– Young man! Where do you think you are going?!
Max was looking at the woman what reminded his mother very much and thought: «I never had so much hatred in my life»! The head stopped spinning but started to ache more, breath fastened, hands turned into fists. He noticed how the expression of woman’s face changed and it became elongated.
– Give me a way, please – Maxim tried to say as calm as possible but it seemed to frighten a woman even more and she remained on her spot.
– Young man! Leave the passage-way, you are blocking it!
Maxim looked at those nervous and unhealthy faces and he felt more and more uncomfortable. It was very unpleasant to hear rude speech. Office door opened, and the overweight woman had to leave her position. Maxim entered the office without procrastination and shut the door at the face of the next patient.
– It is already 2 pm Maxim, why did not you come earlier? You understand that if something happens with you, I shall be responsible for that, – Doctor Vera Petrovna was worried. Her anxiety was so obvious that it was nonsensical to try to conceal it.
– I am very sorry… – Maxim started but at that moment the office door opened and the obese woman broke in with an angry speech:
– What is going on?! I was waiting here from the early morning and still can’t be admitted! For how long is it going to take place?! Young man, why did you enter without waiting in line? I have warned you…
– Ma’am! Leave the office and close the door behind you! Right now! – Loudly but calmly said Vera Petrovna with a lot of confidence so that the woman became dumbfounded and stood frozen. Max started to shake and felt disgust to remain in the hospital, keeping in mind that he could not stand hospitals in general. He had to hold himself not to jab the woman out and said quietly:
– Should I give you assistance? Or you would leave by yourself?
– Don’t waste your own time, – Vera Petrovna continued to explain to the closing door.
After the check-in he ran out of the office and ran in the troubled foreperson of the sick patients. It felt as if he had hit his head on the wall – wave of their emotions and sensed strong pressure, his heat beat fastened again, footsteps became faster. It was as thought he had flied through the crowd of angry people, rushed by humiliation and evil looks that created noise in the head. He made it to the hospital porch, inhaled fresh air, which felt really fresh after the hospital odor and felt that his feet were taking him further, as if the ground had left his feet. Maxim rolled from the porch quickly and could not stand up. All of the sudden the head started to spin and he felt nausea. He could not say for how long he stayed there. When it became cold he moved and tried to stand up but could not do that. Then, grabbing the hospital handrail, Maxim lifted himself with the arm force and touched ground with feet. Standing on the feet appeared very difficult, left foot hurt badly… After some time Max took a look at the porch again. Even the head stopped spinning when he saw that all the steps were covered with thick, even layer of ice!! This is where he traumatized his left foot when he was falling from the porch rolling on those steps… Maxim took an effort to step on the foot and almost fell down, so he grabbed the rails again. Only after he had straightened the foot totally, grinding teeth from the pain, Max limped to the closest house and sat on the bench. He started to sweat, and then felt coldness and thought: «I need to go home, even thought that is the last thing I want to do».
III
– One, two… Open your eyes!
In front of Svetlana’s eyes strange figures were moving, which meaning she could not recognize. She felt awkward lightness, like she had no body and couldn’t sense hands and legs. It felt good, comfortable, and thoughts didn’t torture her. Freedom carried her away on the wings and showed infinity of its capabilities. Svetlana enjoyed the feeling of lightness and purity when nothing drags you down, doesn’t immobilize movements. However, at the same time she understood that lack of feelings was there more then anything else, like the surrounding emptiness inside and outside… Suddenly she felt shaking in her hands, feet and all over the body. After some time, she realized: "I am laying and I am cold!" Pain which appeared out of nowhere was languishing and she was quietly moaning not being able to move. She was thirsty and had no strength to open eyes.
– How is she feeling? – asked the surgeon who came in the room and looked at Svetlana.
– She does not move much. Breathing. Don’t worry, we are keeping an eye on her and if something happens we will let you know right away, – livened up the patients.
– Hmm, she is not gaining consciousness for quite a long time, – said the doctor checking pulse and looking at the clock. – Was she talking today?
– No, but she was mumbling. The meaning of her mumbling is clear, as thought you are going through something with her, but what is not known.
Doctor looked attentively at the talkative female patient in her sixties, with some gray hair and piercing eyes, so understanding, that it was not possible not to admire kindness of such person.
– What is wrong with her, doctor? Something serious, right? I have a feeling she lost something spiritual and her soul is suffering, can’t accept it.
Evgeni Dmitrievich saw various kinds of people during his practice but that patient, Lidia Petrovovna, was a very interesting and complex human being. He was not even trying to understand her. Her gaze depressed him and instead of giving her an answer, Evgeni Dmitrievich caught himself having a desire to ask for advice on the problems in which, more then likely she did not know the answer.
Not paying attention at feeling cold and bedeviling thirst, Svetlana lay still. She turned into ears and tried to understand what had happened to her. By that time, she realized that she was in the hospital and more then likely went thought a surgery…
Evgeni Dmitrievich, keeping his hand on Svetlana’s forehead, was looking at Lidia Petrovna and did not know what to say to answer her question.
– You faced an exceptional case in your practice, young man. I see that it concerns you. Please stop worrying, medicine won’t be able to help in this scenario; she will only feel better if she goes thought the analogous experience, artificially created by another person.
– But how! Things like that don’t exist?! – Doctor rebelled when he understood Lidia Petrovna’s words. – It just can’t be that the organs of the body are almost dead and malfunctioning but at the same time all the diagnostic tests show no abnormality! It can’t be true that characteristics of vital functions are negative and at the same time well – performing! It is not possible!
– Everything can be explained, – Lidia Petrovna appeased him with her calm old voice, – it is essential to find the cause of the disease to treat a patient, right?
– But medicine can’t explain that, this is what I am talking about.
– That means that it exists somewhere else. Do not worry; psychology and psychiatry have no power over the strength of emotions that were growing over years.
Evgeni Dmitrievich tried to understand everything he had acknowledged from the woman’s words. How can she see the unknown so deeply? It is the first time she sees Sveta, who is unconscious! Judging from her words, she understands everything about medicine… This is very strange!
Door of the ward opened and young nurse with the frightened face looked into the ward and said:
– Evgeni Dmitrievich, there is an emergency surgery coming up, operating room number seven. Lidia Petrovna is being discharged from the hospital today. Surgeon took a look at Lidia Petrovna as if was letting her know: «We haven’t finished the conversation yet but won’t see each other again. Fair well…» When he touched the door handle he heard:
– Don’t worry about her, in a year she will be pregnant and the delivery will go good. You did more then you could, she should thank you for that. I wish you good luck and happiness…
When the door was closing, Svetlana shook a couple of times and moaned. She saw a car accident in front of her eyes, every moment that took place before the crash pressed on her again with a new effort and she could not cope with her powerless condition. She felt her palsy and didn’t know what to think about. Thoughts were mixed together and what she had heard was perceived as noise which disturbed her thinking process. What had happen created a lot of pressure and she still did not gain consciousness. Totally weak, Svetlana concentrated her will and sat at the bed, not opening her eyes and scaring the whole ward. She sat like that for a few minutes, then fell back on the pillow and could not feel anything. She felt herself high above the ground again. Feeling of freedom and lightness had left and she, looking at the earth from above, clearly saw herself as a small insignificant particle. It became uncomfortable that she always solved her own problems, not noticing other ones. This circumstance became burdensome and a thought came to mind: «I need to change drastically! For so many years I thought about a baby and could not notice anything else around! As a result to loose an opportunity to ever have another child»! Sveta didn’t think about how difficult it would be to live. The dream had left by itself, to nowhere, as if never existed! She lived in her own world for many years – in the world of that dream?! How to come back? The soap bubble, in which she was flying, blew! When the eyes open how to take a look at the world?! Svetlana started to fell down quickly again but this time she didn’t experience fear and thought: «If I start to live in a different way and be more caring, only then I shall receive what I want! I need to give people what they aspire, then I would get their kindness back…»
After Svetlana opened her eyes she saw her ward in the moonlight and patients getting a good quality sleep. She wasn’t surprised to see that everything was white: walls, sheets, her own clothing. She did not want to stand up but it was necessary, so she sat at the bed slowly, feeling a strong head ache and cramps in the stomach. Head was spinning but not too much. She wanted to eat and to drink but it was enormously difficult to stand up. Sveta squeezed teeth and slowly moved one foot down, waited for some time, got herself together and moved down another one. Head started to spin more and her first intention was to lie down, but instead of that she gathered all her strength and stood up abruptly. She was shaking and felt a strong nausea and she could not understand how she made it to the door. Only when the light in the hall made her close eyes, Svetlana got herself together, felt a strong weakness in feet and rushed to sit at the chair which stood near the ward.
– How are you feeling? – concerned nurse ran to her.
– Where is the bathroom? Could you show me?
Sveta stood up and shook vigorously, so the nurse – a tall, attractive lady dressed in white robe- slowly walked her down the hall, giving support and saying quietly:
– You need to eat a little and remain in bed to get better faster.
– What happen to me? – asked Sveta at the exit, holding to the nurse.
– Nothing serious – your spleen was ruptured. It is just that you became very weak, so you need to lie in bed…
Svetlana was swallowing fish soup, in which she could see fish bones, with an effort. Warm compote with a piece of black bread could not heat her up, and she, as she thought, drained, felt confidently. Inner strengths, coming out of the depths of senses, provided support. She saw herself in the different world which was nothing like her past life. One thing was especially amazing: before the accident so many things bothered her, and all at once she was free from it all! Everything disappeared! Even feelings, opinions had changed so after some thinking Svetlana said:
– Unbelievable, feels like I am alive again!
– What do you mean? – asked the nurse and covered Sveta with blanket. She did not answer and asked absolutely calmly:
– Can I speak with the surgeon who was operating me?
– Yes, his name is Eugeni Dmitrievich; he is a head of the ward. Tomorrow during the rotations he will surely visit you.
When the light in the ward was turned off, Sveta did not close eyes for a long time. She was not thinking of anything, it was just interesting for her to watch people sleep, to look in the window and watch the stars. She didn’t notice the beauty of this world before, living somewhere deep inside herself. «That means that I was depressed from that, – Sveta thought. – Unbelievable that I could not see all that. Probably I was not paying attention». She sensed that now thoughts have no control over her, nothing irritates her or provokes any feelings. Not so long ago thoughts were pressing her, made her loose control. In many occasions she could not be responsible under that burden, committing various absurdities- those wrong steps which all together had lead to the complicated circumstances.
Sveta closed her eyes and tried to deliberate as before, however instead of that she said to herself: «How silly it is even to think of that. Everything scary left, it is all new now. I need to get accused to that and to the…» Then her speech came to the end: sweet dreams took her away; she could not resist them and fell asleep right away.
IV
– Sit down! Why are you still standing up?!
Doctor pushed Max rather forcefully to the chair standing behind. Head started to spin more. Doctor was saying something else and taking notes, while Max replied and thought: «Probably the x-ray is bad, turns out I was not supposed to stand up and I kept walking for almost two days…» It was unbearable to be in the hospital and the head was spinning like the globe. Everything inside tortured with exacting pain, it was painful even to sit; weakness overpowered and he could not even stand up. Then Maxim leaned head to the wall and sat like that in the dormant condition, unexplainable to him.
Within various pictures that was crossing his mind, he saw his mother again. Max was always amazed by her beauty: short curly hair, high forehead, big eyes with penetrating look, serious facial expression, firm and sincere confidence in all her actions – all of that made him admire her. What was the most amazing is that from the outside it was not possible to understand her affluent inner world. No matter what she was saying or doing, to understand and acknowledge what she really intent to imply or perform was not possible immediately. Only after some time under the influence of new circumstances Max was able to perceive true motives of her behavior: "Everything that I hear or see, that is just my assumptions, not justified by anything! To understand and learn the genuine meaning, decipher and think over the rest is an unmanageable task, so there is no point in trying to do that till time is right".
Someone took his hand and Max, with an incredible effort, lifted his head from the wall keeping it straight. Then, with the same effort, overcoming his inner pain, Max opened eyes. Only after some time he realized that the person standing in front of him and looking at him with astonishment, was his father, Vaniamin Leonidovich. Head became very heavy, so Max put it down to the wall and closed his eyes. He overheard his father talking to the doctor, to be more specific, raising his voice at him. Then father took him by the hand again and said: «Sit down, son, I will be right back, just don’t stand up, ok!?» Instead of giving an answer, Max bubbled something unclear, and kept sitting in the same position and thinking of his dad. He enjoyed communication with him more then with anyone else. Maxim felt invisible connection with this wonderful person. He was tall, had dark fair hair and clear eyes that seemed to understand everything. Sun admired his father and his admiration had no limit! Father meant everything to the young man, and he constantly felt necessity to communicate with him. Even when they just had a small talk or kept silence, Мaxim always felt that they are organic whole! Not to see each other for a long time – it is wrong and miserable. Every time when his father was missing but his presence was essential, Maxim could always sense their companionship, as if he really was giving advice what action is better to take. Max always did his best to find time for his parent, help him with something, learn something from him, or just to stay near. He also believed that the strength of his Heavenly father and his own strength unite at the right time. No matter what Max was doing, he felt: «Someone is helping me! Even doing it for me! Of course, it is a Heavenly father…»
Maxim was lifted and carried away by the armpits. He did not care much where he was being taken to, because he heard his dad saying:
– Could it be that serious?!
He heard anxiety in his voice. That happened quite rarely, nothing seemed to cause him to loose control and that intimidated Maxim.
– The bone fracture is not an opened one, so he got lucky! But when I found out that he was walking for a couple of days and even made it to the hospital by himself, I became frustrated and surprised.
– What did frustrate you so much? – Veniamin Leonidovich asked. That was the same question that Maxim wanted to ask but couldn’t.
– If he did not come here today then his bone would break and tendons would break. He would never be able to walk satisfactory. In the best scenario he would be lifting and in the worst, would not be able to step on the foot.
Maxim was sat on the chair and somebody covered his head with the cold, wet towel. Fever was leaving and Max opened eyes and saw his foot, from which shoe was already taken off and the trouser leg was lifted up to the knee. The leg had a strange dark color and seemed to be a little swallowed.
– Does it hurt or not? – asked the doctor while pressing on the left ankle. Patient did not reply because he was lifted from the chair with unbearable pain. Tears ran from eyes. Maxim flexed his leg abruptly and touched the floor so that the foot appeared under the chair. Maxim bent from pain and almost fell from the chair but his dad grabbed him. All strengths were spent at the struggle with pain in the leg and in the whole body. Doctor was setting the leg free from the chair for a while and then applied the gypsum.
– He should not be stepping on his foot and stay in bed for at least two weeks. Standing up is aloud only to go to bathroom or to have meals. The room should be aerated frequently.
– Yes of course, I will keep an eye on him.
– I wonder why is he so weak?
– He recently went thought a surgery and did not get strengths back, on top of that kept on walking for a couple of days with the fracture.
– Is the pressure tolerant? – doctor asked Max.
Maxim saw gypsum on his leg shaped like a boot but did not feel any pressure. It seemed like the leg was just bandaged.
– No, everything is fine – he replied and after attempting to lift a leg added: – It is just very heavy.
– You will do fine, – doctor smiled and then replied, – stay in bed more. I gave instructions to Valentin Leonodovich so he would be able to explain you everything.
– Good – bye, – said Max.
When Max and his father were sitting in the car they kept silence for a long time, sadly watched people passing behind the window, leaves falling, and the wind rocking the trees. Maxim felt that his father was very disappointed and did not know how to start a conversation. Only after some time, when it became dark outside he started the car and asked:
– How did that happened son?
– I slipped on the hospital porch; it was covered with snow from the early morning.
– But it is not slippery, – dad didn’t understand him.
– It was warm yesterday and snow melted down but in the morning everything got frozen. So the porch and the stairs were totally covered with ice.
– That happened yesterday and you came to the hospital only.
– I thought it hurts because I hit it. I had no clue that it is possible to break a bone like that.
Dad didn’t reply and they kept quiet. Maxim had a feeling that they were thinking about the same problem: how to tell it to the mother and not get her upset? Gypsum can’t be removed and there is very little point in that action. However, there was a way to make her feel better about the situation.
– Will you make it home by yourself? – Dad asked quietly, stopping the car near the house.
– Of course, I can make it to the first floor.
– I shall park the car and come over.
– Ok.
Max’s sister was sitting near him for a long time and could not believe what had happened; her facial expression changed when she touched the gypsum and asked:
– Does your leg hurt? Do you feel yourself ok?
Maxim felt sleepy. Lying on the couch, he was giving one word answers or did not replied; however, his sister did not pay attention to that. She brought some water and kept her hands on the brother’s head for a long time, as if checking temperature. Nothing seemed suspicious to her and she kept on exploring the gypsum.
– How are you doing Irina? – asked Max and looked at her, opening eyes with a huge effort. He loved his sister dearly and always helped her with everything: gave advice, helped with homework and took her places. She addressed him with various questions on the regular bases, questions she could not even address to the mother, so personal they were. Her blond, almost white hair was turning darker with years; they used to be curly but now straightened, and only unruly locks at the roots reminded of the curls. Blue eyes were getting more bright and intensive and when she was worried. She tried to hide her worries but Maxim could always tell it by her eyes if his sister needed help and asked about the problem. There was not a single situation when he was not there for her. Even when he had no time or the problem was manageable for the little girl, he still was leaving everything behind and gave her a hand. So now, feeling his sister worried, Max realized that his broken bone gave her more reasons to worry.
– The teacher was taken away today by the ambulance!
Tear ran from her eye and slowly rolled down the cheek.
– Please understand that we all shall die at one day. There is no reason for tears, we need to live further, help each other, no matter how hard it is. – Maxim had to close eyes again – weakness overwhelmed him.
– Can she die? She is so young!
– Unfortunately there is a possibility but you need to take it easy, understand??
– I shall try, but it is hard.
After some time, she calmed down.
– Everything in life is difficult. When you do something you say that it was very easy and wonder why you did not do it before. Am I right?
The door bell rang and she rushed to open the door for the father.
– Where is mom? – He was surprised.
– At the neighbor’s place. They made arrangements last night.
– So she hasn’t seen Maxim yet?
– Not yet. She will be here soon it is ten pm now.
They were sitting on the couch in the living room near Maxim and talked lively, waiting for mom to get home. Father even managed to make sister laugh and lift her spirits. Occupied by conversation, they did not notice how mother came in. She froze and silently looked at the lying son. Maxim felt her stare and realized that it was her. Father and sister ceased talking and waited for the reaction.
– Hmmm seems like we will have unusual New Year celebration! Great! Dear, tell me how did that happened?!
Maxim understood that mom was in a good mood and did not know what to say.
– Fell down the stair steps, – it was everything he could say.
– Does your head hurt?
– No!
– No problem then! – She replied and left to the kitchen:
– Let’s have some tea. I brought a cake.
– I shall pass, – Max said and returned to rest. After some time, he heard jingling of the tea pot, clinks of tea cups and happy voices of the relatives. Not having time to think of anything, Max fell asleep immediately.