The Comic Latin Grammar: A new and facetious introduction to the Latin tongue

SYNTAXIS,

or the Construction of Grammar

Q. What part of the grammar resembles the indulgences sold in the middle ages?

A. Sin-tax.

The first Concord;

The Nominative case and the Verb

Where there is much personality, there is generally little concord.

However, a verb personal agrees with its nominative case in number and person, as Sera nunquam est ad bonos mores via, The way to good manners is never too late. Mind that, brother Jonathan.

Note– The above maxim is especially worthy of the attention of neophytes in law and medicine; of the gods in the gallery, and of Members of the House.

The nominative case of pronouns is rarely expressed, except for the sake of distinction or emphasis, as —

Tu es exquisitus, tu es,

You ’re a nice man, you are.

Sometimes a sentence is the nominative case to the verb, as

Ingenuas pugni didicisse fideliter artes,

Mollitos mores non sinit esse viri.

The faithful study of the fistic art

From mawkish softness guards a Briton’s heart.

Who can doubt it? But, besides, we have much to say in praise of boxing. In the first place, it is a classical accomplishment. To say nothing of the Olympic and Isthmian Games, which are of themselves sufficient proof of the elegant and fanciful tastes of the ancients; we need only allude to the fact, that the Corinthians are universally celebrated for their proficiency in this science. Then, of its eminently social tendency, there can be no doubt. What can be more conducive to good fellowship, and conviviality than the frequent tapping of claret, attendant both on its study and practice? Nor can its beneficial influence on the fine arts be called in question, seeing that its immediate object is to teach us the use of our hands. And (which perhaps is the most pursuasive argument of all), it is particularly pleasing to the fair sex, who besides their well known admiration of bravery, are, to a woman, devotedly attached to the ring.

Sometimes an adverb with a genitive case stands in the place of the nominative, as —

Partim astutorum mordebantur,

Part of the knowing ones were bit.

We must contend that the above is a racy observation.

Exceptions to the Rule

Verbs of the infinitive mood – but hold. Remember that there is scarcely any rule without an exception; and this axiom particularly applies to the Syntax. We used to wish it did not; because then we should not have had so much to learn – to resume however —

Verbs of the infinitive mood often have set before them an accusative case instead of a nominative; the conjunction quod, or ut, being left out, as

Annam reginam aiunt occubuisse:

They say that Queen Anne’s dead.

A verb placed between two nominative cases of different numbers, is not like a donkey between two stacks of hay, it makes choice of one or the other, and agrees with it, as

Amygdalæ amaræ venenum est,

Bitter almonds is poison.

We have written the English beneath the Latin. Perhaps it may be imagined that we think good English beneath us.

A singular noun of multitude is sometimes joined to a plural verb; as

Pars puerorum philosophum secuti sunt,

Part of the boys followed the philosopher.

And so they would now, particularly if they saw one in costume.

Verbs impersonal have no nominative case before them, as

 
Tædet me Grammatices, I am weary of Grammar.
Pertæsum est Syntaxeos, I am quite sick of Syntax.
Mirificum visum est Socratem in gyrum saltantem videre,
It seemed wonderful to behold Socrates jumping Jim Crow.
 

Adjectives, participles, and pronouns agree with the substantive in gender, number, and case, as

Vir exiguo conventui, sobrioque idoneus:

A nice man for a small tea-party.

The Spartans, probably, were men of this kind; their aversion to drunkenness being well known.

Observe how close the concord is between substantive and adjective. The ties of wedlock are nothing to it; for, besides that in that happy state there is very often not a little discord, it is quite impossible that man and wife should ever agree in gender.

Sometimes a sentence supplies the place of a substantive; the adjective being placed in the neuter gender, as

Audito reginam leones cœnantes visisse:

It being heard that Her Majesty had gone to see the lions at supper.

Third Concord

The relative and the antecedent

The relative and antecedent hit it off very well together; they agree one with the other in gender, number, and person, as

Qui plenos haurit cyathos, madidusque quiescit,

Ille bonam degit vitam, moriturque facetus.

“He who drinks plenty, and goes to bed mellow,

Lives as he ought to do, and dies a jolly fellow.”

Horace was the fellow for this kind of thing. Cato must have been a regular wet blanket.

Sometimes a sentence is placed for an antecedent, as

Heliogabalus, spiritu contento, viginti quatuor ostrearum demersit in alvum, quod Dandoni etiam longé antecellit.

Heliogabalus, at one breath, swallowed two dozen of oysters, which beats even Dando out and out.

Many of the ancients could swallow a good deal.

A relative placed between two substantives of different genders and numbers, sometimes agrees with the latter, as

Pueri tuentur illum librum quæ Latina Grammatices et Comica dicitur.

Boys regard that book which is called the Comic Latin Grammar.

Sometimes a relative agrees with the primitive, which is understood in the possessive, as

Mirabantur impudentiam suam qui ad reginam literas misit.

They wondered at his impudence, who wrote a letter to the queen.

If a nominative case be interposed between the relative and the verb, the relative is governed by the verb, or by some other word which is placed in the sentence with the verb, as

Luciferi quos Prometheus surripuit, ad Jovem cujus numen contempsit, pertinebant.

The Lucifers which Prometheus shirked, belonged to Jupiter, whose authority he despised.

In fact, Prometheus made light of Jupiter’s lightning.

We now take leave of the Concords, observing only how pleasant it is to see relatives agree.

Our next subject is the

Construction of Nouns Substantive

Which is not quite so amusing as the construction of small boats, paper kites, pinwheels, crackers, or any other mode of displaying the faculty of “constructiveness” – though in one sense the construction of nouns substantive, is not unlike the construction of puzzles.

When two substantives of a different signification meet together, the latter is put in the genitive case, as

Ulysses lumen Cyclopis extinxit:

Ulysses doused the glim of the Cyclops.

This genitive case is sometimes changed into a dative, as

Urbi pater est, urbique maritus. – Gram. Eton.

He is the father of the city, and the husband of the city.

He must have been a pretty fellow, whoever he was.

An adjective of the neuter gender, put without a substantive, sometimes requires a genitive case, as

Paululùm honestatis sartori sufficit:

A very little honesty is enough for a tailor.

A genitive case is sometimes placed alone; the preceding substantive being understood by the figure ellipsis, as

Ubi ad magistri veneris, cave verbum de porco:

When you are come to the master’s (house), not a word about the pig.

The word pig is a very general term, and is used to signify not only the animal so called, and such of the human race as resemble him in habits, appearance, or feelings; but also to denote a variety of little things, which it is sometimes necessary to keep secret. A pedagogue now and then discovers a pig-tail appended to his coat collar – this, or rather the way in which it got there, is one of the little pigs in question. Robbing the larder or the garden is another; so is insinuating horse-hairs into the cane, or putting cobbler’s wax on the seat of learning – we mean the master’s stool. A sort of pig (or rather a rat) is sometimes smelt by the master on taking his nightly walk though the dormitories, when roast fowl, mince pies, bread and cheese, shrub, punch, &c. have been slyly smuggled into those places of repose. Shirking down town is always a pig, and the consequences thereof, in case of discovery, a great bore.

Considering that a secret is a pig, it is singular that betraying one should be called letting the cat out of the bag.

Two substantives respecting the same thing are put in the same case, as

Telemachum, juvenem bonæ indolis, Calypso existimavit.

Calypso thought Telemachus a nice young man.

By the way, what a nice young man Virgil makes out Marcellus to have been!

Praise, dispraise, or the quality of a thing is placed in the ablative, and also in the genitive case – as

Vir paucorum verborum et magni appetitûs:

A man of few words and large appetite.

Paterfamilias. Vir multis miseriis:

A father of a family. A man of many woes.

The man of most woes, however, is a hackney-coachman.

Opus, need, and usus, need, require an ablative case, as

Didoni marito opus erat;

Dido had need of a husband.

Æneæ cœnâ usus erat;

Æneas had need of a dinner.

But opus appears to be sometimes placed like an adjective for necessarius, necessary, as

Regi Anthropophagorum coquus opus est:

The King of the Cannibal Islands wants a cook.

Which would serve his purpose best – a valet-de-chambre who dresses men, or a wit, who roasts them?

The Construction of Nouns Adjective

The genitive case after the adjective

Adjectives which signify desire, knowledge, memory, fear, and the contrary to these, require a genitive case, as

Est natura vetularum obtrectationis avida:

The nature of old women is fond of scandal.

This particularly applies to old maids. As those delightful creatures now-a-days, not content with being grey aspire to be actually blue; we cannot help recommending to them a kind of study, for which their propensity to cutting up renders them peculiarly adapted; we mean Anatomy. And since it is on the foulest and most odious points of character that they chiefly delight to dwell, we more especially suggest to them the pursuit of Morbid Anatomy, as one which is likely to be attended both with gratification and success.

Mens tempestatum præscia:

A mind foreknowing the weather.

A piece of sea-weed has often, heretofore, been used as a barometer; but it is only of late that this purpose has been answered by a murphy.

Immemor beneficii:

Unmindful of a kindness.

The sort of kindness one is least likely to forget is that which our master used to say he conferred upon us, when he was inculcating learning by means of the rod. We cannot help thinking, however, that he began at the wrong end.

Imperitus rerum:

Unacquainted with the world, i.e. Not ‘up to snuff’.

Much controversy has been wasted in attempts to determine the origin of the phrase “up to snuff”. Some have contended that it was suggested by the well-known quality possessed by snuff, of clearing the head; but this idea is far fetched, not to say absurd. Others will have that the expression was derived from Snofe, or Snoffe, the name of a cunning rogue who flourished about the time of the first crusade; so that “up to Snoffe” signified as clever, or knowing, as Snoffe; and was in process of time converted into “up to snuff.” This opinion is deserving of notice; though the only argument in its favour is, that the phrase in question was in vogue long before the discovery of tobacco. Probably the soundest view is that which connects it with the proper name Znoufe, which in ancient High-Dutch is equivalent to Mercury, whose reputation for astuteness among the ancients was exceedingly great. Conf. Hookey-Walk, ii. 13. Hok. Pok. Wonk-Fum. viii. 24. Cheek. Marin. passim, with a host of commentators, ancient and modern.

Roscius timidus Deorum fuit:

Roscius was afraid of the Gods.

Adjectives ending in ax, derived from verbs, also require a genitive case, as

Tempus edax rerum:

Time is the consumer of all things.

Hence Time is sometimes figured as an alderman.

Nouns partitive, nouns of number, nouns comparative and superlative, and certain adjectives put partitively, require a genitive case, from which also they take their gender; as

Utrum horum mavis accipe:

Take which of those two things you had rather.

So Queen Eleanor gave Fair Rosamond her choice between the dagger and the bowl of poison. This, to our mind, would have been like choosing a tree to be hanged on.

Primus fidicinum fuit Orpheus:

Orpheus was the first of fiddlers.

He is said to have charmed the hearts of broomsticks.

Momus lepidissimus erat Deorum:

Momus was the funniest of the Gods.

Other deities may have made Jupiter shake his head. Momus used to make him shake his sides.

Sequimur te, sancte deorum:

We follow thee, O sacred deity.

Namely, the aforesaid Momus. He is the only heathen god that we should have had much reverence for, and certainly the only one that we should ever have sacrificed to at all. The offering most commonly made to the god of laughter was, probably, a sacrifice of propriety.

But the above nouns are also used with these prepositions, a, ab, de, e, ex, inter, ante; as,

Primus inter philosophos Democritus est:

Democritus is the first amongst philosophers.

And why? Because he alone was wise enough to find out that laughing is better than crying. He it was who first proved to the world that philosophy and comicality are, in fact, one science; and that the more we learn the more we laugh. We forget whether it was he or Aristotle who made the remark, that man is the only laughing animal except the hyæna.

Secundus sometimes requires a dative case, as

Haud ulli veterum virtute secundus:

Inferior to none of the ancients in valour.

Surely Virgil in saying this, had an eye to a hero, whose fame has been perpetuated in the verses of a later poet.

 
“Some talk of Alexander, and some of Pericles,
Of Conon and Lysander, and Alcibiades;
But of all the gallant heroes, there ’s none for to compare,
With my ri-fol-de-riddle-iddle-lol to the British grenadier!”
 

An interrogative, and the word which answers to it, shall be of the same case and tense, except words of a different construction be made use of; as

Quarum rerum nulla est satietas? Pomorum.

Of what things is there no fulness? Of fruit.

Dr. Johnson used to say that he never got as much wall fruit as he could eat.

Adjectives by which advantage, disadvantage, likeness, unlikeness, pleasure, submission, or relation to any thing is signified, require a dative case; as

Astaci incocti patriæ idonei sunt in pace; cocti autem in bello.

Raw lobsters are serviceable to their country in peace; but boiled ones in war. Lobster’s claws are nasty things to get into.

The Corporation of London seemed very much afraid of the Police clause.

One of the reasons why a soldier is sometimes called a lobster, probably is, that the latter is a marine animal.

Balænæ persimile:

Very like a whale.

Qui color albus erat nunc est contrarius albo:

The colour which was white is now contrary to white.

Some people will swear white is black to gain their ends; and a man who will do this, though he may not always be —

Jucundus amicis:

Pleasant to his friends;

is nevertheless frequently so to his constituents.

Hither are referred nouns compounded of the preposition con, as contubernalis, a comrade; commilito, a fellow soldier, &c. You must con all such words attentively before you can construe well, or the consequence will be, that you will be considerably blown up, if not confoundedly flogged.

Some of these which signify similitude, are also joined to a genitive case, as

Par uncti fulminis:

Like greased lightning.

The familiarity of our transatlantic friends with the nature of the electric fluid, is no doubt owing to the discoveries of their countryman Franklin. Q. Was the lightning which that philosopher drew down from the clouds, of the kind mentioned in the example?

Communis, common; alienus, strange; immunis, free, are joined to a genitive, dative, and also to an ablative case, with a preposition, as

Aures longæ communes asinorum sunt:

Long ears are common to asses.

Though musical ears are not. We even doubt whether they would have the slightest admiration for Bray-ham.

Non sunt communes caudæ hominibus:

Tails are not common to men.

Except coat-tails, shirt-tails, pig-tails, and rats’-tails – to which en-tails may perhaps also be added, though these last are often cut off.

Non alienus a poculo cerevisiæ:

Not averse to a pot of beer.

We should think we were not; and should as soon think of engaging in an unnatural quarrel with our bread and butter.

Natus, born; commodus, convenient; incommodus, inconvenient; utilis, useful; inutilis, useless; vehemens, earnest; aptus, fit, are sometimes also joined to an accusative case with a preposition, as

Natus ad laqueum:

Born to a halter.

Those who are reserved for this exalted destiny, are said to enjoy a peculiar immunity from drowning. Is this the reason why watermen are such a set of rogues?

To prevent mistakes, it should be mentioned, that the watermen here meant are those who, by their own account, are so called from their office being to shut the doors of hackney coaches.

Verbal adjectives ending in bilis, taken passively, and participles made adjectives ending in dus, require a dative case; as

Nulli penetrabilis astro;

Penetrable by no star—

not fond of acting?

O venerande mihi Liston! te luget Olympus:

O Liston, to be venerated by me the Olympic bewails thee.

The Accusative Case after the Adjective

The measure of quantity is put after adjectives, in the accusative, the ablative, and the genitive case, as

Anguis centum pedes longus:

A snake a hundred feet long.

Arbor gummifera, alta mille et quingentis passibus.

A gum-tree a mile and a half high.

Aranea, lata pedum denum:

A spider ten feet broad.

An accusative case is sometimes put after adjectives and participles, where the preposition secundum, appears to be understood, as

Os humerosque asello similis:

Like to a cod-fish as to his head and shoulders.

Some men are exceedingly like a cod-fish, as to their head and shoulders, and they often endeavour to increase this natural resemblance as much as possible, by wearing gills.

The Ablative Case after the Adjective

Adjectives which relate to plenty or want, sometimes require an ablative, sometimes a genitive case, as

Amor et melle et felle est fœcundissimus:

Love is very full both of honey and gall.

The honey of love is – we do not know exactly what. Honey, however, is Latin for love, as the Irishman said.

The gall of love consists in

First. Tight boots, in which it is often necessary to do penance before our Lady’s window. This is at all events very galling.

Secondly. In lover’s sighs, to which it communicates their peculiar bitterness.

Thirdly. Another very galling thing in love is being cut out.

Fourthly. Love is one of the passions treated of by Gall and Spurzheim.

Adjectives and substantives govern an ablative case, signifying the cause and the form, or the manner of a thing, as

Demosthenes vociferatione raucus erat:

Demosthenes was hoarse with bawling.

Nomine grammaticus, re barbarus:

 

A grammarian in name; in reality a barbarian.

Like many of the old masters – we do not mean painters – though we certainly allude to brothers of the brush– perhaps it would be better to call them brothers of the angle, on account of their partiality to the rod. Does the reader twig? If so, it is unnecessary to branch out into a discussion with regard to the nature of the barbarity hinted at – a kind of barbarity which, though it may proclaim its perpetrators to be by no means allied to the feline race, connects them most decidedly with the canine species.

Dignus, worthy; indignus, unworthy; præditus, endued; captus, disabled; contentus, content; extorris, banished; fretus, relying upon; liber, free; with adjectives signifying price, require an ablative case, as

Leander dignus erat meliore fato:

Leander was worthy of a better fate.

Poor fellow! first to be head over ears in love, and then over head and ears in the sea! Shocking! What an heroic young man he must have been. – What a duck, too, the fair Hero must have thought him as she watched him from her lonely tower, nearing her every moment, as he cleft with lusty arm the foaming herring-pond. We mean the Hellespont – but no matter. What a goose he must have been considered by any one else who happened to know of his nightly exploits! How miserably he was gulled at last! Never mind. If Leander went to the fishes for love, many a better man than he, has, before and since, gone, from the same cause, to the dogs.

Conscientia procuratoris solidis sex, denariis octo, venale est;

A lawyer’s conscience is to be sold for six and eightpence.

Some of these, sometimes admit a genitive case, as

Carmina digna deæ:

Verses worthy of a goddess.

Whether the following verses are worthy of a goddess or not, we shall not attempt to decide; they were addressed to one at all events – at least to a being who, if idolizing constitutes a goddess, may, perhaps, be termed one. We met with them in turning over the pages of an album.

Lines by a Fond Lover

 
Lovely maid, with rapture swelling,
Should these pages meet thine eye,
Clouds of absence soft dispelling;
Vacant memory heaves a sigh.
 
 
As the rose, with fragrance weeping,
Trembles to the tuneful wave,
So my heart shall twine unsleeping,
Till it canopies the grave!
 
 
Though another’s smiles requited,
Envious fate my doom should be:
Joy for ever disunited,
Think, ah! think, at times on me!
 
 
Oft amid the spicy gloaming,
Where the brakes their songs instil,
Fond affection silent roaming,
Loves to linger by the rill —
 
 
There when echo’s voice consoling,
Hears the nightingale complain,
Gentle sighs my lips controlling,
Bind my soul in beauty’s chain.
 
 
Oft in slumber’s deep recesses,
I thy mirror’d image see;
Fancy mocks the vain caresses
I would lavish like a bee!
 
 
But how vain is glittering sadness!
Hark, I hear distraction’s knell!
Torture gilds my heart with madness!
Now for ever fare thee well!
 

It would be interesting as well as instructive to settle the difference between love verses and nonsense verses, if this were the proper place for doing so. But we are not yet come to the Prosody; nor shall we arrive there very soon unless we get on with the Syntax.

Comparatives, when they may be explained by the word quam, than, require an ablative case, as

Achilles Agamemnone velocior erat:

Achilles was a faster man than Agamemnon.

Fast men in modern times are very apt to outrun the constable.

Tanto, by so much, quanto, by how much, hoc, by this, eo, by this, and quo, by which; with some other words which signify the measure of exceeding; likewise ætate, by age, and natu, by birth, are often joined to comparatives and superlatives, as

Tanto deformissimus, quanto sapientissimus philosophorum.

By so much the ugliest, by how much the wisest of philosophers.

Such an one was Socrates. It is all very well to have a contemplative disposition; but it need not be accompanied by a contemplative nose.

Quo plus habent, eo plus cupiunt:

The more they have the more they want.

This is a curious fact in the natural history of school-boys, considered in relation to roast beef and plum pudding.

Maximum ætate virum in totâ Kentuckiâ contudi:

I whopped the oldest man in all Kentucky.

The Construction of Pronouns

All those who would understand the construction of pronouns, should take care to be well versed in the distinction between meum and tuum, ignorance of which often gives rise to the disagreeable necessity of becoming too intimately acquainted with quod.

Mei, of me, tui, of thee, sui, of himself, nostri, of us, vestri, of you, (the genitive cases of their primitives ego, tu, &c.) are used when a person is signified, as

Languet desiderio tui:

He languishes for want of you.

You cannot give a more acceptable piece of information than the above, to any young lady. The fairer and more amiable sex always like to have something – if not to love, at least to pity.

Parsque tui lateat corpore clausa meo. —Eton Gram.

And a part of you may lie shut up in my body.

Or rather may it so lie! How forcibly a sucking pig hanging up outside a pork-butcher’s shop always recals this beautiful line of Ovid’s to the mind!

Meus, mine, tuus, thine, suus, his own (Cocknicè his’n), noster, ours, vester, yours, are used when action, or the possession of a thing is signified; as

Qui bona quæ non sunt sua furtim subripit, ille

Tempore quo capitur, carcere clausus erit:

Him as prigs wot isn ’t his’n,

Ven he’s cotch’d ’ll go to pris’n.

These possessive pronouns, meus, tuus, suus, noster, and vester, take after them these genitive cases, – ipsius, of himself, solius, of him alone, unius, of one, duorum, of two, trium, of three, &c., omnium, of all, plurium, of more, paucorum, of few, cujusque, of every one, and also the genitive cases of participles, which are referred to the primitive word understood; as

Meis unius impensis pocula sex exhausi:

I drank six pots to my own cheek.

We wonder that any one should have the face to say so.

Sui and suus are reciprocal pronouns, that is, they have always relation to that which went before, and was most to be noted in the sentence, as —

Jonathanus nimium admiratur se:

Jonathan admires himself too much.

Parcit erroribus suis, He spares his own errors.

Magnoperè Jonathanus rogat ne se derideas, Jonathan earnestly begs that you would not laugh at him.

If you do, take care that he does not blow you up one of these fine days.

These demonstrative pronouns, hic, iste, and ille are thus distinguished: hic points out the nearest to me; iste him who is by you; ille him who is at a distance from both of us.

In making game of the Syntax, we regard them as pointers.

When hic and ille are referred to two things or persons going before, hic generally relates to the latter, ille to the former, as

Richardus Thomasque suum de more bibebant,

Ebrius hic vappis, ebrius ille mero:

Both Dick and Tom caroused away like swine,

Tom drunk with swipes, and Dicky drunk with wine.

The Construction of Verbs

The Nominative Case after the Verb

Verbs substantive, as sum, I am, forem, I might be, fio, I am made, existo, I am; verbs passive of calling, as nominor, I am named, appellor, I am called, dicor, I am said, vocor, I am called, nuncupor, I am named, and the like to them, as videor, I am seen, habeor, I am accounted, existimor, I am thought, have the same cases before and after them, as

Adeps viridis est summum bonum:

Green fat is the chief good.

Even among the ancients, turtles were the emblems of love; which, next to eating and drinking, has always been the first object of human pursuit. This fact proves, very satisfactorily, two things, first, their proficiency in the science of gastronomy; and, secondly, their extreme susceptibility of the tender passion.

Pileus vocatur tegula:

A hat is called a tile.

Likewise all verbs in a manner admit after them an adjective, which agrees with the nominative case of the verb, in case, gender, and number, as

Pii orant taciti. —Eton Gram.

The pious pray silently.

Is this a sly rap at the Quakers?

The Genitive Case after the Verb

Sum requires a genitive case as often as it signifies possession, duty, sign, or that which relates to any thing; as

Quod rapidam trahit Ætatem pecus est Melibœi,

The cattle wot drags the Age, fast coach, is Melibœus’s.

Alas! that such an Age should be banished by the Age of rail-roads! – let us hear the