CHAPTER IX
FOOLING MR. FOX
It was fully ten minutes before Mr. Bunny brought the conversation with his wife to a close, and then she hopped away as if very angry, looking over her shoulder now and then at him as he jumped up on the log again.
"Yes, that is Mrs. Bunny," he said with a sigh, as he stroked his whiskers thoughtfully. "Do you know, that foolish rabbit thinks I'm wasting my time, sitting here telling you stories about the club members, because she wanted me to run over to Mr. Man's farm for more young carrots. Upon my word I'm almost ashamed to call on him so often; it really seems as if I, and other members of the Rabbit family, had gathered more than half his crop already, and surely he ought to have a few after he has spent so much time planting them for us and his boy Tommy has very nearly broken his back at the weeding.
"There isn't the least little bit of danger in running over there, especially if he has gone out with Towser, as she said, and I asked why it was that a big fellow like Sonny Bunny couldn't go after a few carrots when his father had other business on hand. Then, if you'll believe it, she almost the same as accused me of being willing to send Sonny into danger because I was afraid to go myself, and I the very rabbit who killed Grandfather Fox!
"Well, I didn't really put him out of the world with my own paws; but I led him into a trap where Mr. Man found him later, and if that isn't the same as killing him I'd like to know what it is? Mrs. Bunny is forever wanting carrots; if her head aches, there's nothing to be done but get young carrots, when they're in season, I mean. If she gets nervous about Sonny Bunny, then the only thing to straighten her out is a bunch of carrots, and so it goes on all the time, till I'm actually worn down to skin and bones ministering to her whims.
"How did I kill Grandfather Fox? That's a long story; but I'll tell it to you as soon as I finish with Jimmy Hedgehog's narrow escape, and surely he did have the slimmest squeak for his life that ever any animal had! When Mr. Man's gun went off at the very minute Jimmy jumped, I thought for certain he was a gone hedgehog, and was wondering whether I couldn't get Mr. Crow to go and break the news to his family; but a minute later I saw the bushes waving furiously over by the stone wall. Then I looked around for the dead body, and so did Mr. Man, but it wasn't there. 'Cause why? 'Cause Jimmy wasn't anywhere near dead.
"How Mr. Man did scold because he didn't find any hedgehog lying around loose! He blamed it on the gun; then he declared that it was all owing to old Mr. Crow, and vowed he'd spend the rest of the week hunting for the president of the club, just because he had warned Jimmy. Well, he might hunt two weeks for Mr. Crow, and unless he came upon him when the old fellow was asleep, I'll answer for it he couldn't kill him, for the president of our club is always wide awake.
"Do you know, I've seen Mr. Man, his boy Tommy, and two of the servants, out looking for that same old crow, and shooting off their guns till you'd thought it was Fourth of July, and yet never a single tail feather belonging to Mr. Crow was rumpled. When you catch Mr. Weasel asleep you may kill that bird; but not before.
"Of course, when I saw that Jimmy had got away I started off after him, for it wasn't pleasant to stay there while Mr. Man was in such a rage, because he might try to get even with me on account of the carrots, so off I toddled, taking precious good care to keep under cover all the while, till I came to the big oak, and there was Jimmy, washing his face. I can't make out how he succeeds in doing it without nearly killing himself with the quills that stick up all over his body.
"'He never touched me!' Jimmy said with a grin, when he saw me, and I thought that was a good time to read him a lecture on the wicked folly of being so careless when he knew as well as I do that everybody on the farm is ready to kill one of the Hedgehog family, though why people should be so down on Jimmy's folks I can't make out, for they mind their business as a general rule.
"'You needn't talk to me,' Jimmy said before I'd more than half spoken what was in my mind. 'After that jump of mine I'll back myself against the whole farm gang.'
"'But you'd have stood there like a silly till your head was shot off if it hadn't been for Mr. Crow,' I said, just a bit provoked because Jimmy seemed to take all the credit of the escape to himself.
"'How do you know?' he asked, speaking as pert as ever did Cheeko. 'You can't tell, but I was getting ready to jump at the very minute Mr. Crow came sailing around, as if he'd gone crazy.'
"Now what do you think of such talk as that from a fellow who had barely pulled through by the skin of his teeth? I didn't waste any more time on him, but walked off, and then was the time that I killed Grandfather Fox. You see the old fellow had been after my scalp more times than I've got claws on my paws, and it so happened that I always gave him the slip without trying very hard; but Mrs. Bunny had said to me over and over again:
"'Don't crow, Bunny; at least, don't crow so loud. Don't you know that pride goeth before a fall? Some day you'll meet Grandfather Fox where he'll have the best of it, and then Sonny will be without a father.'
"I made believe laugh, when Mrs. Bunny said such things, but 'way down in my heart I was frightened, for it stood to reason that I couldn't always expect to come off best when I ran up against an old villain like him. But what could I do? You wouldn't expect that I'd stay at home every minute just because of being scared. Why, everybody in the big woods would be laughing at me worse than ever; they say now that I'm afraid of my own shadow, but it isn't true, as any one who ever saw me dancing in the moonlight can testify. Besides, it is my business as the head of the family to do the marketing, and if I laid at home snug Mrs. Bunny and Sonny would stand a chance of starving to death.
"You can put it down in your hat that I was mighty cautious, however, whenever I went out, for I said to myself that if Grandfather Fox ever got his teeth into my back it wouldn't be owing to my own carelessness.
"Well, as I was saying, I walked away when Jimmy Hedgehog began to make so much foolish talk, and just for the moment had forgotten all about that miserable fox, when whom should I see staring straight at me but the old fellow himself, and by the way he was licking his chops I knew he felt certain I was his meat at last. But the matter wasn't settled by considerable, for he was on one side of a barbed-wire fence and I on the other, so there was something to be done before he could put me into a pie.
"You can make up your mind that I did a power of thinking in a few seconds, and even if I am just the least little bit cowardly when it comes to fighting, I'm a master hand at finding my way out of a bad scrape. That very morning I had seen Mr. Man and his boy Tommy setting a big steel trap down at the edge of the swamp on the very side of the fence I then was, and it seemed to me as if it might do me a world of good just at that time.
"'Good-morning, Grandfather,' I said, mild as milk, and staring at the wicked old fellow as if he were the best friend a lone rabbit could possibly have.
"'How well you look, Bunny,' he said, opening his mouth till I could see every tooth he had, and knew he was longing to stick them into me. 'I don't believe I ever saw a prettier coat than the one you have on. There was a time, after you had met the 'Squire, when it was rather ragged.'
"'I've had it mended since then,' and I laughed as if believing he had said something terribly funny, for, even if I'm not the bravest animal in the world, I wouldn't let a mangy old fox think I was afraid of him, no matter how scared I might be.
"'You and I haven't been very good friends in the past; but it isn't too late to change all that,' and he came close up to the fence as he spoke, while I looked over my shoulder to see that the way was clear for running, as I said:
"'I've always been busy when you wanted a chat; but now that we're on the opposite sides of a fence, and the barbs on the wires are mighty sharp, there's no reason why we shouldn't get better acquainted.'
"'That's what I would like,' and he grinned till I could see half-way down his throat. 'The only trouble is that I've got a dreadful cold, and it tears me all to pieces to speak loudly enough for you to hear. Why not come on this side, or wait till I can get over on that, and then we can talk at our leisure?'
"'That's what I'd like to do,' and I shook my ears in a way such as I knew provoked him; 'but Mrs. Bunny says that colds are catching, and I wouldn't like to run the chances of taking yours.'
"Then he wrinkled up his nose as he looked around to find a way to jump at me without taking the risk of getting torn pretty near to pieces on the barbs, and don't forget that I kept my ears moving mighty fast, for there was no telling when my legs would be needed to save my skin. It wasn't many seconds before I saw his tail begin to swing from one side to the other, and I knew he'd made up some plan in his mind, so I said free and easy like, but keeping my eye on the path all the while:
"'I know you'd like to have me stay with you longer, Grandfather Fox, but we're expecting company at our house to-night, and I must be moving, else Mrs. Bunny will begin to think I've fallen in with rogues. Perhaps when we meet again I'll have more time.'
"Then I started off limperty, limperty, limp, as if I weren't in any very great hurry, and the old fellow trotted along on the other side of the fence, watching out sharp for a chance to get through.
"It wasn't a great while before we came to where one of the wires had been broken, and I knew that it was up to me to show how fast we rabbits could run, for he came through with a rush, as he snarled:
"'I reckon you'd better go home with me this time, Bunny. It so happens that my wife is expecting company, too, and she is needing a fat rabbit like you for dinner.'
"It would really have done your heart good if you could have seen how I skipped over the ground, with that red-mouthed old fellow so close behind that his breath actually ruffled the fur on my back. Just for a minute I began to think that I had taken too many chances, and would really go home with the villain, for one of his strides was equal to three or four of mine, and he was putting in his best licks, as I knew only too well, having been chased by him many a time before.
"Then, and it wasn't any too soon, I can tell you, we came to the clump of bushes where I knew Mr. Man and his boy Tommy had hidden the trap, and you'd better believe I gathered my legs under me for the jump of my life, for if I made a mistake then I was done for, sure.
"You'd thought I had wings by the way I went up into the air, counting on striking the bushes near the top so's not to get caught, and as luck would have it, I hit the mark just right. Over I went quick as a shot, and in a jiffy I'd doubled back, getting under cover at the very moment when Grandfather Fox tried the jump.
"The old fellow wasn't as spry on his feet as he had been the last time we had a race, and when he came down, instead of clearing the bushes as I had done, he flopped right down into the middle of them. I heard a sharp click, and then such a howl as never was in the big woods before. Grandfather Fox had landed exactly where I counted he would!" and Bunny Rabbit rocked to and fro on the log, hugging his knees with his fore paws, laughing until it was absolutely impossible for him to continue his story for several minutes.
CHAPTER X
BOBBY COON'S TRICK
Mr. Bunny Rabbit laughed so long and so hard as he thought of how he had outwitted Grandfather Fox that it really seemed necessary to pat him vigorously on the back lest he should strangle and then two or three minutes more were wasted as he coughed and choked.
When this last spasm was at an end he wiped his eyes with the tips of his ears, as he said in an apologetic tone:
"I really couldn't help it, you know. To think that Grandfather Fox had chased me three or four times a year since I was old enough to run by myself, and that at last I should lead him into a trap from which he couldn't get out!"
Again Bunny gave way to his mirth, and for a time it really seemed as if the story never would be ended; but he finally drew his face down soberly, wiped his eyes again, and said, as he continued to rock back and forth with his knees in his paws:
"When I heard the old fellow yelping the way he never did before, I knew there wasn't any chance of his getting out of the trap, else he wouldn't have made such a terrible row for fear of letting Mr. Man know where he was, so I came out where he could see me, and oh, how ugly he did look!
"'So this is the mean kind of trick you fixed up to play on a poor old fox who never did you any harm?' he said with a whine, trying to look as if he'd always been a friend of mine.
"'You never did me any harm, Grandfather, because you couldn't catch me; but if you'd got your teeth in my back after coming across the fence, I reckon there isn't any question but that I'd been introduced to the company your wife has at home,' I said, keeping my ears bent over my back so's to get the first warning of when Mr. Man or his boy Tommy came up, as I know they would after a little while.
"'I was only trying to fool you, Bunny,' and the old fellow did his best to grin friendly-like. 'Can't you take a bit of a joke from one who has known you almost ever since you were born? I knew your father before you, and a right respectable rabbit he was.'
"'I suppose that was why you ate him!' I cried, suddenly remembering that it was this same old wretch who had eaten daddy. 'Most likely you tried to make out that he was a particular friend of yours, and that's why you did it.'
"'Was it your father I ate?' asked Grandfather Fox as if in surprise. 'Really you make me feel badly, Bunny, for I wouldn't hurt a single hair on the head of anybody belonging to you, and you ought to know that much by this time.'
"He didn't fool me a little bit, for I knew mighty well he would snap my nose off that very minute if I should be so foolish as to give him the chance.
"'Why don't you try to tell the truth for once in your life?' I asked, and before he could answer I heard somebody coming through the bushes, making as much noise as an elephant – that is, I reckon an elephant would raise just about such a racket, though I never saw one, but Mr. Crow told me all about 'em. He says he's seen more'n a million in his day, and I wouldn't wonder if that was the truth.
"It don't make any difference how much noise was being made; it was time for me to show Grandfather Fox my heels – that I knew without being told more than once, so off I went, moving mighty softly, for I didn't count on letting Mr. Man get his hands on me till after I'd had the pleasure of seeing that old fox's skin nailed on the side of the barn, and even then it's safe to say I'd keep my weather eye lifting pretty lively for danger, on account of Sonny Bunny if nothing more.
"After getting so far away that it didn't seem as if there could be any danger, I hid snug in a bush and waited. It wasn't many minutes before I heard the noise of a gun, and then I said that the end of Grandfather Fox was come; but I couldn't seem to make up my mind to go home and tell Mrs. Bunny the good news till I'd seen his skin on the barn, and we knew there wasn't the least bit of a chance he could come to life, so off I went limperty, limperty, limp, not going so fast but that I'd be sure to hear if any of the farm people were nosing about, when whom should I come plump up against but the president himself, hiding among the leaves as if he'd joined the Fur section of the club.
"'What in the name of goodness are you doing down here on the ground, Mr. Crow?' I asked, and you'd better believe I was surprised.
"'Didn't you ever hear of a bird's scratching around for something to eat, Mr. Rabbit?' he asked, cocking one eye up at me in the queerest kind of way.
"'But you were regularly hiding, Mr. Crow!' I cried, and do you know, that mixed him up so much that if there hadn't been feathers on his head I really believe you could have seen that he was blushing.
"'Well, to tell the truth, I was watching Mr. Man,' he said after a while, and that made me more surprised than ever, so I asked:
"'Why mightn't you do that better in a tree, sir? If I could fly as you can, and wanted to see what was going on, you can wager all the doughnuts Mrs. Man ever fried that I'd be up high in the air, where it would be possible to see what was going on without stretching my neck out of shape.'
"'As a rule I should do the same thing, Mr. Bunny; but, although I'm really ashamed to admit it, this is one of the days when I'm afraid of Mr. Man's gun. Now I wouldn't have you tell that to any living creature; but somehow, the sight of his gun sent the cold chills down every feather on my body. He's out for business this afternoon, and when I came across him he was carrying Bobby Coon by the tail, which shows he's ready to kill anything and everything that comes his way.'
"'Poor Mr. Coon!' I cried, and I felt mighty sorry, for Bobby and I had always been good friends, though I must admit that he has some habits of which I don't approve. 'Do you know how he happened to play in such hard luck, Mr. Crow?'
"'I didn't see the murder done; it was all finished when I flew just over Mr. Man's head, not knowing he was so near, because at the time my mind was roaming across the seas where I've spent so many happy days! He fired at me quicker than you could wag your ear, and I heard the shot whistling about my head until I got real nervous. Do you happen to know what he was up to a few minutes ago?'
"Then I told the president all that had happened from the time Grandfather Fox met me and he said, when I had finished the story:
"'I've always claimed, Bunny, that you're not as big a fool as you look, and you can prove it by going straight home instead of hanging around here, where you're in danger, simply for the satisfaction of seeing Mr. Fox's skin nailed up on the barn. Besides, it'll take Mr. Man a good hour to do the job as it should be done.'
"'Why don't you take your own advice, Mr. Crow?' I asked, and he replied with a flirt of his tail:
"'That's just what I'm about to do, Mr. Bunny. I only stopped here to see what Mr. Man was going to do with poor Bobby Coon, but there's no more sense in my doing that than there is for you to wait for the funeral of Grandfather Fox. I'm right glad he's dead, even though he never killed any of my relatives; but if I had a young family where a fox could get at them I shouldn't feel easy in mind a single minute when he was around, although I've heard said that the crows are not what you might call real good eating.'
"Then Mr. Crow stepped out into the open, where he could have a fair chance to raise his wings and off he sailed without a single 'caw,' which shows how nervous he really was.
"Well, I began to turn about, smelling the safest way home, for what Mr. Crow had said gave me the idea that perhaps I was foolish to spend my time so near the farm, especially when I could come before anybody was stirring next morning to see Grandfather Fox's skin, and just at the very minute I had hunched myself to jump who should come ambling along but Bobby Coon.
"You can't think what a start it gave me to see him after the president of our club had said he was dead! If he hadn't called in a way that would have been very unnatural for a dead coon it isn't certain I'd stayed to meet him. I was afraid it was nothing but his ghost I saw.
"'What is scaring you, Bunny? Don't you know me?'
"'Mr. Crow just told me you were dead; that he had seen Mr. Man carrying you home by the tail,' I said as soon as I could gather my wits and much to my surprise Bobby said, as if it was something that happened to him regularly:
"'That's just what Mr. Man was doing, Bunny, and I reckon he thought I was dead, all right. I'll tell you how it happened: I was asleep on a big branch that happened to grow near the ground, never dreaming there could be any danger, because I was in the very middle of the big woods, when Mr. Man came along and at the very moment I awakened he hit me a clip with the end of his gun. I had sense enough to understand that there wasn't any chance to get away then, and instead of trying to run I fell plump on the ground, lying there as if the breath had been entirely knocked out of my body, which came near being the truth on account of the fall – the clip he gave me wouldn't have killed a flea. Well, for all Mr. Man is so big he's considerable of a fool and without stopping to see if I were really dead he picked me up by the tail, walking off as if he had done something very brave.'
"Bobby stopped talking then, as if he had told the whole of his story, but I asked:
"'Did you wiggle out of his hands?'
"'There was no chance to do anything like that, Bunny, for he had wound my tail around two of his fingers till I thought certain he'd pull it out by the roots; but I had to bear the pain without grinning, and I hung wabbly-like, as a dead coon would, till we came to where Grandfather Fox was caught in a trap and then Mr. Man let out a yell as if he had just found a long-lost brother. Coons didn't amount to very much just then, when there was a fox skin to be taken that would bring in ten dollars or more, and down I was dropped so that Mr. Man could gather in the fur. I waited till I saw he had got well started at the work, and then off I sneaked. If it hadn't been for falling out of the tree, and having my tail twisted in such an ungentlemanly manner, I'd be as good as new. The wood folk can talk about never catching a weasel asleep; but I tell you it's a pretty cold day when any of the people from the farm can get the best of Brother Coon, unless they shoot him down before he's had a chance to show them some of his tricks.'
"Then Bobby chuckled and grinned as if he had done something wonderfully smart, and I'm not saying that he didn't; but I wanted him to know that if it hadn't been for my chucking Grandfather Fox into the trap he might not have come off so easy, and began to tell the story, beginning at the very first so's he'd know that some folks in the big woods were just as smart as the Coon family.
"I hadn't got into the thrilling part of it when suddenly I heard the sound of somebody's coming through the bushes, and before I could open my mouth to yell, who should show himself but that miserable dog Towser! Frightened! I was so scared that for five seconds I never raised a paw, and then, just as Bobby was ambling away at the best speed he could make, I came to myself.
"Oh me! oh my! how I did run! Instead of following Bobby, as I hoped Towser would, although I never had any grudge against a coon, what should that beast of a dog do but take after me, and I was so mixed up that I didn't know which way to turn; but kept my nose pointed in the same direction it was when I started."
Bunny ceased speaking very suddenly, sitting there motionless, gazing at the ferns which were being swayed to and fro by the gentle breeze, and it seemed best to wait until he was in the mood to continue, for it was only natural that his thoughts should be unpleasant as he contemplated the treachery of Towser in thus taking by surprise himself and Bobby Coon.