SCENE V
A Room in Olivia's House.
Enter Clown and Maria.
Mar. Nay, either tell me where thou hast been, or I will not open my lips, so wide as a bristle may enter, in way of thy excuse: my lady will hang thee for thy absence.
Clo. Let her hang me: he, that is well hang'd in this world, needs to fear no colours.
Mar. Make that good.
Clo. He shall see none to fear.
Mar. A good lenten answer: Yet you will be hang'd, for being so long absent; or, to be turn'd away; is not that as good as a hanging to you?
Clo. Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage; and, for turning away, let summer bear it out.
Mar. Here comes my lady; make your excuse wisely, you were best.
[Exit Maria.
Clo. Wit, and't be thy will, put me into good fooling! Those wits, that think they have thee, do very oft prove fools; and I, that am sure I lack thee, may pass for a wise man: For what says Quinapalus? Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit.
Enter Olivia, Malvolio, and two Servants.
Bless thee, lady!
Oli. Take the fool away.
Clo. Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the lady.
Oli. Go to, you're a dry fool: I'll no more of you; besides, you grow dishonest.
Clo. Two faults, madonna, that drink and good counsel will amend; for, give the dry fool drink, then is the fool not dry; bid the dishonest man mend himself; if he mend, he is no longer dishonest; if he cannot, let the botcher mend him. – The lady bade take away the fool; therefore, I say again, take her away.
Oli. Sir, I bade them take away you.
Clo. Misprision in the highest degree! – Lady, Cucullus non facit monachum; that's as much as to say, I wear not motley in my brain. Good madonna, give me leave to prove you a fool.
Oli. Can you do it?
Clo. Dexterously, good madonna.
Oli. Make your proof.
Clo. I must catechize you for it, madonna: Good my mouse of virtue, answer me.
Oli. Well, sir, for want of other idleness, I'll 'bide your proof.
Clo. Good madonna, why mourn'st thou?
Oli. Good fool, for my brother's death.
Clo. I think, his soul is in hell, madonna.
Oli. I know, his soul is in heaven, fool.
Clo. The more fool you, madonna, to mourn for your brother's soul being in heaven. – Take away the fool, gentlemen.
Oli. What think you of this fool, Malvolio? doth he not mend?
Mal. Yes; and shall do, till the pangs of death shake him: Infirmity, that decays the wise, doth ever make the better fool.
Clo. Heaven send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for the better increasing your folly! Sir Toby will be sworn, that I am no fox; but he will not pass his word for two-pence that you are no fool.
Oli. How say you to that, Malvolio?
Mal. I marvel your ladyship takes delight in such a barren rascal; I saw him put down the other day with an ordinary fool, that has no more brain than a stone. – Look you now, he's out of his guard already: unless you laugh and minister occasion to him, he is gagg'd. – I protest, I take these wise men, that crow so at these set kind of fools, no better than the fools' zanies.
Oli. O, you are sick of self-love, Malvolio, and taste with a distemper'd appetite. To be generous, guiltless, and of free disposition, is to take those things for bird-bolts, that you deem cannon-bullets: There is no slander in an allow'd fool, though he do nothing but rail; nor no railing in a known discreet man, though he do nothing but reprove.
Clo. Now Mercury endue thee with leasing, for thou speak'st well of fools!
Enter Maria.
Mar. Madam, there is at the gate a young gentleman, much desires to speak with you.
Oli. From the Duke Orsino, is it?
Mar. I know not, madam.
Oli. Who of my people hold him in delay?
Mar. Sir Toby, madam, your kinsman.
Oli. Fetch him off, I pray you; he speaks nothing but madman: Fye on him!
[Exit Maria.
Go you, Malvolio: – if it be a suit from the duke, I am sick, or not at home; what you will, to dismiss it.
[Exeunt Malvolio, and two Servants.
Now you see, sir, how your fooling grows old, and people dislike it.
Clo. Thou hast spoke for us, madonna, as if thy eldest son should be a fool.
Sir To. [Without.] Where is she? where is she?
Clo. Whose skull Jove cram with brains! – for here he comes, one of thy kin, has a most weak pia mater.
Enter Sir Toby.
Oli. By mine honour, half drunk. – What is he at the gate, uncle?
Sir To. A gentleman.
Oli. A gentleman? What gentleman?
Sir To. 'Tis a gentleman here, – How now, sot?
Clo. Good Sir Toby, —
Oli. Uncle, uncle, how have you come so early by this lethargy?
Sir To. Lechery! I defy lechery. – There's one at the gate.
Oli. Ay, marry; what is he?
Sir To. Let him be the devil, an he will, I care not: give me faith, say I. Well, it's all one. – A plague o' these pickle-herrings.
[Exit Sir Toby.
Oli. What's a drunken man like, fool?
Clo. Like a drown'd man, a fool, and a madman; one draught above heat makes him a fool; the second mads him; and a third drowns him.
Oli. Go thou and seek the coroner, and let him sit o' my uncle; for he's in the third degree of drink, he's drown'd: go, look after him.
Clo. He is but mad yet, madonna; and the fool shall look to the madman.
[Exit Clown.
Enter Malvolio.
Mal. Madam, yond young fellow swears he will speak with you. I told him you were sick; he takes on him to understand so much, and therefore comes to speak with you: I told him you were asleep; he seems to have a fore-knowledge of that too, and therefore comes to speak with you. What is to be said to him, lady? he's fortified against any denial.
Oli. Tell him, he shall not speak with me.
Mal. He has been told so; and, he says, he'll stand at your door like a sheriff's post, and be the supporter of a bench, but he'll speak with you.
Oli. What kind of man is he?
Mal. Why, of man-kind.
Oli. What manner of man?
Mal. Of very ill manner; he'll speak with you, will you, or no.
Oli. Of what personage, and years, is he?
Mal. Not yet old enough for a man, nor young enough for a boy; as a squash is before 'tis a peascod, or a coddling when 'tis almost an apple: 'tis with him e'en standing water, between boy and man. He is very well-favour'd, and he speaks very shrewishly; one would think, his mother's milk were scarce out of him.
Oli. Let him approach: Call in my gentlewoman.
Mal. Gentlewoman, my lady calls.
[Exit Malvolio.
Enter Maria.
Oli. Give me my veil.
[Exit. Maria.
What means his message to me?
I have denied his access o'er and o'er:
Then what means this?
Enter Maria, with a Veil.
Come, throw it o'er my face;
We'll once more hear Orsino's embassy.
Enter Viola.
Vio. The honourable lady of the house, which is she?
Oli. Speak to me, I shall answer for her: – Your will?
Vio. Most radiant, exquisite, and unmatchable beauty, – I pray you, tell me, if this be the lady of the house, for I never saw her: I would be loth to cast away my speech; for, besides that it is excellently well penn'd, I have taken great pains to con it.
Oli. Whence came you, sir?
Vio. I can say little more than I have studied, and that question's out of my part. – Good gentle one, give me modest assurance, if you be the lady of the house.
Oli. If I do not usurp myself, I am.
Vio. Most certain, if you are she, you do usurp yourself; for what is yours to bestow, is not yours to reserve.
Oli. I heard you were saucy at my gates; and allow'd your approach, rather to wonder at you than to hear you. If you be not mad, be gone; if you have reason, be brief: 'tis not that time of moon with me, to make one in so skipping a dialogue. – What are you? what would you?
Vio. What I am, and what I would, are to your ears, divinity; to any other's, profanation.
Oli. Give us the place alone: we will hear this divinity.
[Exit Maria.
Now, sir, what is your text?
Vio. Most sweet lady, —
Oli. A comfortable doctrine, and much may be said of it. Where lies your text?
Vio. In Orsino's bosom.
Oli. In his bosom? In what chapter of his bosom?
Vio. To answer by the method, in the first of his heart.
Oli. O, I have read it; it is heresy. Have you no more to say?
Vio. Good madam, let me see your face.
Oli. Have you any commission from your lord to negociate with my face? You are now out of your text: but we will draw the curtain, and show you the picture. Look you, sir, such a one as I, does this present.
[Unveiling.
Vio. 'Tis beauty truly blent, whose red and white
Nature's own sweet and cunning hand laid on:
Lady, you are the cruel'st she alive,
If you will lead these graces to the grave,
And leave the world no copy.
Oli. O, sir, I will not be so hard-hearted.
Vio. My lord and master loves you; O, such love
Could be but recompensed, though you were crown'd
The nonpareil of beauty!
Oli. How does he love me?
Vio. With adorations, with fertile tears,
With groans that thunder love, with sighs of fire.
Oli. Your lord does know my mind, I cannot love him:
He might have took his answer long ago.
Vio. If I did love you in my master's flame,
With such a suffering, such a deadly life,
In your denial I would find no sense,
I would not understand it.
Oli. Why, what would you?
Vio. Make me a willow cabin at your gate,
And call upon my soul within the house;
Write loyal cantons of contemned love,
And sing them loud even in the dead of night;
Holla your name to the reverberate hills,
And make the babbling gossip of the air
Cry out, Olivia! O, you should not rest
Between the elements of air and earth,
But you should pity me.
Oli. You might do much: – What is your parentage?
Vio. Above my fortunes, yet my state is well:
I am a gentleman.
Oli. Get you to your lord;
I cannot love him: let him send no more;
Unless, perchance, you come to me again,
To tell me how he takes it. Fare you well:
I thank you for your pains: – Spend this for me.
Vio. I am no fee'd post, lady; keep your purse;
My master, not myself, lacks recompense.
Love make his heart of flint, that you shall love;
And let your fervour, like my master's, be
Placed in contempt! Farewell, fair cruelty.
[Exit Viola.
Oli. What is your parentage?
Above my fortunes, yet my state is well:
I am a gentleman.– I'll be sworn thou art;
Thy tongue, thy face, thy limbs, actions, and spirit,
Do give thee five-fold blazon: – Not too fast: – soft! soft!
Unless the master were the man. – How now?
Even so quickly may one catch the plague?
Methinks, I feel this youth's perfections,
With an invisible and subtle stealth,
To creep in at mine eyes. Well, let it be. —
What ho, Malvolio! —
Enter Malvolio.
Mal. Here, madam, at your service.
Oli. Run after that same peevish messenger,
Orsino's man: he left this ring behind him,
Would I, or not; tell him, I'll none of it.
Desire him not to flatter with his lord,
Nor hold him up with hopes; I am not for him:
If that the youth will come this way to-morrow,
I'll give him reasons for't. Hie thee, Malvolio.
Mal. Madam, I will.
[Exit Malvolio.
Oli. I do I know not what; and fear to find
Mine eye too great a flatterer for my mind.
Fate, show thy force: Ourselves we do not owe;
What is decreed, must be; and be this so!
[Exit.
SCENE VI
A Street before Olivia's House.
Enter Viola, and Malvolio following.
Mal. Sir, sir, – young gentleman: Were not you even now with the Countess Olivia?
Vio. Even now, sir.
Mal. She returns this ring to you, sir; you might have saved me my pains, to have taken it away yourself. She adds moreover, that you should put your lord into a desperate assurance she will none of him: And one thing more; that you be never so hardy to come again in his affairs, unless it be to report your lord's taking of this. Receive it so.
Vio. She took the ring of me! – I'll none of it.
Mal. Come, sir, you peevishly threw it to her; and her will is, it should be so returned. – [Throws the ring on the ground.] If it be worth stooping for, there it lies in your eye; if not, be it his that finds it.
[Exit Malvolio.
Vio. [Takes up the ring.] I left no ring with her: What means this lady?
Fortune forbid, my outside have not charm'd her!
She made good view of me; indeed, so much,
That, sure, methought, her eyes had lost her tongue,
For she did speak in starts distractedly.
She loves me, sure; the cunning of her passion
Invites me in this churlish messenger.
None of my lord's ring! – Why, he sent her none.
I am the man; – If it be so, (as 'tis,)
Poor lady! She were better love a dream.
What will become of this? As I am man,
My state is desperate for my master's love;
As I am woman, – now alas the day! —
What thriftless sighs shall poor Olivia breathe!
O time, thou must entangle this, not I;
It is too hard a knot for me to untie.
[Exit.