X
Maxim slipped from the bed, not washing up at all, and found his old constructor with the iron tube and started to make himself a crutch. «Enough lying in bed! It is time to act and not to waste time on the purposeless storing of fat!» – he told himself. With help of the created crutch, Max limped to the horizontal bar, hang on it and felt a strong pain in all body and head. He has risen on a healthy leg, taking a rest, and then practised again and again, till the pain became tolerant. So he tortured himself till lunch and then made a break to get a meal. Chewing food wearily, Maxim understood that he had a very important task, unrealistic at the given moment. He was ffrightened by the awful comprehension that he was not ready to solve it. Ttherefore, he felt as thought he was getting a failing grade: defenceless and weak. Max was miserable and, being submerged in his thoughts, he poured a glass of hot tea on himself.
Griping teeth, Maxim endured pain from the boiling water which burnt his legs, especially the broken one. At that moment bone in the leg started to ache so bad that he could not even see clearly. However, Max tried to relax and take a control over pain to acknowledge how it worked. Maxim realized that when ache spreaded over the extremity it was tolerable, and when he was contracting one muscle the pain was leaving to other muscles. When straining the whole leg, it is necessary to endure pain all over, and that is a lot more painful. «That means, – Max thought, – that I must choose the hardest path. It is harder to relax when you feel the pain, and the result from overcoming the difficulty is always pleasant. How am I going to help Svetlana if I don’t know what to do? To understand what to do, I ought to think about it all the time and do something. Yes, I need to do well at school, to get prepared for examinations, to read books – all of that is necessary. But when and how»?
Returning to his room, Maxim turned on the music quietly and started to learn new topic in geometry, quite a difficult one. Music was bothering him; no matter how many times he had read the chapter he could not remember it. Max was tired and exhausted, but said to himself that he would learn it. He made the interfering music louder and started to read and memorize again. It was very hard to do, since he was very tired; dizziness and weakness in the whole body challenged him to do two things at once. However, he decided: «If I can’t manage this task, then will I be able to do something else»?! He was not paying attention to anything and didn’t leave the table before the topic was learned. Instead of being happy – he managed to solve the hardest math problems independently, Max said: «It is not enough»! When he stood up from the chair, he almost fell down, snatching at the table to keep balance. Overcoming severe headache, Max understood that he would fall on the floor unless he lay down. It was two footsteps to the bed, but he took his crutch and plodded to the couch, taking frequent breaks. He lay there relaxed, with eyes closed, and tried to regain strengths which were mostly gone. Maxim thought: «How can I lie when there are so many things to do? It will take over five years to accomplish everything, but I only have one year»!
Max tried to figure out how much time he would stay home. He was home over a month, but he felt no progress in his condition. He actually felt worse: head was aching and spinning, weakness was driving him crazy. He had to remain still for hours to regain the lost energies at least a little. He was annoyed by staying in bed because he was not sleepy and it was challenging to concentrate on thinking. Growing a little stronger, Max opened his eyes. He experienced a grand surprise when he saw that in the corner of the leaving room, right near his room, stood a decorated New Year tree! That was amazing! He became surprised even more when he looked at the calendar: it was the thirtieth of December! That means, that tomorrow is the New Year! Wow! Max felt a fit of energy, stood up from the couch, limped to the tree and took a sit on the chair near it. He got a feeling that New Year tree is giving him some inner strength. It didn’t smell like a pine tree, but Max knew that it was alive. Alive, but will die soon… His happiness disappeared. On top of that he remembered: everyone would go out tomorrow, but he would still be at home like today. Loneliness disappointed him at first, but them he moved negative thoughts aside and said to himself: «I shall have a New Year next year only anyway, when my dream will come true! Right now I need to forget the New Year, my birthday, and everything else that can slow me down on my way». Do I need to overwhelm myself with all that?
He knew the answer to that question already. Getting rid of this idea, Maxim thought that life had no meaning unless you made another person happy, even by dedicating your whole life to that goal. Max was angry at himself for the moment of weakness: «Is this how you see yourself and your love»!? He had never sworn, and even at that time didn’t let himself to pronounce a single indecent word. He thought again about the idea which upset him and asked himself: «Why am I angry? I have taken the decision, more over; I took the first move already. I am on the way to success. So why was I upset»? Could it be the weakness taking me off the right path?! Or was it a weakness of spirit? Or uncertainty which hasn’t left me yet, trying to block the way?! Everything – away!
Maxim stood up on the gypsum and fell down, hitting his head with the window-sill. His nose started to bleed. He stood up with effort and made it to the bathroom. After catching up breath, he reached the light switch and then lost consciousness. He fell on the floor heavily. He recovered right away and heard the echo from the fall in his ears. Everything was drifting in front of his eyes: walls, floor, and furniture – the whole corridor was storming. Maim could not stand up: broken foot created acute seizures which moved directly to the head. Every single movement caused him loosing vision. Overcoming this terrible pain, he managed to grab a wall with one hand and a dresser with the other in order to remain in the sitting position. It was easy to overcome dizziness, but when his heart was burning, he had to lie down still. Maxim could not take hands off the wall and dresser, that action would mean to fall again. Energies left him again. He flexed his aching stomach, released hands free and lay on the back. It was hot, and cold corridor floor was refreshing. Lying on the floor, Max was making decision where to creep: to the leaving room, bathroom, or his room. Decision arrived itself: first to the bathroom, then to my room. «I need to stand up! – said Max. – Last thing I need is to catch a cold»! Leaving the crutch, he crept to the bathroom. How pathetic can a human being be! He is not much different from a dog at the moment, even weaker and more helpless! After washing up he knew that he had energies for another five minutes, and he need to use the bathroom and brush teeth. He had strength for that, but not to get to the room. He remained sitting in the bathroom, with eyes closed, as if he slept. He could not fall asleep, but was taking a nap, seeing a dark-haired and dark-skinned girl, who smiled at him and wanted to tell something. She was calling Max, but he could not understand what she wanted from him. He moved, chasing the view away, but it was holding him tightly. Then Max tried to relax but almost fell in the tub, having time to close eyes and to grab the sink. After soaking head in cold water, he rose from the floor sharply, made a few jumps along the hall to reach the crutch, and then limped to his room. He collapsed in bed and didn’t wake up till the next evening.
When mom woke Maxim up on the New Year’s Eve, it was half past five: «Wake up, it is time to have dinner, and you haven’t had breakfast yet»! Son was stretching while she was rushing him: «Come on, wake up»!
Max loved his mom’s cooking: there were a lot of tasty dishes, and he never knew what to try first. So he was trying everything in small portions and ended up totally stuffed. His parents were talking to him, interrupting each other, but Max, occupied with food, didn’t hear them. He was not eating for a few days – had no appetite before today. That feeling gave him a hope for soon recovery. Maxim was amazed with himself, feeling that he had missed school. It was even good that his illness matched the time of winter break. He had fifteen more days to recover, take off the gypsum and start walking. That made him glad, so he stopped eating and smiled.
– What is wrong with you Max? I am telling you that we are going out to see friends soon, and you are smiling!
– What else I got to do? I can’t go with you.
– What are you going to do when we are gone? That is very interesting.
– I’ll go to bed- what else can I do. May be I’ll read something before falling asleep.
– Will you watch TV shows?
– Probably no. However, I don’t know yet. If there is a good movie, then I’ll definitely watch it. Max was eating a cake, washing it down with tea, which was heating after cold salads. He looked at his mom, looking very elegant and pretty, just like the New Year tree! Women know how to dress up!
– Are you finished with dinner? We are about to leave. Probably, we’ll be back only tomorrow morning or even tomorrow evening. So don’t loose us!
– All right, all right, don’t worry so much.
– You are not upset with us for leaving you by yourself at the holiday?! Answer honestly!
– It is not your fault! – said Max sarcastically and didn’t add anything to that, looking at his mother resentfully. He was offended that she didn’t pay any attention to what he had said. «From the other hand, – he thought, – it is even better this way: there is no reason to ruin a holiday».
– Stop by Margarita Leonidovna, tell Roma to come over! – he shouted at the closing door and felt himself so lonely and forsaken, that his heart started to burn again… He recalled Sveta one more time. She is also watching TV, crying quietly and more then likely thinks about him, so helpless and immature. Max knew that she has inner battle for her credence and that loves helps her. Probably, this is why he feels mournful in the depth of heart. Strengths are gone when no one believes in you. He imagined how difficult that is for her. But she can do that, she is strong and she will be able to give Max support. Sveta will give him energy which will help him to make her happy. «I love you Svetlana»! Will she be able to hear him this night? More then likely yes.
At seven pm Max decided to take a nap to get some rest before Roman’s visit. He tried to imagine how Svetlana could be dressed up at the moment. That is so bad he can’t see her!
When he was falling asleep, the New Year tree was standing in front of his eyes…
XI
«Great solution out of the situation»! – Svetlana thought when she woke up in the evening from the noise guests had created. At first she got angry at her husband for not canceling the celebration. Later, however, she decided that it was a good idea to enjoy the occasion and get digressed from negativity. The new coming year should be a good one. It should be like this one – cheerful, enigmatical and mysterious. Svetlana smiled and remembered the expression: «You will spend the new year exactly how you will celebrate its beginning». She wanted to meet the guests, but felt pain in the stomach and had to sit down on the couch. Svetlana closed her eyes, not being able t stand up.
– Stay where you are, Svetlana! – Ludmila hurried up to stop her. How are you feeling?
Svetlana didn’t answer.
– Don’t worry; we brought all the snacks with us. We’ll stay here for a while, celebrate with you, and keep on going. Svetlana, please say something.
– I haven’t prepared anything, Lyudmila, – Svetlana answered quietly, not opening her eyes.
– Oh, we don’t need anything; we just came over to see you. I hope it is a good idea. To be honest, I didn’t want to bother you, but Vadim took an effort to talk me into that.
«What is going on with me? – Svetlana was puzzled. – It is not a right way to treat people who love and respect you. I have always been distant from my colleagues and people perceive me as an arrogant person. Some are offended by me, some don’t even talk to me and some treat me with coldness. Oh God! I have never noticed that before. I could not understand why all relatives and colleagues turn away from me; I am a good person and a good teacher. I feel so guilty right now! God, forgive me!
– I hope you are not offended by me; – Svetlana gave Ludmila a hug. – I haven’t given you a proper welcoming…
– Of course not! I totally understand that you are having hard time and it is not easy for you…
A tear ran over Ludmila’s cheek.
– Ludmila, I love you very much too! Probably, like one can love a sister. I am very sorry for my actions…
Svetlana shed a tear too, – more from happiness then from the disparity.
– Everyone misses you at school! You are being waited for, despite the holidays. Everyone is worried and concerned for you, – told Ludmila, mopping the tears off. She calmed down, inhaled air and said:
– As if I knew I would be crying. I didn’t apply any make up on, it would all be smudged off now if I did.
Svetlana didn’t answer – she was mopping the tears off.
– All right, I’ll go to set the table it is almost 11 pm…
Ludmila took another look in the mirror, fixed her curly fair hair, and charmingly smiled. She had impressive gray-blue eyes, beautifully shaped lips and accurate nose. «I don’t even need make-up»! – said Ludmila to herself. Standing up from the couch and leaving Svetlana by herself, she proceeded to the kitchen. She understood very well how low Svetlana felt at the moment…
– Would you like to sit here or in the living room?
– Don’t worry Vadim; of course we’ll sit in the living room as usual. Svetlana is all right. If you don’t understand, she is a different person now.
– All right Arthur, let’s move the table. Ladies need to start setting it up, time is running fast.
– We need to light up the New Year tree and turn on the video recorder. Are you planning to record the concert?
Svetlana didn’t want to stand up from the couch, but didn’t want to stay on it either. Stomach stopped hurting, so she enjoyed a feeling of wellness and tired to feel every cell in her body. Relaxed, she regulated her breath and listened her heartbeat. She was satisfied that she didn’t even have a fever. Energy was missing, but doing things slow helped. Svetlana got distracted from her thoughts by the kiss on the lips. She enjoyed it and, wanting more, moved closer to her husband.
– Are you going to change clothing, Svetlana?
She kissed him again and said:
– We are not going anywhere, so what for?
– Oh, I just asked for what you want.
– I want you to be near me all the time.
– It will always be like that, dear. You know we’ll always be together.
– Yes! Hello!
At first Svetlana didn’t hear anything when she picked up the phone.
– Mom, hello, this is me! Happy New Year!
– Hello Dear! Thank you! I wish you a Happy New Year too! Give grandma a kiss from us, ok!
– Of course I will! I am a little upset with her though.
– Nikita, what happen?
– I wanted to go home to celebrate the holiday, but she didn’t let me…
– Don’t worry son, we’ll have time to celebrate. Grandma is lonely there by herself? Don’t be upset with her, all right?
– Ok, I won’t!
– Good boy! Daddy and myself have prepared a present for you. You’ll see it when you come over!
– Yes, mom! I miss you.
– Ok, son, it is almost midnight. Don’t upset grandma.
Nikita changed the subject:
– Mom, how are you feeling?
– I am good dear. I am sending you many kisses and hugs. Once more, happy New Year son! I love you!
– I love you too mom! Get well!
Nikita hang up the phone, but Svetlana was still listening the beeps trying to visualize him at this important moment.
– Let’s sit down at the table! It is almost midnight!
Svetlana sighted when the cork loudly flied out of the champagne bottle, hit the ceiling and landed on the phone. Then, hearing the clock bit, she hangs up the phone, lifted the glass with champagne and drained it to the dregs, congratulating everyone with the holiday. The concert on TV began, so everyone watched and listened to it attentively. No one said a single word; people were thinking of their problems and digressed from thoughts in order to fill up the plates. Svetlana was watching Arthur, Ludmila and Vadim. They were concerned and tried to leave their worries behind at least for the evening, relax and have a good time. Problems can be solved later. Then it is time to expect new nuisances that are often unnecessary and pitiful, moreover, created by people themselves.
Svetlana remembered school problems which she had created for herself. She ruined relationships with everyone: colleagues, directorships, students… What was the reason for that? What influenced her actions? The answer to the question scared her. She was frightened to confess that personal pride and fake magnitude had found shelter in her soul and were giving her guidance. It seemed to be right and decent behavior. However, instead of understanding and respect which she hoped to receive, she was given quite the opposite! She was avoided, not paid attention to. Students were scared to go to her class, expecting rudeness and harshness They were petrified in front of her, intimidated to say a word. She was proud of that! Even thought she knew that the girls from her class address other teachers in order to get help in difficult life scenarios, or just to hear the advice, to talk. Svetlana created barriers. She suffered inside, but inhibited her feelings. Right after classes she was going home and did not let anyone into her life.
At that moment she was looking at Ludmila, who was sitting near her at the festive table, giving her gratitude inside. Ludmila opened her eyes and helped her see her fallacy, absolutely needless one, ultimately disturbing. Svetlana tried to change more then once; she even asked for advice how to correct herself. It seemed impossible, unrealistic and intimidating to overcome yourself. There is an abyss in front on her, and it is extremely frightening to step into the unknown. The fear is actually reaching the level of panic terror. Svetlana was trying to get rid of those thoughts. She suffered and didn’t know how to act. Once she had a panic attack when the son was watching a horror movie. She ran to the video recorder, almost broke it, and damaged a couple of tapes. Her husband and son had to make arrangements with neighbors to watch a movie at their place.
Svetlana made a wish, believing sincerely in the magic of the New Year’s eve: she wanted to change and start living a fulfilling life. She wanted to give people warmth and happiness, not fear or jealously. If she is able to control herself, then… Svetlana lost her breath because she imagined Maxim, standing at her closed door and knocking on it. Every knock reflected with the heart burn. She suddenly realized that life events depend on her too, not only on Max, as she always thought. All of his efforts would lead to no result if she just waited. «I am surprised, – Svetlana thought, – it does not scare me at all! May be I am ready? – then she said to herself absolutely calmly: – Yes, Maxim, now I am totally ready»! She poured more champagne in the glass, drank it, poured some more; then she put the glass in front of her on the table and continued brainwork: «He was probably trying to bring some positivism into my life for a long time, but I could not even notice it! It is interesting, how did I manage to fall in love with him? No matter how long I think about it, I can’t find the answer».
– I want to stitch the TV channel, any objections?
Svetlana tried to visualize Maxim. She always wanted her man to be chaste, with pure thoughts and clear intentions. She wanted him to be a real man, not just to be called a man! All mature and serious men that she had known, even her husband, processed certain flaws that made her change the attitude towards them. These flaws were killing all the feelings she had: respect, friendship, warmth. That was the reason which made her create a wall between herself and people around. Holding flowers, presented by Maxim, Svetlana saw an ideal man in the little boy. She was positive that ideal man did not exist. She thought that love was only a pitiful fiction of laity, who knows nothing about it. Svetlana was overwhelmed by hew new love. It knocked her down, turned her head, and changed everything. When she looked in the little boy’s eyes, she saw the sight of the mature man. He didn’t feel a small boy at those moments- it was Svetlana who felt herself a little girl under the influence of his powerful inner strength. Her hearted cowered when he dissolved in the crowd of students, dressed up for the occasion! And she, a mature woman, was standing at her spot for a long time, searching him in the crowd and scolding herself for not asking his name.
«Can it be true that I am going to remember this moment all my life?! – Svetlana thought and answered herself: – Yes, of course! I’ll be remembering it every moment of my life! God, thank you for this feeling»! She remembered again how she looked into Maxim’s eyes, feeling extremely happy: he was her student! She became stronger; it seemed, that just a little more – and he would shine with love, honestly, sincerity and kindness. Svetlana wanted to learn from him how to be opened for others, how to become an understanding and bright personality. She realized that she was ready for it. She will be watching his actions, movements, and manners, walk. She will become as pure as he is. When Maxim will see that she has changed, that will be a signal for action. He is the only person who can help her to achieve her dream. «I need to prepare myself for new life during the holiday time», – Svetlana said herself and had some more champagne.