CHAPTER XXXIX
"Esther," said Helps, late that night, after Cherry, in a very sulky humor, had gone to bed, "Esther, this is a very terrible, a very awful thing for me!"
"How so, father!"
She was kneeling by his side. Now she put her arm round his neck, and looked into his face. Her beating, throbbing, exulting heart told her that her discovery of that day was new life to her.
"I am glad," she continued, after a solemn pause; "yes. I don't mind owning I am very glad that a good man like Mr. Wyndham still lives."
"Child, you don't know what you are talking about. It is awful – awful – his coming back. Even if he is alive he ought to have stayed away. His coming back like this is terrible. It means, it means – "
"What, father?"
"Child, it must never be known: he must be warned; he must go away at once. Suppose anybody else saw him?"
"Father," said Esther.
She rose and stood over the shrinking old man.
"You have got to tell me the meaning of those queer words of yours. I guessed there was a mystery about Mr. Wyndham; now I am certain. If I don't know it before I leave the room to-night, I'll make mischief. There!"
"Essie – Essie – I thought you had turned into a good girl."
"I'll turn bad again. Listen. I love that man. Not as a girl loves her lover – not as a wife cares for her husband. He is married, and I should not be ashamed to tell his wife how I love him. I glory in my love; he saved me. Father, I wasn't coming home at all that night. He saved me; you can understand how I feel for him. My life wouldn't be a great deal to give up for him. There has been mischief done to him, that I am sure. Now tell me the truth; then I'll know how to act. Oh, father, you're the dearest and the kindest. Tell me the truth and you won't repent it."
"No, Essie, child, I don't suppose I shall repent. Sit there. You know too much, you may as well know all. Mr. Wyndham's life was insured."
"Yes?"
"Heavily, mark you, heavily."
"Yes." She covered her face with her hands. "Let me think. Say, father" – she flung her hands into her lap – "was this done on purpose?"
"Ay, child, ay; and a better man never lived. Ay, it was done on purpose."
"He was meant not to come back?"
"That's it, Essie, my dear. That's it."
"I see; yes, I see. Was the insurance money paid?"
"Every farthing of it, child. A large sum paid in full."
"If he appeared again it would have to be refunded?"
"If it could be, child."
"If it couldn't?"
"Then the story, the black story of why it was wanted, would have to come out; and – and – Esther, is the door locked? Come close, Essie. Your old father and my master would end our days in penal servitude."
"Now I see," said Esther.
She did not scream nor utter any loud exclamation, but began to pace softly up and down the room. Mentally she was a strong girl; her calm in this emergency proved her mettle.
After a few moments Helps began to speak; his words were wild and broken.
"Over and over I thought I'd rather," he said. "Over, and over, and over – when I saw what it meant for him, poor young gentleman. But I can't, Essie, I can't. When it comes to the pinch I can't do it. We thought he was dead, my master and I, and my master he went off his head. And over he said, yes, over and over – 'Helps, a clean cell and a clean heart would be heaven to this.' But, bless you, Essie, he couldn't stand it either at the pinch. We thought Mr. Wyndham lying under the sea. Oh, poor young gentleman, he had no right to come back."
"No right? He has a wife and a child."
"A widow and orphan, you mean. No, Esther, he should have stayed away. He made a vow, and he should have stuck to it."
"He has not broken his vow, father. Oh, father, what a wicked thing you have done; you and that master to whom you have given your life. Now let me think."
"You won't send me to prison, Esther?"
"No, no. Sit down. I must think things out. Even now I don't know clearly about Mr. Wyndham; you have only treated me to half-confidences. Stay, though, I don't wish to hear more. You mustn't go to prison. Mr. Wyndham mustn't starve. I have it. Mr. Wyndham shall come here."
"Esther!"
Poor old Helps uttered a shriek, which caused Cherry to turn uneasily on her pillow.
"Keep yourself quiet, father. I'm a determined woman, and this thing shall be. Mr. Wyndham shall eat of our bread, and we will shelter him; and I – I, Esther Helps – will undertake to guard his secret and yours. No one living shall guess who he is."
"You forget – oh, this is an awful thing to do. You forget – there's Cherry."
"I'll blind Cherry. If I can't, she must go. I shall bring Mr. Wyndham home to-morrow night!"
"Esther, this will kill me."
"No, it won't. On the contrary, you'll be a better and a happier man. You wouldn't have him starve, when through him you have your liberty? I'm ashamed of you."
She lit her candle and walked away.
Old Helps never went to bed that night.
CHAPTER XL
Esther did not go out next morning. Cherry was surprised at this. Helps went off at his usual hour. Cherry noticed that he ate little or no breakfast; but Esther did not stir. She sat quietly by the breakfast table. She ate well and deliberately. Her eyes were bright, her whole face was full of light and expression.
"Ain't you going down as usual to these dirty slums?" quoth Cherry. "I'm sick of them. You and your clothes both coming in so draggled like at night. I'm sick of the slums. But perhaps you mean to give them up."
"Oh, no," said Esther, waking from a reverie into which she had fallen, "but I'm not going this morning. I've something else to attend to."
"Then perhaps, Esther," said Cherry, with her round eyes sparkling, "you'd maybe think to remember your promise of getting that pink gauze dress out of your trunk; you know you promised it to me, and I've a mind to make it up with yellow bows. I'm sure to want it for something about Christmas."
"You shall have it," said Esther, in a sharp, short voice.
The abstracted look returned to her face. She gazed out of the window.
"Law, Essie, ain't you changed, and for the worse, I take it!" remarked Cherry. "I liked you a sight better when you were flighty and frivolous. Do you remember the night you went to the theatre with that Captain something or other? My word, wasn't uncle in a taking. 'Twas I found your tickets, and put uncle up to getting a seat near you. Weren't you struck all of a heap when you found him there? I never heard how you took it."
"Hush," said Esther, rising to her feet, her face growing very white. "I was mad, then, but I was saved. That's enough about it. Cherry, you know the box-room?"
"Yes," said Cherry. "It's stuffed pretty well, too. Mostly with your trunks, what you say belonged to your mother."
"So they did. Well, they must go downstairs."
"Wherever to? There isn't a corner for them in this scrap of a house."
"Corners must be found. Some of the trunks can go in our bedroom – some into father's; some into the passage, some into the drawing-room if necessary. You needn't stare, it has got to be done."
Esther stamped her foot and looked so imperious that Cherry shrank away.
"I suppose you're a bit mad again," she muttered, and she began to collect the breakfast things on a tray.
"Stop, Cherry, we may as well talk this out. I'll go upstairs now and help you with the boxes. Then we'll clean out the attic; if I had time I'd paper it, but there ain't. Then I'm going out to buy a bedstead and bedding, and a table and washhand stand. The attic is to be made into a bedroom for – "
Here she paused.
"Well," said Cherry, "for whom, in the name of goodness?"
Esther gulped something down in her throat.
"There's a good man in the East of London, a very good man; he has no money, and he's starving, and he has to sleep out of doors; and – and – I can't stand it, Cherry – and I spoke to father, and we have agreed that he shall have the attic and his food. That's it, his name is Brother Jerome; he's a sort of an angel for goodness."
"Slums again," said Cherry; "I'll have nothing to do with it."
She took up her tray and marched into the kitchen. Esther waited a minute or two, then she went to her room, put on a coarse check apron, and mounted the narrow attic stairs. She commenced pulling the trunks about; she could not lift them alone, but she intended to push them to the head of the stairs and then shove them down.
Presently a thumping step was heard, and Cherry's round face appeared.
"Disgusting job, I call it," she said; "but if I must help you, I suppose I must. I was going to learn 'Lord Tom Noddy' this morning. I thought I might wear the pink gauze with yellow bows, and recite it at Uncle Dan's Christmas party. Cousin Tom says I'm real dramatic when I'm excited, and that's a beautiful piece, so rhythmic and flowing. But then we all have to bend to you, Esther, and if I must help you I suppose I must."
"I think you had better, dear, and some day perhaps you won't be sorry. He's a good man, Brother Jerome is, he won't be no trouble. I'll clean his room for him myself once it's put in order, and he's sure to go out early in the morning. He'll breakfast upstairs, and I'll take him his breakfast, and his supper shall be ready for him here at night. We must see if that chimney will draw, Cherry, for of course he'll want his bit of fire."
After this the two girls worked with a will; they cleaned and polished the tiny window, they scrubbed the floor and brushed down the walls, and polished the little grate. Then Esther went out and made her purchases. The greater part of a five pound note was expended, and by the afternoon Gerald Wyndham's room was ready for him.
"Brother Jerome will come home with me to-night. Cherry," said Esther. "I may be late – I'm sure to be late – you needn't sit up."
"But I'd like to see him. Slums or no slums, he has given me a pair of stiff arms, and I want to find out if he's worth them."
"Oh, he's nothing to look at. Just a tall, thin, starved-looking man. He'll be shy, maybe, of coming, and you'd much better go to bed. You'll leave some supper ready in his room."
"What shall I leave?"
"Oh, a jug of beer and some cheese, and the cold meat and some bread and butter. That's all, he's accustomed to roughing it."
"My word, you call that roughing. Then the slums can't be so bad. I always thought there was an uncommon fuss made about them. Now I'll get to 'Lord Tom Noddy,' and learn off a good bit before tea time; you might hear me recite if you had a mind, Essie."
CHAPTER XLI
"Oh, yes, she's the sweetest missus in the world!"
That was the universal opinion of the servants who worked for Valentine Wyndham. They never wanted to leave her, they never grumbled about her, nor thought her gentle orders hard. The nurse, the cook, the housemaid, stayed on, the idea of change did not occur to them.
Valentine and her little son came back to the house in town at the end of October. Lilias came with them, and Adrian Carr often ran up to town and paid a visit to the two.
One day he came with a piece of news. He had got the offer of an incumbency not very far from Park-Lane. A fashionable church wanted a good preacher. Carr had long ago developed unusual powers as a pulpit orator, and the post, with a good emolument, was offered to him. He came to consult Lilias and Valentine in the matter.
"Of course you must go," said Lilias. "My father will miss you – we shall all – but that isn't the point. This is a good thing for you – a great thing – you must certainly go."
"And I can often see you," responded Carr, eagerly. "Mrs. Wyndham will let me come here, I hope, and you will often be here."
"I wish you would spend the winter with me, Lilias," said Valentine. She had interpreted aright the expression in Carr's eyes, and soon afterwards she left the room.
She went up to her own room, shut and locked the door, and then stood gazing into the fire with her hands tightly locked together. She inherited one gift from her father. She, too, could wear a mask. Now it dropped from her, and her young face looked lined and old.
"It isn't the grief of losing him," she murmured under her breath. "It's the pain – the haunting fear – that things are wrong. Have I known my father all these years not to note the change in him? He shrinks from me – he dreads me. Why? His conscience is guilty. Oh, Gerald, if I had only let you look into my heart, perhaps you would not have gone away. Oh, if only I had been in time to go on board the Esperance you would have been living now. Yes, Gerald, the terror never leaves me day and night; you are dead, but God did not mean you to die. My own Gerald – my heart would have been broken, or I should have lost my reason, if I had not confided my fears to Mr. Carr. Some people perhaps think I have forgotten – some again that I have ceased to love my husband. How little they know! Of course I am bright outwardly. But my heart is old and broken. I have had a very sad life – I am a very unhappy woman. Only for little Gerry I couldn't live. He is sweet, but I wish he were more like his father. Ah, there is nurse's knock at the door. Coming, nurse. Is baby with you?"
Mrs. Wyndham unlocked her door, and a little round, dimpled, brown-tinted child scampered in. He was followed by his nurse, a grave, nice-looking woman of about thirty. She was a widow, and had a son of her own.
"Has baby come to say good-night, Annette? Come here, sweet. Come into mother's arms."
She sat down on a low chair by the fire, and the little man climbed on her knee.
"I don't 'ike oo. I 'ove oo," he said.
"He's always saying that, ma'am," remarked the nurse. "He likes his toys – he loves his mother."
"Course I 'ove my mother."
He laid his brown curly head on her breast.
"Nurse, is anything the matter? You don't look well."
"That's it, madam. I'm not ill in body, but I'm sore fretted in mind. Now, baby, darling, don't you pull your dear ma to bits! The fact is, ma'am, and sore I am to say it, I'm afraid I must leave this precious child."
"Nurse!"
Valentine's arms dropped away from baby; baby raised his own curly head, and fixed his brown eyes on the woman, his rosy lips pouted.
"Sore I am to say it, ma'am," repeated Annette, "but there's no help. I've put off the evil day all I could, ma'am; but my mother's old, and my own boy has been ill, and she says I must go home and see after them both. Of course, madam, I'll suit your convenience as to the time of my going, and I hope you'll get some one else as will love the dear child. Come to bed, master baby, dear; your mother wants to go down to dinner."
A few days after this, as Helps was taking his comfortable breakfast, cooked to perfection by Cherry's willing hands, he raised his eyes suddenly, looked across at his daughter Esther, and made a remark.
"I'm told poor young madam is in no end of a taking."
"What young madam, father?"
"Mrs. Wyndham. The nurse is going and the child has got whooping cough. He's bad, too, poor little 'un, and frets about the nurse like anything. My master's in a way, too; he's wrapped up in that little lad. It was he told me; he said perhaps you'd know of a nurse as would suit. Esther."
"Don't stare so, Cherry," said Esther. "Anybody would think father was talking of ghosts, to see the bigness of your eyes. Well, father, yes, I'll think about a nurse. I'm sorry the child is ill."
"Don't you go and get a nurse from the slums," retorted Cherry. "You're all slums, you are. My word, I am having a time since that new lodger took possession."
Here Cherry paused to pour fresh water into the tea-pot. Esther and her father exchanged frightened glances.
"Brother Jerome, indeed!" proceeded this energetic young person. "He's a mighty uneasy sort of Brother Jerome. His good deeds don't seem to quieten him, anyway. And why does he always keep a hat stuck on his head, and never raise it when he passes me on the stairs. I know I'm broad and I'm stout, and I've no looks to boast of, but it's meant for men to raise their hats to women, and I don't see why he shouldn't. Then at night he walks the boards overhead fit to work on anybody's nerves. I don't recite half so dramatic as I did, because I can't get my sleep unbroken."
"Your tongue ain't stopped, anyway," said her uncle, almost crossly. "Esther, you'll think about the nurse for young madam."
He rose and left the room.
Esther sat still a little longer. She heard Cherry rattling the plates in the kitchen. Presently, she got up, put on her bonnet and cloak, called good-bye to her cousin, and went out. There could scarcely be a better Sister of the Poor than Esther Helps. She was near enough to them socially to understand their sorrows. She had never known starvation, but she could take in what tiny means meant – their mode of speech was comprehensible to her, she was sufficiently unfastidious to go into their dirty rooms, to witness their uncouth, semi-savage ways without repulsion. She liked the life, it suited her, and her it. She was the kind of woman to be popular as a district visitor. She had abundance of both sympathy and tact. When her sympathies were aroused, her manners could be affectionate. In addition, she had a very lovely face. The poor of East London adore beauty; it comes so rarely near them in any case that they look upon it as an inestimable treasure. The women and children liked to watch Esther when she talked and when she smiled. The men treated her with the respect due to a regal presence.
Esther went down as usual to her mission work to-day. Sister Josephine, the head of this branch of work, greeted the handsome girl with a smile when she came in, drew her aside, and spoke to her about a particularly difficult undertaking which was soon to be commenced. This undertaking would require the utmost tact and talent; the sister asked Esther if she would be willing to become the head of the movement.
"I don't know anyone more suitable," she said in conclusion. "Only if you come, you must consent to sleep away from home. Some of our work – our principal work – will take place at night."
Esther's clear ivory-tinted skin became a shade paler. She looked full at the sister with troubled but unshrinking eyes.
"You do me a great honor," she said. "But I am afraid I must decline it. At present I cannot sleep away from home. It is also possible – yes, it is quite possible – that I may have to give up the work altogether for a time."
"Esther, are you putting your hand to the plough and looking back?"
"I don't know, Sister Josephine. Perhaps I am."
The sister laid her hand solemnly on the girl's arm.
"Esther, if you love anyone better than God, you have no right to come here," she said.
Then she turned away and walked sorrowfully down the long mission room. She was disappointed in Esther Helps, and though Esther's own heart never faltered, she felt a sharp pang pierce it.
That night she came home late.
"Has Brother Jerome come in?" she asked Cherry.
"No. How you do fash about that man! His supper's waiting for him, and I saw to his fire. Now I'm going to bed. I'm dead tired."
"Do, Cherry. I'll sit up for Brother Jerome."
"Ask him, for goodness sake, not to march the boards so frequent. He'll have my grey hairs to account for. He's picked up a cough, too, and between the creaking of the boards, and the coughing, I have nice nights lately."
"You study too much, Cherry, or you wouldn't mind such little noises. Now go to bed, dear. I'll give Brother Jerome a hint."
"Good-night, Esther. Uncle's been in bed an hour or more. I hope that brother of the slums won't keep you long."
Cherry ran upstairs, and Esther went into the bright warm little kitchen. She left the door wide open, and then she sat and waited.
The substance of Sister Josephine's words rang in her ears.
"If you love another better than God, you have no right to come here."
Did she love another better than God? No, no, impossible. A man had influenced her life, and because of his influence she had given herself up, soul and body, to God's service. How could she love the man best? He had only pointed to the higher way.
Then she heard his step outside; his latch-key in the door, and she felt herself tremble. He went straight upstairs, never glancing in the direction of the kitchen; as he went he coughed, and his cough sounded hollow. His figure, never remarkably upright, was much bent.
Esther waited a few minutes; then, her heart going pit-a-pat, she crept very softly upstairs, passed her own room and Cherry's, and knocked at Wyndham's door.
He came and opened it.
"Can I speak with you, brother?"
"Certainly. Come in, Esther?"
The attic had been converted into a wonderfully snug apartment. The bed and washing apparatus were curtained off, and the part of the room which surrounded the hearth revealed a bright fire, a little table on which a tempting cold supper was spread, and a deep easy chair.
"Sit down, brother," said Esther, "and eat. Let me help you. I can talk while you eat your supper. Are you very tired to-night? Yes, I am afraid you are dreadfully tired."
"I am always tired, Esther. That is in the condition of things."
He sank back into his chair as if he were too weary to keep out of it. Then, with a flash of the old Gerald Wyndham in his eyes and manner, he sprang up.
"I was forgetting myself. Will you sit here!"
"What do you take me for, Mr. – Brother Jerome, I mean. I have come up here to see you eat, to see you rest, and to – to – talk to you."
"Esther, I have no words to thank you. You are, yes, you are the noblest woman I know."
She flushed all over; her eyes shone.
"And isn't that thanks for ever and ever?" she said in a voice in which passion trembled.
Wyndham did not notice. He had taken off his hat, and Cherry's good supper stood by his side. He ate a little, then put down his knife and fork.
"Ain't you hungry, sir?"
"No. At first, when I came here, I was so starved that I never could eat enough. Now I am the other way, not hungry at all."
"And, sir, you have got a cough."
"Yes, I had a very bad wetting last week, and a cough is the result. Strange. I had no cough when I slept out of doors."
"Mr. Wynd – Brother Jerome, I mean, you wouldn't go back to that old life? Say you wouldn't go back."
The almost anguish in her voice penetrated for the first time to Wyndham's ear. He gave her a startled glance, then said with warmth: —
"Esther, you and your father have been good Samaritans to me; as long as it is safe I will stay with you."
"It shall and must be safe. Who would look for you here, of all places, when they think you are buried under the waves of the sea?"
"That is true. I expect it is perfectly safe for me to stay."
He lay back in his chair, and gazed into the fire; he had almost forgotten Esther's presence.
"And you like it – you feel happier since you came?" she asked, presently, in a timid voice.
"What did you say?"
"Mr. Wyndham," the forbidden name came out with a burst, "do tell poor Esther Helps that you are happier since she found you."
She had fallen on her knees, the tears were streaming from her eyes; she held out her hands to him.
"Oh," she said, "I would give my life for yours."
In a moment Wyndham's dreamy attitude left him; he sprang to his feet, all alive and keen and watchful. He was the old Wyndham; his eyes were full of pity, which made his whole face radiant.
"Hush," he said. "Get up. Don't say any more. Not another word – not a syllable. You forget yourself. Esther. I saved you once – I must save you again. Sit there, yes, there; I am quite strong. I must tell you the truth. Esther, I said just now that you were the noblest woman I know. You must go on being noble. I will stay here on that condition."
"Oh, sir, will you?" Poor Esther would have liked to shrink through the very boards. "Will you forgive me, sir?"
"Hush; don't talk about forgiveness. There is nothing to forgive. Esther, I will show you how much I trust you. I will talk to you about my wife. I will tell you a little of my story; I mean the part I can tell without implicating others."