XVII
Svetlana left her apartment at seven am. After getting a good night sleep and growing stronger during the school vacation, she felt herself quite good. The coldness of the early morning did not surprise her; she actually enjoyed the refreshing tingling of the frost. The surrounding appeared beautiful, wintry dreamlike, and it was making Svetlana happy. At that moment she felt herself absolutely healthy, free, and exuberant. Deciding to walk to school to enjoy a first February morning, she turned around the corner and found herself on the empty space again. She remembered plangent fall and the grass, which was flapping like the ocean waves a few months ago. The picture had changed since then, and the empty space reminded a glacial desert with banks of snow. February windstorm was playing with the snow, either creating snow-drifts or raising snowflakes in the sky like tornado. Svetlana adored winter from the childhood – it was the most mysterious time of the year for her. Almost everyone loves frost, New Year, holiday atmosphere and snow. At this time of the year people make wishes and discuss New Year celebration. Most important events happen in the winter that means that the winter is the most important season. It comes to bring people cleanliness and chastity, and to take away all unnecessary issues, to make wishes come true. When it leaves, people are waiting for it!
Svetlana was walking down the trial as before, but she was a different person. When she crossed the open space, she started to think about school and concentrate on her past classes, meetings, tests. Svetlana missed her students, so she tried to walk slower to enjoy the indescribable feeling of enjoyment. She could not even find a comparison to that new, unexperienced feeling. When she had that heavenly mood it seemed as thought she walked above the ground…
Svetlana saw her school and her heart started to beat so fast, that it became difficult to walk. She stood on the school porch to calm down. Then she opened the door and entered the school.
– Hello Valentina Ivanovna! – She hugged the aged receptionist. – You can’t imagine how glad I am to see you!
– Thank you for your care and attention, Svetlana. How is your health?
– Oh! It is getting better and better, Valentina Ivanovna! Tell me the latest school news, please!
– Everything is the same. The kids will arrive soon; it is almost the time for the first class.
– Do we have any new teachers?
– Not for now. Who knows, may be we will soon.
– All right, Valentina Ivanovna, I better go and prepare for the class. I’ll talk to you later.
– Yes dear. God bless you.
– Thank you. I’ll see you soon.
Svetlana was walking slowly down the empty school corridors, remembering the years of her teaching experience. When she entered her class, she was not surprised that the door knob was missing. “Hmm could be worse”, – thought Svetlana. She looked around the empty class and smiled. Then she touched the desk with her figure and was not surprised again to see tons of dust. She soaked the piece of cloth in water and started to wipe off desks and chairs, trying to remember where her students were sitting. She did not like that the floor was dirty too. However, the cleaner assisted her out and cleaned the floor, while she washed the blackboard. Svetlana was busy with making her class a neat place, and only the school bell made her leave the cleaning tools and open the class doors. Students were entering the class, they greeted her and organized study places. Svetlana really enjoyed teaching children, sharing knowledge with them. She tried to prepare them for the future life and help them to form personalities. Svetlana felt that school was her second life. She could not live without it; school life absorbed her totally. When she was there, it felt as thought she appeared in another world, like the diver at the sea bottom or like the cosmonaut in space. It was a really unforgettable feeling.
– Hello, sit down please! Nadia, what do we have today on schedule, Russian language or literature? Who is absent?
– We have literature today. Maxim is missing.
Teacher’s face changed when she heard it, but she got herself together:
– What is the reason he is missing? What happened?
– He broke his leg before the New Year. He got the gypsum removed recently. He’ll start attending classes when he starts walking.
– How will he study if he can’t come to school?
After this question Svetlana thought that students were aware of her call to Maxim. Seemed like they knew she told him of her not being able to visit him, because they answered her unwillingly. “I don’t think I can do it now either, – she thought. – It is even more difficult now…”
– Well, some lessons he is covering with teachers who visit him, and some he is studying independently to pass them in school later – answered Andrew, a friend of Max.
– How do you know about it, Andrew?
– I visited him recently, he feels better.
– That’s great!
Svetlana was not comfortable asking questions about Maxim. She could call him, even come over and find out herself…
That idea scared her. Becoming confused by these thoughts, she lost her an interest in teaching a class and even thought: “May be it is better just to talk to students? They can cover the topic independently. No, may be I should give a class? Probably the best thing to do is to ask the students directly”.
– I want to ask you weather you prefer to have a class, or just have a relaxing day and talk? I have not seen you in a long time and missed you.
Class was quite: everyone was silent and looked at Svetlana with surprise, amazed by her changes. She used to be strict and reserved, but at that moment she opened the door to her soul, shocking students so much that they could not even talk. Svetlana was looking at her students and thought that if Max was among them, he would give an answer. “Calm down, – she said to herself, – students are not used to my changes yet. They will be more comfortable soon…”
– Should we go over a new topic? Why are you so quite?
– Svetlana Victorovna, may I leave the class?
Alexander Kapustin did not change much, but it seemed that he gained more weight.
– Alex, where do you need to go?
– Oh, I just need to use the bathroom, it won’t take long.
– Usually when you ask to use the bathroom you. You have five minutes. Go.
Svetlana stood up from her table and started to walk around, watching Alexander leave the room.
– If no one can take a decision, I will take it. Please get the paper and pens out, and write a composition about your New Year’s Day. What I want to see, – she made a pause and waited for, – are the specific details from your holiday. If your compositions are short, you will have to re-write it.
The teacher took her sit and looked at the students with attention. They are still very immature. Gosh, when are they going to grow up?
– No one even mentioned that we have a literature class today. Does it mean you don’t care at all? You will have Russian language class today and literature tomorrow. Write down the task for tomorrow – creative work of Lermontov. You need to memorize one of his poems. Choose one for yourself. Is everything understood?!
No one answered Svetlana again – students were writing.
– Will anyone say a word to me today? – said Svetlana, looking at the clock. She did not get an answer again.
– All right. Take a rest on the break, and then keep on working during the second hour of class. Don’t leave before the class is over. Saveliev, please stay after the class; you’ll get some personal homework to do.
– Ok, – was the only thing Andrei answered.
Leaving the class, Svetlana felt how pressure was leaving. Why don’t students like her? She never noticed before, that students have a very negative attitude towards her. She has a very difficult task now. How do people call it nowadays, to change an image? She was about to go to the stairs, when she spotted Kapustin.
– Alex, I gave students a task so ask them what you need to do, ok.
– Yes, of course.
He proceeded to the class, and Svetlana went to the second floor and opened the doors to the geography class. There was only a teacher in the class.
– Svetlana, hello. Come in, I don’t have two classes in a row. – Ludmila Alexandrovna kissed her on the chick and gave her a hug. – Come in, sit down. Glad to see that you feel better.
– Thank you, Ludmila. How is it going with you?
– I am doing very well, how are you doing?
– I did not think it would be that hard. I don’t even know if I can make it.
– Come on, what are you talking about? I don’t recognize you! How can you not be there for your class graduation? I don’t even want to believe in that possibility. You have always been so strong, what happened now?
– You know I am a woman; I want some warmth. And all of the students keep quite and don’t want to say a word to me. Can you understand me?
– Dear, we are all different. I am different from you, and there is nothing we can do about it.
– Ludmila, you know that I want to change; you even know why I want it to happen. Can you help me with something?
– How can I help you? How can I make your students talk? How can I make them smile? I don’t have the answer to your problems. Since there is no answer, there is no problem…
– So your opinion that the problem is in me?!
– Of course, Svetlana! They have their own problems too, but you are the main reason why they act the way they do.
– Do you think they suspect something?
– If they feel intimidated, they understand something. I have no idea what do you mean by suspect, and what they can suspect.
– Ludmila, gives me an advice. How can I take it easy? May be I should not be paying attention at all?
– Svetlana, I can tell you only one thing. You need to make a decision and decide whether to change or not. But at first you need to change inside, to get rid of all unnecessary thoughts and sins, you need to strive for perfection. Don’t overwhelm yourself. Work on yourself, and you will get a result. If you pretend to be someone else you are not, it won’t take you anywhere. Don’t pay attention at all these little problems.
– I understand everything very well. But how can I not pay attention is hard to understand!
– Be yourself and don’t let negative feelings and emotions take a control over you. Think of it: what is emotion? It is nothing, right? Why do you let it take a control over you?
The bell rang, and students started to enter the geography class, greeting teachers…
– Thank you very much, Ludmila. I have to go now. See you soon.
As usual, no one entered her class without her permission. Svetlana passed by, concentrating on her thoughts. She asked Andrew:
– When are you going to see Max?
– Today or tomorrow, why?
– Let him know, that he needs to read Gorky’s novel “Mother” and write a paper on it. I will give him a literature grade based on this paper.
– Ok, I will let him know. Can I go now?
– Yes.
Andrew almost made it to the door when she said:
– Oh, there is something else, Andrew!
– Yes? – the student looked at her attentively.
– Sent him my greetings, and let him know that I wish him to get well soon! This is it, good – bye!
XVIII
Doors of the room opened and Andrew entered the room. He was dressed modestly, but with a good taste. Max always liked the intelligent face of his friend, his unlimited aspiration for the best and proper. Andrew had dark rare hair, short haircut, blue eyes and olive skin. His facial features were accurate and attractive, and by looking at him it was easy to say that he was an intelligent person with good actions. Maxim liked how Andrew entered the room. He opened the doors, got in, put his bag down; then he returned back to door, closed it, and only after that approached Max. He pronounced assuredly and quietly:
– Hello, my friend. How are you?
– I am limping.
– Don’t be shy. I thought you had been running around for a while.
– I wish… It would be so good to run or play basketball right now.
– Oh come on! You will have time to play. Now you need to get well.
– I am doing my best, you can see for yourself.
– Of course I see it, Max. It does not make me feel any better thought.
– Andrew, could you please tell me the news from school. I have not been there for ages.
– Everything is the same, except for you being excited about it.
– I know… It is always the same. How are my friends?
– You won’t believe it; they did not change much either.
– Enough about them, give me an answer to another question. Is Svetlana Victorovna working again?
Andrew was waiting for Max to ask this question. Instead of answering, he asked:
– Is she in love with you?
– I told you before that it happened long time ago. So what?
– It is just obvious to me. Every time she looks at he I can see it in her eyes, as if she says: “Andrew, I love Max very much”. Do you understand what I mean?
– What do you think? Do I look like a fool?
Maxim was talking absolutely calmly, so Andrew always unsure of his friend’s real feelings and kept on re-asking the same questions. At those moments Max thought: “It is so easy to get a person confused, even when he is smart. People can get caught up in the vulpine game of emotions…”
– Why are you being so harsh? It is just that I am surprised and I did not notice it before…
– It is natural, and I remember when it happens as clearly as I remember us growing up. Right now, when she is totally in love, it is very hard not to notice. I agree with you.
– Do you love her back?
– Andrew, let’s change the subject. I have told you before that I love her. Why are we getting back to this subject? I don’t get it…
– Ok, ok, I only wanted to make sure. If you don’t feel like talking about it, we won’t.
– Andrew, I just want to know if she asked about me.
– It is not that she just asked, she actually was questioning me. How are you doing, how are you feeling. She even asked who is visiting you. Can you believe it?!
– Wow, I was so positive she would not even remember me. Well, that’s good news!
– She even gave you a task!
– A task? Why she could not call and give it to me directly? She should be coming over to give me lessons, not to give tasks!
– You need to let me finish first. Remember you were talking to her about the Gorky’s novel “Mother”?
– Of course I do! I told her that I’ll read it, even thought it is not included in the school program. I also promised to give a speech about it in class, if necessary.
– Well, she told you to submit a paper on that novel.
– Did she specify the topic?
– No, I guess she assumed you would know what to write about.
– How am I supposed to know when I finished this novel two weeks ago! There are thousands of topics to choose on this novel. From what I assume, this should be a nonspecific paper with an accent on some issue. However, it is hard to guess what the accent should be on.
– Just cover everything that you can. If you want, I will find out for you. I can even tell Svetlana Victorovna to give you a call if you want.
– Could you please ask her to specify the topic for me? She will either give me a call or tell you what she wants this paper on. This is it. What is the reason for all this debate?
Andrei calmed down, listened to his friend quietly and thought: "My friend’s love is strange! Where it can lead him to? However, if Max needs it, he will sure find a use for it! Hmm, it is interesting weather he tells me about it or not. I think he will".
– Max, girls have been invited us to join the committee of the high school. What is your opinion on that?
– I agree. They need assistance? I’ll only be glad to help them if I can.
Room doors opened again, and Roman with a sad face of a genius entered the room. It always seemed to Maxim, that he is a very intelligent person, but little problems were able to get him depressed and affect him inadequately. He acted strange because of them, like now. He closed the doors, entered the room not saying a word, and sat between Maxim and Andrew on the bed. He was thinking about his own deeds and did not pay attention to anyone, as if he was the only person in the room. Andrew was very surprised, but did not give any comments. Maxim knew that Roman could not stand any strangers in their friendship and wanted to communicate with him only.
– I don’t think I want to join that committee. They don’t really do anything serious there, except for the organization of holidays. They don’t solve student problems at all.
– I agree with you totally. What problems can students have? Bad grades? That depends on him only. Relations with relatives? These are personal problems and should not be discussed. So what kind of problems can that committee solve? Do you want the whole school to know about your problems? You would be embarrassed to enter the school then!
– Ok, Max, I better go home, I have homework to do.
– We are not done with the game, – Maxim knocked, looking at the chess.
– I’ll come over on weekend and we’ll finish the game? Please don’t be offended, ok?
– Andrew, why in the world I’ll take an offence! You must be joking? Everything is all right. The only thing I want to ask you is to come over more often. Sounds good?
– All right, get well! Good-bye!
Andrei left the room, and Max, not paying any attention at Roman, lay on the bed and closed eyes. After a few moments Roman asked:
– Are you planning to sleep, Max?!
– What else is there to do? Play football?
Roman got quite again, staring at one spot and not moving. Max always had a feeling, that his friend has many genial thoughts in his head. He thought that Roman was making unachievable goals, but no matter what it is he would work hard and achieve them. Max believed in that and was used to Roman’s strange actions, treating him like brother and thinking of him as of close relative.
– Let’s play chess if you want.
– Hey, you don’t like chess! – Maxim was surprised and thought: “He does not want me to sleep”.
– I usually don’t like chess, but today I would like to play.
– Roman, what are you thinking about? – asked Maxim, setting pieces on the board.
Roman was looking at the chess pieces for a while, then made a first move with a pawn, and answered Max with the question:
– What do you think, is there a life after death?
– I think so. I am actually positive why do you need to think about it?
– See, I am deliberating on questions that are essential for understanding the essence of human living. No matter how much time I spend thinking, I always run into the same conclusion: if there is no life after death, then our life has no meaning at all.
– Roman, you are absolutely correct. I wanted to tell you that myself.
– What is human being then? What is the purpose of our life? This is something I can’t understand.
– This is what I think… There is a world, where there are favorable conditions for everyone. All people who live there are good and positive, but it is impossible to determine what they really like. So the God created a material world, so he created you, me and everyone else. Every creature of the other world is going here to live a short period of time – this is what we call life. However, this life, just like everything in the world, does not disappear- it takes another form. That means that life is endless, it is just that we are here on Earth for a limited amount of time. Then, after we pass the musters and finish our term here, we would be answering for it!
– So what should I do?
– I don’t know Roman; each person should find his own answer. Many people can’t find it and walk down the wrong path. However, later, after hundreds of years they will be born again.: in a different county, in a different body, with a different assignment… And they will start searching for the answer again… Many people can’t find it again, and suffer from it. Do you understand?
– Do you think I feel better? I have been looking for answer forever. I am looking for my assignment, Max! I can’t decide what it is! I feel uncertainty and intimidation, which stand on my way and don’t let me move forward.
– Roman, I understand you very well, I experienced your confusion. I can only imagine that you need to be concentrated all the time and make decisions what to do. That is very important. Do you understand me? You need to do what you have to do, not what you want to.
– How is that?
– It does not matter, weather it will be good or bad for you, weather you need it or not. This is the last thing to think about. It is essential to realize the importance and the rightness of your action. You need to accomplish what you have to without waiting for assistance from others. You need to do it today, not tomorrow, or at any other time. If you waste your time, then there will be no need for your actions.
– It is almost impossible: to analyze everything, make a decision what to do and how to do it, plus to do it the right way.
– Yes, but tell me what our life is for then?! To eat and go to the bathroom?
– There is no need for overacting, Max.
– I am not overacting! Everyone lives like that!
– I should be going. So how can I change everything? How can I accomplish it? It is hard for me to see and understand it all right away.
– At first you need to concentrate on yourself and become a better person! You have told me yourself that we need to strive for perfection! When you reach the perfection, you will be able to see and understand things. If you look for the answers now, you will waste time. Work on yourself, Roman! And you will win!
– Do you mean to grow spiritually and take control over the flesh?
– Right. Take a control over all human sins and desires. Get rid of all the dirt!
– Thank you, Max, I understand now. Do you mind if I go home? Will you take an offence?
– Please go, that is so silly…
– Sorry. Bye.