CHAPTER IX.
STRUGGLES
Allerton Court has been in our family since the days of the Tudors. How the careless scapegrace Egertons kept it so long I cannot imagine; chiefly, I believe, by the sacrifice of larger and more valuable estates elsewhere. Its present possessor, my half brother, was a very different person from his predecessors. My father succeeded to an impoverished title at an early age, and soon after attaining his majority, married a wealthy city heiress, who, finding herself uneasy and misplaced in fashionable life, imagined she was disgusted with the world and its frivolities, and gave herself up for the remainder of her "sojourn here below" to quacks, spiritual, and medical. Poor woman! I believe she sincerely wished to do right, and with this view brought up her son under an amount of religious pressure that reduced him to the adamantine condition I have before hinted at. No doubt the various patent pills and powders she was in the habit of administering to him, had their share in producing the curious dormant state of his physical and mental powers. Altogether, Egerton was a problem I never dreamt of solving, and now that he had suddenly acquired interest in my eyes, I blushed at the thought of asking his brotherly assistance to settle my affairs into marriageable shape, almost as deeply as at the idea of begging from a stranger.
My father remained unmarried for nearly two years after the death of his first wife, and their son must have been nineteen when the bright eyes and graceful manners of Lady Mary De Burgh captivated the disconsolate widower, still young and handsome enough to please the fancy and interest the heart of a girl, only some few months older than his heir. I have but slight recollection of my mother. I was the youngest, and she did not survive my birth more than three years; both my sister and myself were extremely like her, and adored by my father, who never could, even in his childhood, caress so rigidly orthodox a young gentleman as his eldest son. Egerton was a thing apart, and belonged to his country and the peerage; but we were the darlings of his heart; spoiled children, reared in luxury and indulgence. How well I remember the bitter and passionate grief with which I received the intelligence of his death, and the choking sobs that interrupted my reproaches to Egerton, for not sending for me in time to let me hear his voice once more, feeling that every unconscious game of cricket in which I had joined while he lay struggling between life and death was an unnatural piece of levity, unpardonable!
All this passed over soon, and my life was happy enough, but Mary used often to look sad, and was very glad to marry Wentworth, though he was a good deal older than herself. The large fortune my father's first wife brought him was, of course, settled on her children, so Mary and I had but the slender portions usually allotted to the younger Egertons, but mine was doubled by her husband's refusal to accept hers.
This is more than I meant to have stated about myself, but it was necessary to show my position.
A cold raw damp November day, with occasional dashes of heavy rain, the leafless trees bending before the sudden gusts of wind that accompanied them; and every object ten yards off shrouded in a dark fog that seemed to blend heaven and earth in one equable gloom. I shivered as I drew up the windows of the cab into which I had thrown myself at the railway station, near Allerton, observing how strongly the conveyance appeared to partake of the general humidity. The avenue seemed interminable; and when at length my humble vehicle drew up before the portico, I received the pleasing intelligence, "my Lord is not at home, Captain Egerton, but will you please to walk in?"
"Why, yes! I intend stopping here for the night; and, Barnard, get me some mulled port, will you, lots of spice, and hot as the Devil."
"Yes, sir," said the Butler, with a slight shudder at the profanity. By the time I had roused the slumbering fire into a blaze, the house steward, an old retainer, entered with the wine, and respectfully congratulated me on my recovery; a few mutual enquiries followed, during which I could not help smiling to myself at the formal tone I felt compelled to adopt towards the grave old man who had known my boyhood; nothing would be too familiar with Mrs. O'Toole, but the stern Saxon nature demands a degree of reserve in their superiors, and would resent any freedom as something derogatory to both. The coldness between English masters and servants is quite as much the fault of the latter as the former, and so it must be while the Anglo-Saxon race exists; anything demonstrative is terribly out of place with them. Il ne faut jamais faire agir un homme dans un sens different de son caractère.
"My Lord takes the chair at a meeting of the Society for converting the Jews at – to-day, sir, but he will return to dinner," said my informant, as he made his parting bow and retired.
"Heaven send my worthy brother may follow up the object of the meeting by converting Messrs. Levi and Co. from creditors into non-claimants, as well as all the other errors of their ways," was my mental ejaculation as I betook myself to the Record and its advertisements for pious footmen, and not sober, but serious cooks, as an escape from my own thoughts.
Egerton returned to dinner, bringing with him two sleek white neckcloth'd straight-haired gentlemen; "the deputation," he informed me, from the "Parent Society."
My brother received me very graciously, and remarking that I still looked indifferent after my illness, regretted I was not in time to attend the meeting to hear the reverend "somebody" hold forth. "Captain Egerton," said he, during one of the pauses in our repast, noticing, perhaps, something of carnal impatience in the glances of the Reverend J. E. Black towards the door, for the appearance of the next entrée, "Captain Egerton has been, and is quartered at Carrington; did you not reside there, or in its neighbourhood?"
"Yes, my Lord," replied the son of the "Parent Society;" "I had for some time a wide field of labour at A – ."
This individual was a tall man, inclined to embonpoint, with heavy features, a large hooked nose, a thick sensual under lip, and a tuft of straight coarse hair at each side of his face.
"At A – ," said I, glad to exchange a word with any one about a place so endeared to me; "I was there two days ago. Did you know a Mr. Winter, of Abbey Gardens? I am indebted to the kindness and care of him and his wife for my existence."
"Under Providence," he suggested, in a mild sugary voice, which, with a perpetual placid smile, characterised the revd. gentleman; his manner, too, was extremely courteous, almost well-bred, though one could not help perceiving a something lurking below, like the odour of cigars, when you endeavour to overpower it with mille fleurs or eau de miel.
"Of course, of course," said I.
"I was not personally acquainted with him," he observed, "but from his repute I fear he is not a Christian."
"Well, at least he is a good Samaritan," I replied.
"My brother is a military man, you know, my dear sir," observed Lord Egerton, and he sighed.
"Come, Egerton," said I, "although we may not be as good as we ought, we are not so bad after all."
"Indeed, my Lord, there is a little more light in the army than formerly," said his revd. friend, "when I was a soldier their state of darkness was awful!"
"Pray, sir, may I ask you how you managed to grope your way out of it," I enquired.
Thoughtless as I then was, I felt shocked at the profane familiarity with sacred things evinced by his reply, nor will I record it. I noticed merely his hint of having been a soldier, and made a few languid enquiries as to his Regiment, &c. But Egerton and the other clerico soon plunged into discussion of things and people incomprehensible and unknown to me; their occasional awkward attempts to change or rather descend to topics more congenial to their unregenerate companion, conveying the pleasant notion that they looked upon me as a hawk in a dove cot, a wolf among lambs, but that they would endeavour to let me see they were not too proud of their superiority. Mr. Black indeed frequently turned to me, endeavouring to suit his conversation to my depraved taste, by repeating wretched anecdotes of various London notorieties. By the way, I generally observe your parvenu always appears to think a familiarity with steward and housekeeper's room on dits the most certain proof he can adduce of his own fitness for good society. I took a most unconquerable dislike to this blessed babe of the Parent Society, especially when I heard him descanting to Egerton as we sipped our coffee, on the sinfulness of dancing and the necessity of faith unadorned by works; nor was I the least surprised on hearing afterwards from Winter, that he fully carried out his principles in his practice, by leaving every thing to his faith, and dispensing with those more commonplace duties less privileged individuals consider binding; his poor wife, neglected and abused, sought safety in separation; and his sons, ground down by tyranny and injustice, being left to the unassisted care of that Providence with whose dispensation he was too pious to let parental anxieties interfere. But I am giving too much time to a man who annoyed me through a whole evening; there are not many like him I should hope. His companion, although tiresome, seemed a simple, straightforward person.
Never shall I forget that wretched evening: oppressed by the anticipation of the unpleasant conference before me, and feeling the difficulty of my task with Egerton more strongly, as every moment showed me the spirit of self-satisfied devoteeism with which my brother and his allies seemed to shut out the non-elect from all sympathy or affection.
There was a great deal of babble about the "Missionary cause," and advanced Christian and Evangelical views, and many more of the technical terms which made up their stock-in-trade; while my thoughts flew back to the real prayer I had heard poor Gilpin pour out when I lay, to all appearance, insensible, and hovering between life and death.
I felt disgusted to observe that sleek, shiny Black trying to catch Egerton with a dun (religious) hackle, while he baited a small hook with a red one (of what he would call fashionable small talk) for me: of the two, I preferred the latter, for although far from what I ought to be, nothing is so revolting to my taste as the attempt to force solemn subjects into the trivialities of commonplace conversation.
The longest and dreariest evening, and digression too, must come to an end: I pleaded the excuse of recent illness, and made my retreat, intimating to Egerton my wish for a private interview in the morning, to which he very readily assented.
I sat musing over my fire until my candle was nearly burnt out, contrasting in my mind the dreary trio I had just left with the pleasant, warmhearted, unaffected little circle, amongst whom I had so lately mingled, a favoured and indulged member – "These people live, and are happy: they lead no useless unemployed existence either; but if Egerton's is the road to Heaven, Dieu m'en preserve. Oh, what a strange perversity of fate to make me the younger brother. Egerton would have made such an admirable curate, and married the best dowered of his congregation; he looks upon the 'accessories' of his position as so many hindrances to his advance in holiness, while I! – How well my poor mother's diamond tiara would look on Kate Vernon's rich brown hair!"
I never thought I should feel so like a poltroon as I did when the library door closed on Egerton and myself. Never in the course of our lives had I asked or received a favour from him: not that any unkind feeling existed between us, but we had always been blanks to each other; and now to ask this frigid, pharisaical being, who so evidently thought there was a great gulf fixed between himself and the great mass of his fellow-creatures, to help me out of a scrape I ought never to have got into – to sympathise with my passionate admiration of a penniless girl!
"You wished to speak to me, Frederic?"
I may observe, Egerton was the only one I was ever intimate with who troubled himself to give me more than one syllable to my name.
"Yes, I have a great deal to accuse myself of, Egerton, but, in short, I am in a scrape, and I want you to do a brotherly act, and help me out of it."
This bold plunge seemed to startle my companion not a little, and he moved rather restlessly on his seat as he replied, "Indeed! if in my power to assist you, I trust I shall not be deficient in the performance of my duty, but remember, I cannot countenance the godless waste of means entrusted" —
"God knows I do not want to continue any useless expenditure," said I, "it is with the wish to become free from debt, to live 'cleanly and like a gentleman,' that I come to bore you with my affairs!"
"Every one smarting under the effects of their folly is ready to abjure it, but when the sting is removed, you can hardly answer for yourself," said his Lordship.
"No, but really I have not a single dissipated or extravagant taste; the more unpardonable, you will say, my getting ahead of my income; granted, yet you, living here in unbroken quiet, can hardly judge the force that habit acquires, when your only companions are a set of men whose occupation is spending, whose excitement is prodigality. It was the want of some better and deeper interest that threw me into expensive follies which I now regret; but, Egerton, I have some more certain guarantee to give for my permanent reformation than a mere desire to get rid of difficulties. I – there is a Miss – that is, I want to marry and settle."
"That alters the face of affairs; I shall be happy to do anything I can to forward this favourable arrangement; have you proposed in form? or ascertained the amount of the lady's fortune?"
I replied, laughing, "Yes and no, I have not proposed, and her fortune is like my own – a blank."
"Really, Frederic, there are no limits to the imprudence into which the impetuosity of a worldly and unchastened spirit hurry those lost to the knowledge of better things. I do not see how your marriage, with a penniless girl is to better your position in any point of view, temporal or spiritual."
"There is such a thing as awakening to better and purer affections," I replied, "more settled convictions or" —
"It is our duty to curb our affections, which are all depraved and sinful," interrupted Lord Egerton, "but to return to the point we started from; what is the scrape, as you term it? substituting, no doubt, a delusive jest to disguise the real colour of the transaction."
"Why really nothing more dreadful than is done every day;" and I told him of my bets and horses; of raising the wind through the means of his protegées, the Jews; of their renewal of bills at enormous interest, and the whole blood-sucking system; that my great object was to get free from their fangs, to cut the army, marry, and settle down somewhere as something, I did not know exactly what, but I had an idea of farming: this last was a happy stroke, I thought, for if Egerton really wants to make a good boy of me, now is his time; let him offer me one of his Devonshire farms, for I know that he purchased property there some years ago. He sat playing with his seals and chain, and looking confoundedly sour, longer than I could wait with any degree of patience; at last he said, in a discontented tone, "I suppose you want me to join you in raising money on your 'younger son's portion?' but even if I were to consent to so great an inconvenience, it will not, I should think, forward your matrimonial scheme, which you'll excuse me for designating as peculiarly absurd under the circumstances."
"You may call it what you like," I replied, "though I am not aware I asked your opinion about it; of course if I must give it up, I must; for I would not drag any girl into an abyss of poverty; but it will be a blow more severe than you think."
"I am no judge, and you can of course decide as you think fit, but I must say I see no reason why I should be suddenly called on to inconvenience myself to pay for the extravagance, and gratify the caprice of my half brother!"
"You have given your opinion on my conduct quite often enough; I did not come here merely to bow before your animadversions, nor am I aware you have any right to call me to account; the question is this: I have a certain charge on your estates, which will more than cover my debts, and I want you to decide whether you will aid me in getting it into my own hands or leave me to incur the expenses and difficulty of raising it indirectly. Come, Egerton, you cannot be such a cold hearted fellow, and a son of my poor father's. Pitch calculations to the Devil who invented them, and hold out a hand to help me on terra firma!"
"Well, Frederic, I am not cold hearted, but my principles are opposed to yielding to impulses which, prompted by our fallen nature, must always be evil; you certainly have a right to a sum of £10,000, the interest of which I have hitherto paid you, and could as certainly put difficulties in the way of your getting possession of it. I do not intend, however, to do so, my observations were merely to show that it was not such an easy matter for me to give you £10,000 at a moment's warning; I will, however, write to Harris about it at once; let me see, you say your debt to these Jews is between six and seven thousand, and your smaller debts something under two thousand; well, that will leave you, say, fifteen hundred to begin afresh with. I am endeavouring to serve you at my own inconvenience, I repeat. That property I purchased in Devonshire cost me more than it is worth, and situated as Providence has seen fit to place me, at the head of a strong Evangelical movement, it is my lot to contribute largely towards the spread of the gospel, and Heaven forbid that I should permit the extravagance of a young wordling to curtail my means of advancing the missionary cause; therefore remember, Frederic, that this is the last time I can yield to the weakness of my disposition and furnish you with the means of clearing yourself from debt; you are old enough to judge for yourself, and if you choose to commit the folly of marrying on £1,500 or £2,000, and a commission in one of the most expensive regiments in the service our besotted rulers ever embodied, you must bear the consequences; I have told you my final decision."
"It is just what I might have expected; but, I say, Egerton, though I am perfectly aware I have no claims on you, do you mean to say you will not give me a helping hand to settle, and lead 'a new life,' as you call it. I have been brought up in luxury and expensive habits; I am incapacitated by education and association from pushing my own fortune, and now, when these seeds have brought forth their fruit, I am to be cut adrift on a raft of £1,500; I would not ask you to injure or cramp yourself in the slightest degree, but is there nothing to which you can assist me, if you look about you in a brotherly spirit?"
"Really, Captain Egerton, I am at a loss to imagine what more you can expect from me; unless you wish me to resign Allerton into your own hands. I am ready to place your fortune in your own hands at once, and now you seem to think I have not done enough. Am I to supply you with the means of gratifying your whims out of my own pocket, at the expense of far higher claims?"
"Enough! enough!" cried I, "by Heavens I would rather accept a settlement in the parochial workhouse than from you, or any one, that would give it reluctantly. I do not know how you interpret the Bible, Egerton, but I remember a verse in it, that used to strike my fancy, when the plate was being handed round after a charity sermon; something about compassionating a needy brother, and the concluding question, 'how dwelleth the love of God in him?' I suppose your universal brotherhood with believers leaves but a scanty remnant for the one nature provided you with; however, you say truly, I have no right to expect you will inconvenience yourself for me; pray forget that I ever lowered myself so much as to hint at such a proceeding. I shall content myself with what I am rigidly entitled to, and equally free from debt and obligation, try to find in India a wider field for ambition, or as you would term it, of 'usefulness;' let us see which of us will reap most honours."
"I am well accustomed to bear the sneers a Christian must meet in his conflict with the world; I endeavour to act up to my principles, and I hope you may see the error of your ways before it is too late."
"Oh! pious martyr! I wish it was my lot to encounter persecutions on the same terms, though, by Jove, I am not sure whether in my darkened intellect, I might not consider 'Smithfield,' almost counterbalanced by a couple of hours' exhortation from some Rev. Holdforth. Don't look shocked, Egerton; but you and your dogmas have sent me three steps lower down, at least, since I came here. Religion! you conspire against its prevalence. But I need not excruciate you any longer; – any commands for town? I intend taking that particular road to ruin this evening."
"I never use strong language," said his Lordship, "it is opposed to all my principles, but I confess, Frederic, you have infinitely disgusted me: I wish you a safe journey, and, as I have promised to show the Rev. Mr. Black my model schools, the fame of which, he says, reached him even at A – , I shall now bid you good morning." He bowed formally.
"Egerton, good bye: and not for all the wealth and influence you possess, nor even for the privilege of clerical toad-eaters, would I change with you!"
So it was all up with me in a few minutes; all my plans for getting inside the shell of my brother's heart vain – or rather, there was nothing inside to get at. Good bye to peace and love, but I will have action: where were my wits that I did not go to India long ago, instead of loitering away the best years of my life in aimless frivolity? Oh! the irremediable past.
In the bitterness of self-reproach I forgot Egerton; why should I be angry with him? he acted according to the dictates of his cold nature. Quietness was torment, and a couple of hours after the above conversation I was steaming to London, en route to my agent, breathless to be doing something – anything.