though he’d done his time, was a hard worker and hadn’t been in any trouble in the four years since he’d gotten out. No one wanted to know the circumstances of his crime or that he was truly sorry for his mistake.

He’d give anything to right the wrongs of his past, but he couldn’t, so all he wanted to do now was find a way to build a future for himself, even if it wasn’t the future he’d planned.

Not that he could share that with Nicole. His employment woes weren’t something he shared with anyone, least of all the reasons for them.

“I was on my way to just south of Salida, where my uncle lives. Thought I’d stop by to see how you were doing. I heard you and your sisters inherited a ranch from a long-lost relative or something like that.”

Though he’d once been told Nicole’s eyes were hazel, they looked almost green with the anger flashing in them. She brushed her dark hair out of her face—it was falling out of its ponytail, and, judging from the sweat dampening the edges of her hairline, she’d been at this for a while. Though it was only May, the sun was hot, and the work hard.

“That’s right,” she said. “I’ve always wanted to get out of the city, have a few animals, live the good life.”

The tension in her voice told him her current life was anything but good. And, in the few terse conversations they’d had over the past year or so, he’d been wondering how she was really doing. Nicole hadn’t been the same since his sister, Adriana, and Nicole’s fiancé, Brandon, had run off together, leaving Nicole at the altar and dying in a car accident in the process. Nicole might say everything was fine, but she was clearly struggling.

Even in this momentary interaction, despite her anger, he knew he’d been right to stop by. Only someone with a death wish would work such a green horse in this manner. Her absolute stupidity in how she was handling the horse made him think something deeper was going on, because Nicole wasn’t stupid.

“I was worried about you,” Fernando said. “And, it seems, rightly so. That horse is dangerous, and you’ll get both of you hurt, if not killed.”

She stared at him like he was as crazy as he thought she was. “I saw this on a horse training video. It’s exactly what the trainer did.”

Similar, but not exact. He knew the training she spoke of. Had watched the same video series. “You’re holding the rope wrong. Angle the horse outside your space, rather than letting her push you around. Turn your body the other way.”

She did as he asked, and immediately the horse started to respond. Not perfectly, because the mare had already been taught bad habits, but at least Nicole was in the right position to correct her.

The horse invaded Nicole’s space and tried nipping at her, but Nicole stepped away in time.

“No,” Fernando said. “She just completely disrespected you. You never want the horse to think she’s in control. It’s also a bad sign that her response to you is to bite. You’ve got to break that habit.”

He entered the arena and took the rope. “Here. Let me show you.”

Nicole gave him control of the horse, frustration in her eyes. He went through the same exercise Nicole had been trying, establishing rapport with the horse, but not by letting the mare walk all over him.

She was a spirited one, and someone like Nicole, who had never been around horses as far as he knew, was ill suited to take care of this horse, let alone train her.

“Why are you here?” The look of loathing she gave him almost made him want to turn and run.

But he’d seen the expression before. He deserved it. After all, he’d known about Adriana’s involvement with Brandon. He’d warned Adriana against dating her best friend’s fiancé and told her she was playing with fire. Adriana had told him to mind his own business, and that she knew what she was doing.

He’d seen Nicole nearly a dozen times since finding out about Adriana and Brandon, and yet, every time he opened his mouth to try to tell her what was going on behind her back, he found the words didn’t come. He’d spent too many years fearing punishment for opening his mouth about other people’s business.

Sometimes he woke up in the middle of the night, asking himself why he hadn’t done more. He’d already shamed his family so much, first by going to prison, and now this. If he had only said something, maybe Adriana and Brandon would at least still be alive.

He couldn’t change the past, but maybe he could do something about the future. The job his uncle wanted him on wasn’t going to start for another month. But Fernando’s apartment lease was up, so he’d figured he’d head to his uncle’s early and get the lay of the land.

But he could use that time to do some good instead.

“Let me work with your horse,” he said, ignoring her question. “I can do it. You’ve already seen the results.”

Her sister Leah approached. “I agree. Shane thinks you’ve taken on too much with this horse. With the extra cattle we have this year, he doesn’t have the kind of time he needs to put into training her.”

Nicole gave an exasperated sound. “Ever since you and Shane got together, it’s always Shane this, Shane that. I thought we all agreed we didn’t need some man to rescue us. And I certainly don’t need this one.”

Her words sounded full of pain, and it made him feel worse, knowing that because of Brandon, and because of Fernando’s role in the situation, she directed her anger at all men.

But this wasn’t about him, or men, but about a horse who needed his help. “I was wrong in not telling you about Adriana and Brandon sooner, but surely you can put our personal differences aside and allow me to help you with this horse.”

Nicole glared at him. “It’s not just about that. I mean, it is. It seems like everybody thought they knew what was best for me but never once asked my opinion. Just like now. I’ve told you that I don’t want you in my life. But here you are, insisting on helping me. Can’t anyone respect the decisions I make for myself?”

He hadn’t thought of it that way. But how could he explain his genuine concern? That even though she pretended she was fine, and told everyone she was, he could see the pain in her eyes, hear it in her voice.

“I’m truly sorry for disrespecting your wishes. But you saw how the horse responded to me. I appreciate your passion for animals and that you want to work with them, so let me teach you what I know. You’ve got a great foundation by watching the videos and reading the books, but nothing can replace the real-life experience of handling a horse with someone who’s been trained to do so and learning from that expertise.”

She hesitated, then took a step forward. “Do you really think you can help me? How can I be sure you know what you’re doing? The horse’s response could have just been coincidence.”

Her voice faltered as she spoke, and he knew she wasn’t so much telling him as herself. She wanted his help, but she also wasn’t ready to admit it.

“At least give me the opportunity to try. I can talk with this Shane person and let him evaluate me.” He looked over at Leah. “From what you say, he knows about horses.”

Leah smiled at him. “Yes. Shane Jackson is my fiancé and owns the ranch next door. We rely on him for his ranching expertise. He was good friends with Helen, our ex-stepmother, who left my sisters and me the ranch when she died.”

Nicole groaned, and Leah turned to glare at her. “What’s your problem? Shane was just saying that unless you got Snookie’s tantrums under control and she stopped biting, you’ll have to get rid of her. It’s not safe to have her here with the boys. He’s the horse expert, so I fully trust his judgment where Snookie is concerned.”

Fernando remembered Leah’s two little boys, Dylan and Ryan, from Nicole’s rehearsal dinner. Cute little fellows, and though saying so would rile up Nicole further, Leah was right. The mare’s jerky movements made her too unpredictable to be around small children. He’d already seen her try to bite Nicole. A horse like that was dangerous.

“He doesn’t need to be in on our personal business,” Nicole muttered.

He knew way more personal things about Nicole than Nicole probably wanted him to know—or thought he knew. The matter of their living circumstances paled in comparison.

But he didn’t think saying so would endear him to Nicole. The mare jerked at the rope, and had it been Nicole holding her, she’d have gotten away. Nicole’s technique was too loose, and she seemed ill prepared to handle these outbursts. As it was, Fernando was going to have some killer rope burns on his hands.

He tied the horse up at the fence, then turned his attention back to Nicole.

“I don’t need to be acquainted with your personal business to know this horse needs help,” Fernando said. “I know you’ve always wanted a horse and that letting this one go would break your heart. But I agree with Shane. It’s not safe to have a horse like this around your nephews unless she gets some intensive training.”

Leah murmured something under her breath and nodded.

He’d always thought Nicole’s eldest sister was also smart, so maybe she would talk some sense into Nicole.

And maybe it was overstepping to think so, but he wasn’t sure this beautiful, fragile woman who acted so tough could stand to have her heart broken again.

* * *

Nicole fought tears at his words. But she wasn’t going to let Fernando—or anyone else—see her cry. Part of her wanted to scream at him and shake him for being such a thick-headed dolt. So he knew that giving up this horse would break her heart? And he wanted to help? Where was that help when her best friend was messing around with her fiancé?

Okay, fine. She got it. Fernando had called her time and again, begging for forgiveness and for the chance to make it up to her. So here it was. His chance to make things right.

But why did helping her horse have to be the means of fixing his guilt? What about her pain? Fernando got absolution, and she was still left alone, minus a best friend and the man she’d thought she was going to spend the rest of her life with.

People liked to say that she was better off, and she didn’t disagree. But the problem with such deep betrayal was that now she no longer knew who to trust. It wasn’t like when you became friends with someone new, they would answer the question “Are you a man-stealing backstabber?” honestly.

The only people Nicole could trust were her two sisters, Erin and Leah, and, she supposed, since Leah had fallen in love with him despite her painful past, Shane.

Which left the animals. They didn’t lie to you, steal your fiancé, sneak behind your back or keep the kind of secrets that would break your heart.

She walked over to Snookie and gave her a pat. How was she supposed to give up on this horse, a sweet mare who just needed someone to love her? True, she did have her tantrums and liked to bite. She’d broken out of her stall more times than Nicole could count. And she’d even bitten one of the boys. That was the reason Shane had told her to get rid of Snookie.

But Nicole couldn’t bear it. Something inside her said that she and Snookie belonged together, and even though everyone told her she was crazy, she could feel Snookie speaking to her the day she got her.

She needed Snookie, and Snookie needed her.

Fernando came over and took her hand, placing it on Snookie’s flank. “Give her a firm rubbing here. It will help her feel more secure. She senses your emotions, and she needs to perceive that you’re not upset with her.”

The simple change of motion brought a shift to Snookie’s posture, relaxing her.

“I’m sorry for upsetting you,” Fernando said. “I know you don’t believe me, but I’ve only ever wished the best for you.”

Nicole stared at her feet. “I wish I could believe that, but I don’t know how to believe anyone anymore.”

“I understand,” he said softly. “Maybe it’s too much to ask you to have a little faith, but would you at least give me the chance to prove it to you? I can help your horse.”

He already had, getting Snookie to respond better in just a few short interactions than she had with weeks of training. But why did it have to be him?

Just this morning she’d been praying, asking God to help her find a way to keep Snookie. She’d even gone so far as to call some of the local boarding facilities, to see if they had space for her. But word had already gotten out about her misbehaving horse, and no one wanted to take a chance on having her there, disrupting their space.

Was God’s answer to her prayer really the person she despised the most in this world?

Fernando had gone around to the other side of Snookie and was touching her in swift, firm motions, like what she’d seen on some of the horse training videos.

“I’ve already done that with her,” Nicole said.

Fernando continued the motions, not looking at her as he said, “Not enough. You can’t rush or skip any of the steps in training a horse. It’s easy to think a horse is ready, but you must exercise patience to look for signs that will tell you when they really are.”

She’d heard one of the trainers on one of the videos say something similar, but he’d only spent fifteen minutes on this part of the training.

As Fernando continued with the exercise, his hands brushed her again, and she jumped back at the unexpected jolt.

“I’ll just get out of your way,” she said.

Fernando’s dark brown eyes were all too human in the emotions she thought she spied. She walked slowly backward to the fence, not liking the idea that Fernando was anyone other than the person she’d been vilifying over the past year.

But she couldn’t help looking. Seeing the dark hair with waves that would probably be similar to the gentle curls Adriana used to hate for being too unruly to do much with put a pang in her heart over the loss of her friend. It was hard not to notice how much Fernando resembled Adriana.

It was even harder noticing how he didn’t. Like the softness and gentleness in his face, and the tenderness with which he spoke to Snookie. And to Nicole.

Adriana used to say that he was the best big brother in the whole wide world and that she didn’t know how she could ever live without him. Watching Fernando now, Nicole couldn’t help remembering all the reasons she’d loved Adriana, and it made her heart hurt to allow that crack in the walls she’d kept around herself to numb the pain.

Because that’s what no one understood. Nicole had gone from one day believing that she was marrying an amazing man, and that she couldn’t imagine having a better best friend than Adriana, to realizing that they’d both betrayed her in the worst possible way. She’d lost so much and had no idea why.

“He’s amazing, isn’t he?” Leah said, nudging Nicole. “He’s like that guy Shane took us to see, only better.”

“I’m sure we can’t afford him. We couldn’t afford the other guy,” Nicole said.

“Maybe he’ll give us a friend discount.” Leah’s voice sounded hopeful, and it hurt to realize that her sister didn’t understand the problem.

“We’re not friends,” Nicole said.

Leah sighed. “It’s not good for you to keep holding a grudge. I get it. What his sister did was terrible, and yes, it was awful of him to not tell you. But anyone can see how bad he feels, and maybe, rather than taking your grief out on him, the two of you could grieve together?”

Nicole spun to face her sister. “What are you saying?”

“Did you ever think that he’s lost someone, too? That he’s also hurting? You keep making this all about you, but maybe if you let someone else in, you’d realize that you’re not alone.”

The tenderness in Leah’s eyes made it impossible for Nicole to be angry with her. But it didn’t mean Leah was right. Yes, Leah knew what it was like to suffer tragedy, and she knew what it was like to lose someone she loved. But Nicole’s pain was different, and to suggest that Fernando would share it was absolutely ridiculous.

Leah reached out and touched Nicole’s shoulder gently. “I’m sorry if I’m pushing too hard, but even if you can’t accept that Fernando might need you just as much as you need him, you can’t deny that he’s doing wonders with your horse.”

Nicole turned around to watch Fernando work with the horse, and as she leaned against the rails, from the other side of the fence, Leah put her arm around Nicole.

Leah didn’t have to say anything, and even though Nicole was still technically mad at her sister, she knew Leah loved her. And as she relaxed into her sister’s embrace, Nicole realized that she couldn’t fight the situation anymore.

Nicole loved Snookie and desperately wanted to keep her horse. But she knew Shane was right. Snookie was a danger to her nephews. Fernando’s interaction with Snookie told her that he was probably her last hope in being able to keep the horse.

If God wanted to answer her prayers with the person who reminded her most of her heartbreak, then fine. Let Him. She’d accept Fernando’s help with Snookie, but there was no way she’d give him access to her heart.