Fenelon's Treatise on the Education of Daughters

CHAPTER X

The Vanity of Beauty and Dress

Nothing is more to be dreaded among young girls, than vanity– as they are born with a violent desire to please. Those roads which conduct men to authority and fame being shut to them; they strive to be recompensed by the charms of intellect and person: hence flows their conversation so soft and so insinuating – hence it is that they aspire, as well to beauty, as to all the exterior graces, and become passionately fond of dress. A turban or bandeau is of the greatest importance in their estimation.

This excess is carried farther in our country¹⁰ than in any other. That volatile disposition so remarkable among us, causes a continual variety of fashions: so that, to the love of dress is added the love of novelty, which has strange charms for some people. These two follies united, reverses all orders and conditions, and corrupts all manners. As soon as certain rules are done away in respect to our clothes and furniture, the same irregularity prevails in our conditions. Public authority cannot settle a "table of particulars:"¹¹ every one, therefore, chooses according to his money; or rather, without money, according to his ambition and vanity.

This passion for splendor ruins families; and the ruin of families brings with it a corruption of manners. On the one hand, it begets, in persons of mean extraction, a passion for a large fortune (which religion assures us is sinful); on the other, among people of quality who find their resources exhausted, it produces mean and dirty practices in order to support their extravagance: hence, honor, fidelity, integrity, and benevolence, (even towards their nearest relatives,) are extinguished for ever!

These evils arise from the influence of vain women in directing the fashions; they ridicule those, as antiquated dames, who wish to preserve the gravity and simplicity of ancient manners.

Be particularly zealous, therefore, to make girls understand how much more estimable is that honor which flows from an upright conduct and sound capacity, than that which arises from the elegance and splendor of dress. Beauty, you may say, deceives the possessor of it much more than it does those whom it dazzles: it agitates and intoxicates the soul; we are more foolishly idolising ourselves, than the most passionate lovers the object of their affection. A few years only make the difference between a beautiful and ordinary woman. Beauty is not desirable unless it produces advantageous marriages: and how should it effect this, unsupported by merit and virtue? A girl, merely beautiful, can only hope to be united to a giddy young man, with whom she is pretty certain of misery: on the contrary, her good sense and modesty would cause her to be sought for by prudent men, sensible of such solid qualifications. Those whose fame consists only in their beauty, soon become ridiculous: they approach, without perceiving it, to a certain age in which their charms begin to fade; still, however, indulging the dear delusion of self-gratification, when the world has long ago been disgusted with their vanity. In short, it is as unreasonable to be attached solely to beauty, as to concentrate all merit in strength of body; a maxim, which barbarians and savages only inculcate.

From beauty let us pass to dress. True grace does not depend on a vain and affected exterior; although propriety, and some little skill may be shewn in our necessary clothing. But after all, these silks or satins, which may be pretty enough, can never be considered as ornaments which confer beauty.

I would even make young girls remark that noble simplicity which appears in the drapery of statues, and in many figures which yet remain of Grecian and Roman costume. They should contemplate the superiority of hair negligently tied behind, and of the broad folds of a full and floating drapery. It would also be as well for them to hear painters and connoisseurs, who possess a true taste for the antique, converse on these subjects.

In proportion as their understanding rose superior to the prejudices of fashion, they would hold in contempt those artificial modes of twisting and curling the hair, and all the paraphernalia of a fashionable woman. I am aware that one should not wish them to assume an entirely-antique costume of dress, which would be extravagant, and sometimes indecent: but they might, without the affectation of singularity, model their taste on that simplicity of attire, which is so noble, so delightful, and in all respects conformable to the manners of christians. Make them observe often, and by times, the vanity and, frivolousness of that mind which is sacrificed to the inconstancy of fashion.¹² True grace follows, but never does violence to, nature.

Fashion, however, soon destroys itself: it is perpetually aiming at perfection, and never finds it; at least, it never stops when it has found it. It would be reasonable enough if all changing and alteration were to cease after having found perfection, comprising both elegance and utility: but to change for the sake of changing, appears very much like sacrificing true politeness and good taste to inconstancy and confusion! Fashions are frequently founded on mere caprice. Women are the sole arbitrators of them; and it being difficult to say, who is to be believed or imitated, the most giddy and least informed seduce and influence the rest. They neither choose nor leave any thing according to rule: it is quite sufficient if one thing, though useful, has been long adopted: it ought to be discarded: and another thing, though perfectly ridiculous, but having the charm of novelty, is immediately substituted in its place, and becomes the admiration of all. After having laid a proper foundation, describe to them the rules of christian modesty. We learn, you will say, that man is born in the corruption of sin: his body, exposed to a contagious malady, is an inexhaustible source of temptation to his soul. Our Saviour has taught us to place all our virtue in fear and distrust of ourselves. Would you, we may exclaim, hazard your own soul and that of your neighbour by the indulgence of a foolish vanity? Look, therefore, with horror upon the exposure of the bosom and all other indecencies! When these absurdities are even committed without any premeditated passion, they, at least, savour strongly of vanity, and betray an unbridled desire to please. Does this variety justify, before God and man, so rash and scandalous a conduct, and so likely to be imitated by others? This blind passion of pleasing, is it conformable to a christian character, which should consider every thing as idolatrous, that perverts the love of God, and kindles the contempt of his creatures? When such giddy female characters strive to please – what is their real object? Is it not to excite the passions of men? And can they regulate these passions when in their possession? If women go too far, ought they not to be answerable for the consequences? And do they not always go too far, when their minds have been but little enlightened? You are absolutely preparing a subtile and deadly poison, and pouring it on the spectators beneath, and yet you imagine yourself innocent! When you address your pupils in this strong manner, add to it, the example of those whom modesty has recommended, and those whom indelicacy has covered with dishonor. Above every thing, never suffer children's minds to be filled with ideas that suit not with their condition. Repress severely all their whims and fantasies – shew them the inevitable danger which follows – and how much they make themselves despised by wise and discreet people, in thus assuming a character which does not belong to them.

What now remains to be effected, is, the managing of children of high and animated spirit. If care be not taken of this, when they have any vivacity, they intrigue: they wish to speak on every topic: they decide on works the least calculated for their capacity, and affect, through extreme delicacy, to be easily fatigued and overpowered. A girl should never speak but when necessity prompts: and then, with an air of deference and doubt: they should never even discuss subjects above the level of a common understanding, how well soever versed in them. Let a child possess a good memory and vivacity – shew pleasant little turns, and a facility of graceful eloquence – all these qualifications she may have in common with a great number of other stupid and contemptible women. But an exact and uniform conduct – an equal and regulated spirit – when to be silent, and when to speak – these rare qualifications will indeed distinguish her among her sex. As to squeamish delicacy and affectation of ennui, she must be repressed in both – by shewing her that a correct taste and good understanding consist in accommodating oneself to every thing in proportion to its utility.

Good sense and virtue are alone estimable. These will teach her to consider disgust and ennui, not as a commendable delicacy, but as the weakness of a diseased mind.

Since one must sometimes associate with gross characters, and mingle in occupations not altogether congenial – reason, which is the only real delicacy to be indulged, should instruct us to accommodate ourselves according to every emergency. An understanding which knows in what true politeness consists, and practises it, but which aspires to objects beyond it, in the hope of enjoying more solid attainments – is infinitely superior to delicate and merely polite characters, who are subject to be disgusted by their own nicety and refined taste.

CHAPTER XI

Instruction of Women in their Duties

Let us now discuss, in detail, those particulars of which it is the duty of a woman to be well informed. What are her employments? She is charged with the education of her children – of the boys, till a certain age – of the girls till they are married; of the conduct, manners, and morals of her domestic attendants; of the whole detail of household expenses; of the means of managing every thing with credit and economy; and sometimes, of the regulation of farms and the receipt of profits which arise from them.

Women, as well as men, should adapt their pursuits in literature and science to their situations and functions in life; and according to their occupations, should be their studies. We must, therefore, confine the instruction of women to the foregoing circumstances. But a curious woman, wishing to pry into every thing, may fancy that these instructions will confine her curiosity within narrow limits indeed – she is mistaken, because she knows not the importance and extent of the particulars in which I wish her to be instructed.

What discernment is necessary to know the disposition and genius of each of her children! to find out the proper mode of conduct so as to discover their humours, inclinations, and talents! to check those passions which are born with them, to inculcate good maxims, and to cure them of their errors! What prudence should she possess, to acquire and preserve authority over them, without forfeiting their confidence and esteem! Has she not also need of observing and thoroughly knowing those people whom she places near them? Undoubtedly she has: a mother of a family ought to be completely instructed in religion, and to possess a mature firm mind, adapted to, and experienced in, the government of her children.

Can it be supposed that women ought not to be explicitly and formally instructed in these duties, because they naturally fall into them during the lives of their husbands, who are generally engaged in business from home? Or, if widows, they still attend to them more closely? St. Paul generally attaches the salvation of mothers to the good education of daughters; for by these, he assures them, they will be saved.

I do not here take upon me to explain all that a woman ought to know for the education of her daughters; because such a memorial would make them sufficiently feel the extent of that knowledge which it is their duty to obtain.

To the government of families, add economy. The greater part of women neglect it as a mean consideration, fit only for country folks or farmers; or, at best, for innkeepers and housekeepers. Women nursed in the lap of affluence, luxury, and idleness, not only neglect, but despise, this domestic virtue; and seem to be forgetful of a middle state between the rusticity of a peasant, and the wildness of a Canadian savage. If you speak to them of the sale of corn, of the cultivation of lands, of the different kinds of revenue, of the receipt or raising of rents and other seignoral rights, of the best method of laying out farms, and appointing receivers, they imagine that you wish to reduce them to occupations, unworthy of their rank and character.

Ignorance is the offspring of their contempt for economy. The ancient Greeks and Romans, so distinguished for their ability and politeness, studied economy with the utmost care: some of their finest writers, from their own experience, have composed works which we still possess, and in which they give an account of the latest improvements of agriculture. It is well known that even their conquerors did not disdain to work in the field; and instances have come down to us in which the splendor of a triumph was followed by the care and conduct of a plough. All this is so foreign to our own customs and manners, that we should not credit it if it were not supported by historical truth. But is it not natural that the defence or augmentation of a country should be subordinate to the ultimate object of cultivating it peaceably? Of what advantage is victory, if it enable us not to gather the fruits of peace? After all, solidity of intellect consists in wishing to be exactly informed of the way in which those things operate, which constitute the foundations of human life: the greatest occurrences are regulated by this principle. The strength and felicity of a country consists not in the possession of provinces badly cultivated, but in the enjoyment of those productions of the earth which are necessary and sufficient for the sustenance of a numerous people.

Without doubt it requires a more elevated and comprehensive genius to be instructed and well informed in all the particulars relating to economy, and to be thereby able to regulate an entire family (which is a little republic), than to play, talk of the fashions, and be expert in all the little polite arts of conversation. That is a contemptible mind indeed, which aspires not beyond perfection in the talent of conversation: one sees, on all sides, women whose discourse is full of sound sense and solid maxims – while this conduct is replete with frivolousness and absurdity – the effect of not applying by times to better pursuits.

But take care of the opposite defect: women run a risk of being in extremes in every thing. It would be advisable for them, from their infancy, to have the management of some trifling affair – to keep accounts – to see the mode of bargaining for what they purchase, and to know how each thing should be made to answer a good use. Take care, also, that economy borders not on avarice: shew them, in detail, all the absurdities attendant on this latter passion. Tell them that "avarice gains little, and dishonors itself greatly." A reasonable mind will seek, in a frugal and laborious life, only how to avoid the shame and injustice attached to a prodigal and ruinous conduct. Superfluous expenses are to be retrenched as they enable a person to devote a portion of money to satisfy the claims of benevolence, friendship, and charity: great gain is frequently the result of seasonable forbearance: good order and management, and not sordid savings, are the source of profit. Do not fail to expose the gross error of those female economists who pertinaceously forbid a mold candle, while they suffer their whole affairs to be subjected to the knavery or rapacity of a steward. Respect propriety as well as economy. Accustom young people to do nothing in a slovenly and disorderly manner, and to remark the least disarrangement in a house. Make them also sensible that nothing so much contributes to propriety and economy, as the keeping of every thing in its proper place. This rule appears too trifling to mention; nevertheless it goes a great way if it be rigidly observed. For instance – are you in want of any thing? not a moment is lost in finding it – there is neither trouble, disputation, nor embarrassment attending its search: you put your hand immediately upon it, and when satisfied, replace it in the situation where you found it. This nice order constitutes one of the essential parts of propriety; and every eye is struck with the neat appearance of so exact an arrangement. Moreover, a particular place allotted to each article, not only has a pleasing appearance, but, in reality, tends to the preservation of that article. It is used less than it otherwise would be – it is not so frequently spoilt by accident – it is even more respected and treasured: for example, a vase would never be covered with dust, or become liable to be broken, if it were instantly put away after being done with. A passion for arranging things orderly, produces a love of neatness; and this will appear very advantageous, if it be considered that by such means servants are never encouraged in idleness and confusion. Again, something is gained by making their service prompt and easy, and depriving us of an opportunity of becoming impatient and impetuous, which is generally the case when things cannot be found from confusion and irregularity.

At the same time, avoid the excess of politeness and propriety. When propriety is within moderation, it is a virtue; but when we consult too much our own tastes and fancies, it is converted into a littleness of mind. Good taste rejects excessive delicacy: it treats little matters as little ones, and is not hurt at any unpleasant consequences resulting therefrom. Ridicule, before children, those knick-knacks and gewgaws, of which some women are prodigiously fond, and which lead them insensibly into unwarrantable expenses. Accustom young people to a propriety and decorum which is simple and easy of practice – shew them the best way of managing things – but shew them also the advantage of slighting them. Tell them how paltry and contemptible it is to grumble if a dish be badly seasoned, if a curtain be unevenly folded, or a chair be too high or too low.

It is undoubtedly better to be naturally coarse, than to have an overweening delicacy in matters of little moment. This pernicious delicacy, if not repressed in women of understanding, is more dangerous as it regards conversation than every thing else: to females of this stamp, the greater part of mankind appears insipid or fatiguing: the least deviation from politeness is monstrous: and they are always ridiculing and disgusted. Make such women know betimes that nothing is so injudicious as judging superficially of people by their manners, instead of examining the very bottom of their intellect, their sentiments and useful qualities. Convince them, by a variety of proofs, how much a country woman, with a coarse or even ridiculous manner, but with a good heart and sound understanding, is more estimable than a courtisan, who, under an acquired politeness, hides an ungrateful and unjust heart, capable of every meanness and dissimulation. Observe also, that those characters are always weak which incline to idleness and disgust. There is no one whose conversation is so bad, as that some good may not, occasionally, be drawn from it; and although a person at liberty would prefer choosing the best characters to converse with, yet there is some consolation, when reduced to converse with inferior characters, that we may make them talk on subjects that they understand, from which, perhaps, some information may be gained. But let us now return to those particulars in which a girl should be instructed.