The Mirror of Literature, Amusement, and Instruction. Volume 20, No. 557, July 14, 1832

Chapter V. relates to Travelling and Communications, with a few cookery receipts of a London tavern, as frying beef-steak in butter; boiling green peas till they burst, and serving them in a wash-hand basin; pickling cucumbers, the size of a man's foot, with whiskey, and giving them a "bilious, Calcutta-looking complexion, and slobbery, slimy consistence: but," says the writer, "how poultry is dressed, so as to deprive it of all taste and flavour, and give it much the appearance of an Egyptian mummy, I am not sufficiently skilled in Transatlantic cookery to determine; unless it be, by first boiling it to rags and then baking it to a chip in an oven."

Chapter VI. relates to the Soil; in which are the following particulars of Long Point:

"This country owes its settlement solely to the persevering industry of my worthy and excellent friend, Colonel Talbot. Forty years ago, while exploring the about-to-be province, on the staff of its governor, General Simcoe, he was struck with the beauty and fertility of this tract; and afterwards observing that, from the improvident grants of the colonial government to friends and favourites, this fertile country, if left in their hands, would continue for ages a howling wilderness, he procured from the authorities at home an exclusive power of settling it. For this purpose he set himself down in the very midst of the territory, without another human habitation within fifty miles of him, and commenced his arduous undertaking by cutting out roads, amidst much head-shaking from the sage, and sneering from the ignorant. He however never was a man who held as a part of his creed the wise aphorism, so often quoted in the present day, 'Vox populi vox Dei;' but held steadily on in the teeth of opposition, vexation, and disappointment, until after about fifteen years of unremitting labour and privation, it became so notorious in the province, that even the executive government at York became aware that there was such a place in existence as the Talbot settlement, where roads were cut, and farms in progress:—and hereupon they rejoiced,—for it held out to them just what they had long felt the want of,—a well-settled, opened, and cultivated country, wherein to obtain estates for themselves, their children, born and unborn, and their whole kith, kin, and allies. When this idea, so creditable to the paternal feelings of these worthy gentlemen was intimated to the Colonel, he could not be brought to see the fitness of things in an arrangement which would confer on the next generation, or the next again, the fruits of the labour of the present; and accordingly, though his answer to the proposal was not couched in terms quite so diplomatic as might have been wished, it was brief, soldier-like, and not easily capable of misconstruction;—it was in these words, 'I'll be – if you get one foot of land here;' and thereupon the parties joined issue. On this, war was declared against him by his Excellency in Council, and every means were used to annoy him here, and misrepresent his proceedings at home; but he stood firm, and by an occasional visit to the Colonial Office in England, he opened the eyes of ministers to the proceedings of both parties, and for awhile averted the danger. At length, some five years ago, finding the enemy was getting too strong for him, he repaired once more to England, and returned in triumph with an order from the Colonial Office, that nobody was in any way to interfere with his proceedings; and he has now the pleasure of contemplating some hundreds of miles of the best roads in the province, closely settled on each side by the most prosperous farmers within its bounds, who owe all they possess to his judgment, enthusiasm, and perseverance, and who are grateful to him in proportion to the benefits he has bestowed upon them, though in many instances much against their will at the time. I spent a fortnight with him some eighteen months ago; and certainly one of his levees with his settlers would, if as well reported, be quite as amusing as one of those Mornings at Bow Street—that about the time I left London were styled, by some wag, the leading articles of the Morning Herald."

Chapter VII. describes the operation of the Lumber Trade, which has been carried on as follows:

"A person, possessed of little or no capital and inflated with the spirit of speculation, hires a number of hands, and purchases a quantity of provisions (on credit), and betakes himself to the woods. His terms with his men are to feed them, supply them with what necessaries they may require, and pay them when he sells his raft."

Chapter VIII. enumerates the Religious Sects, and Chapter IX. consists of Odds and Ends. From the latter we quote:

"Very erroneous notions are current in England with regard to the taxation of the United States. The truth is, that though America is lightly taxed in comparison with England, it is by no means to be considered so when compared to most of the continental nations. The account usually rendered of American taxation is fallacious. It is stated, that something under six millions sterling, or about 10s. per head on an average, pays the whole army, navy, civil list, and interest of debt of the United States, while we require fifty millions, or nearly 2l. 10s. each, for the same purpose. But the fact is, that that sum is only about half what the Americans pay in reality; for each individual state has its own civil list, and all the machinery of a government to support; and insignificant as the expenses of that government appear in detail, yet the aggregate is of very serious importance. For instance, there are five times as many judges in the state of New York alone as in Great Britain and Ireland; and though each individual of these were to receive no more than we would pay a macer of the court, yet when there comes to be two or three hundred of them, it becomes a serious matter; nor does it make any difference, in fact whether they are paid out of the exchequer of the state, or by the fees of the suitors in their courts; they are equally paid by a tax on the people in either case. Although the necessaries of life are cheap in America, and equally cheap in Canada, the luxuries of life are higher by several hundred per cent in the one country than the other. Thus, wine in the United States is so highly taxed, that in a tavern at New York you pay more for a bottle of Madeira than in one at London, viz. five dollars,—and fifteen shillings for port."

THE GATHERER

LACONICS

(From the fourth edition of the work of that title.)

The southern wits are like cucumbers, which are commonly all good in their kind; but at best are an insipid fruit: while the northern geniuses are like melons, of which not one in fifty is good; but when it is so, it is an exquisite relish.—Berkeley.

There is some help for all the defects of fortune; for if a man cannot attain to the length of his wishes, he may have his remedy by cutting of them shorter.—Cowley.

Fear sometimes adds wings to the heels, and sometimes nails them to the ground, and fetters them from moving.—Montaigne.

When I reflect, as I frequently do, upon the felicity I have enjoyed, I sometimes say to myself, that, were the offer made true, I would engage to run again, from beginning to end, the same career of life. All I would ask, should be the privilege of an author, to correct in a second edition, certain errors of the first.—Franklin's Life.

I do not call him a poet that writes for his own diversion, any more than that gentleman a fiddler who amuses himself with a violin.—Swift.

Pleasure of meat, drink, clothes, &c., are forbidden those that know not how to use them; just as nurses cry pah! when they see a knife in a child's hand; they will never say any thing to a man.—Selden.

There be that can pack the cards, and yet cannot play well: so there are some that are good in canvasses and factions, that are otherwise weak men.—Lord Bacon.

A poet hurts himself by writing prose; as a race-horse hurts his motions by condescending to draw in a team.—Shenstone.

I cannot imagine why we should be at the expense to furnish wit for succeeding ages, when the former have made no sort of provision for ours.—Swift.

Reserve is no more essentially connected with understanding, than a church organ with devotion, or wine with good nature.—Shenstone.

Those beings only are fit for solitude, who like nobody, are like nobody, and are liked by nobody.—Zimmerman.

Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders generally discover every body's face but their own;—which is the chief reason for that kind of reception it meets in the world, and that so very few are offended with it.—Swift.

Fools are very often united in the strictest intimacies, as the lighter kinds of woods are the most closely glued together.—Shenstone.

Old sciences are unravelled like old stockings, by beginning at the foot.—Swift.

If parliament were to consider the sporting with reputation of as much importance as sporting on manors, and pass an act for the preservation of fame, there are many would thank them for the bill.—Sheridan.

It is with wits as with razors, which are never so apt to cut those they are employed on, as when they have lost their edge.—Swift.

Exile is no evil: mathematicians tell us that the whole earth is but a point compared to the heavens. To change one's country then is little more than to remove from one street to another. Man is not a plant, rooted to a certain spot of earth: all soils and all climates are suited to him alike.—Plutarch.

Early Rising.—The celebrated John Wesley, who became by habit an early riser, says, "That the difference between rising at five and seven in the morning, for the space of forty years, supposing a man to go to bed every night at the same hour, is equivalent to an addition of ten years to his life."

Coronation Expenses of their present Majesties, William and Adelaide.

The Coronation of his late Majesty, George the Fourth, amounted to more than £268,000.

Narrow Escape.—Andrea Boscoli, the Italian painter, studied after nature; and in his travels he drew sketches of any particular objects that struck him. While pursuing this practice at Loretto, with regard to the fortifications of the city, he was seized by the officers of justice, and condemned to be hanged; but he happily escaped, within a few hours of execution, by the interposition of Signor Bandini, who explained to the chief magistrate his innocent intention.

P.T.W.

Women alias Angels.—Acidalius, the eminent grammarian and critic, whom Baillet reckons among his Enfans celebres, printed a small tract in 1595, intitled Mulieres non esse homines, or that "Women were not of the human species," which was falsely ascribed to him. He only accidently found the manuscript and printed it. It is said, that in order to appease the wrath of some ladies, who reproached him as the author, he declared his opinion, that the author was a judicious person, the ladies being certainly more of the species of angels than of men.

P.T.W.