Some time ago, I started watching Ancient Aliens. The first season seemed pretty good to me. Moreover, after many episodes I had unusual and rather mysterious dreams, many of which featured Thiaoouba and Thao.
In one dream, Thao told me that she died from poisoning after spraying gas in the middle of a crop field.
In another dream, Thao walked into the train carriage and then realized that it was too late (something bad happened). If I remember correctly, this realization came when the doors were closing.
There was another a dream, teaching about learning the basics of a computer program in order to use it the right way. At that time, I studied many computer programs, and I think that the dream was related to the fact that I immediately jumped to learning about the final functionality of those programs, and not learning about what lies at their basis – the foundation from which all the rest of the functionality is growing out. Having an understanding of the fundamental basis of something, we will be able to figure out and understand the principle of operation of everything that grows from that simple basis.
And another dream was different in that at the very end, when I climbed over the school fence, the picture stopped and three-dimensional words appeared in front of me. A male voice read them out loud: “The dream is coming soon. It is more upset than it is revealed”. Immediately I woke up, and after a second the noisy bank conditioners turned on. They would definitely wake me up since the noise was unbearable. By the way, I managed to get to the workwear shop on my street and buy construction headphones with good noise reduction; thanks to them, sleep has become much peaceful. As for the “coming dream,” it actually came during another night, and it really did not “reveal” much. But the reason for these dreams, as I think, was to show me that dreams that occur on different days can be the continuation of each other.
On the first of February 2011, I had a dream where I spoke with Thao, and when I asked her if it was her who helped me, she said that it was not (maybe she said that it was just a dream). Then I began to suspect that it was also a dream, and she was not the real Thao. I asked her to tell me about my Aura, expecting from her to answer that she sees black, but she said that the Aura was orange. In a dream, it was clear to me that she was not the real Thao, but when I woke up and looked up the meaning of the orange Aura, I discovered that it refers to sex and, like black, has a good connection to my essence.
I am writing about this dream because in the following months I had other dreams that featured the same beautiful girl with long blond hair, whom I considered Thao in those dreams, even though she was in a different body. In one dream the “other” Thao was sitting at the bench with me and with someone else. I think some guy started pestering her and I stood up for her, which cooled the bully, and the other Thao clearly noted my help. In another dream the same other Thao was in a dental clinic, and a female voice was telling me that people on all planets, no matter how depressed, take care of their health. This is not quite an accurate quote, since I did not record that dream at the time, but at that time I had a bad tooth, which I went to fill in a paid clinic long time ago. Caries formed on the side of my tooth next to other one, and I could not go to cure that tooth because of my health – once I started to lose consciousness on the dentist’s chair, which she fortunately noticed right away and gave me ammonia – and I was afraid that, due to poor health that I had at the time, I might get not well again.
As for the real Thao, there was another interesting dream in which she lived in a medieval European church. There were people covered in blood inside it, and they were afraid that I was a demon. They were looking for proof that I was not the demon, and when they got it, I walked inside and went to see Thao, interrupting her conversation with another man. They were both dressed in black clothes. We came back to the hall with people. Next we were going to go to a private room, and at that time an indecent thought about sex came out of my mind (in fact this was the same word that my classmate mentioned in the ninth grade), and Thao, having read it, fell silent, and the smile disappeared from her faces. We stayed with everyone else. Then, recalling my old dream about the dugout, I began to timidly ask her if werewolves actually exist. She said nothing and only frowned, lowering her eyes.
In another dream with Thao I “joked”, but she did not find it funny. The dream had to do with my habit of imagining different situations which, with my knowledge of the time, seemed normal, but in reality they were not.
I also had one single dream about Jesus. I only remember that I was sitting at a school desk in front of him, and I felt the same sense of awe that Michel Desmarquet had when he saw Thaora for the first time. I do not remember anything that was said in that dream, but I found the symbolism of the school theme where Jesus was a teacher.
When I finished watching the first season of the aforementioned program, I thought that I had learned a lot of new and interesting things since in general I liked the season. But then I started re-reading Thiaoouba Prophecy. I was slightly shocked at how much garbage was in my head after watching various programs about the unknown and ufology. That “knowledge” was essentially completely contrary to the truths in Michel Desmarquet's book. Self-cleaning took some time, and I decided that, firstly, I would try to remember better what is written in the book, and secondly, I would try not to read and watch anything that relates to the above topics. In fact, this was no longer necessary, since I already had knowledge thanks to my personal experience.
Another important point of those times was that the return to computer games led me to discover streaming platforms, on which people play video games and stream this process on the Internet live. Almost all streamer sites have chats. The first such website that I found was www.Goodgame.ru, which was created by a person with the nickname Miker, and, as it turned out later, he was also called a “бобр” (beaver) for some reason. Earlier, while still in school, my friends and I watched his WarCraft 3 VODs; we often played that videogame with each other over the network. Since not everyone had a computer and the Internet, quite often we would get together to play the game in my house when my mother was in the village. Then I found out about www.twitch.tv, but I began to watch it only after many years, which was strange since it was a great opportunity to be learning English.
Speaking of which, I still learned English by watching videos on YouTube. In addition to educational informative videos, I also watched video games.
There was one guy playing “Thief”. I liked to discover the story of the game, and I liked with what diligence and expression that youtuber read the text, and indeed was immersed in the game world, giving it his soul. After watching his walkthrough of two parts of that game, I decided to watch his walkthrough of a game called “Dead Space”, which he recorded some time after Thief. This time he was playing not alone, but with a company of other people. At first, I did not attach much importance to some weird “jokes”. But when that guy started saying some unflattering things about the female character in that game, calling her by different swear words and gesturing with the main character behind her butt, I lost all respect for that person. Naturally, this was not because he clearly spoke maliciously about a non-existent computer character, it was because by such behavior he showed his disrespect for all women. Just in case, I decided to check out his latest video – what if the presence of his friends contributed to his disgusting behavior? This can happen. But no. The last video had as much obscene language as I had never heard while learning English. And in all this, one could clearly feel the hatred and bitterness towards everyone and everything. I unsubscribed from him and thought about writing a comment about it, so that perhaps this would somehow help him to become the same normal and interesting person that he used to be. But I did not dare to do this, because at that time I began to worry more and more what others might think of me or tell me something negative.
Speaking of negativity, I remember how someone wrote me a very rude comment and I was literally shaking while writing my answer, trying to better clarify the situation. I do not remember exactly what preceded such a regression, but maybe that moment with the Indian girl subconsciously contributed to such negative changes, as well as another unpleasant event when I was telling with stupors about my life story to a person who approached to me in a square where I was sitting. When I turned my head, I realized that some man with a newspaper in his hands was laughing at me. It was very unpleasant and in the following years I sometimes fantasized about what I could have done to him if I had a weapon – it was wrong, and I doomed myself to even greater suffering with that fantasy. I did not want to have negativity in my life and I often tried to avoid it, even if it meant not to open social networks for a long time.
I do not know why this was happening at that time… I remember how often I asked my mother in early childhood whether she loved me and wanted her to pity me. Perhaps I just wanted love and care, but could not get it from people?
Returning to the video games, I came across channel of a youtuber that became popular after the walkthrough of “Dead Rising 2: Case Zero”, and since then I watched almost only him because he was similar to me in many things, and, most importantly, he was a kind and decent person. Of course, he also used “bad” words, but in his intonation there was no signs of anger, which made those words not so bad.
Watching streams was taking a lot of my time, and I almost completely stopped studying and working. I remember how I spent literally all summer watching a streamer try to play through Half-Life 2 without dying. Looking back, it was a terrible waste of time, but there is a reason for everything… The only shining moment was in the fact that I stopped holding the grudge against the first episode of that game, admitting that I was to blame for scarring my lip, and not the game, which is just a tool.
At school I was afraid of fights because my body could be damaged, but in fact I myself caused damage to myself due to my decisions…
That summer I almost completely gave up on myself, thinking that I would no longer have a normal life. I just spent my days awaiting death which, as I thought, could occur at any moment since I could not go anywhere due to severe cardiac arrhythmia. I was sick and I was very tired. For these reasons there was one moment when I was lying in bed, and I began to see a dark tunnel in front of my eyes. I wanted and tried to fly down it because I knew that my physical body would die and I would say goodbye to this life. But the vision of the tunnel passed, accompanied by some knocking sounds in my apartment which was a clear sign of the incorrectness of my desires.
Additionally, my health condition worsened due to the fact that the four air conditioners of the bank continued to make a lot of noise – more than ever. In addition to the air conditioners, a very strong buzz from the bank's ventilation devices was added. My earphones slightly suppressed the noise of the air conditioners, but that low-frequency rumble quietly passed through them. In addition to noise and hum, we also suffered from vibration passing from the floor. The reason was clearly the bank's air conditioners, since when the devices were turned off there was no vibration. We tried to place sponges for washing dishes and old magazines under the legs of the beds, but this did not help for long.
But on the other hand, help continued to come from the people of Thiaoouba in the form of a series of dreams that I had on different days.
In the first dream, which I had before I left the film and TV Series groups, the following was said: “We will be giving you messages. Some we will allow you to keep and some not”. After that, I had a dream in which I was waiting for the message that I could keep. Messages actually came.
In the first dream I was told that I should stop masturbating. What was interesting in this message was the feeling of the presence of a great mind. I almost always used the word “дрочить” (to jerk off) to describe my actions. Instead the word “masturbate” was used in the dream, and I could feel that the being whom belonged that beautiful female voice was highly intellectual and spiritual.
There was a time when I was able not to masturbate for a very long time and requested the next dream. It came.
One dream from this series said that I should not quarrel with my mother; another said that I should start educating myself; the next one said that I needed to stop talking to myself.
These instructions were given to me a couple of years ago, and I tried to follow them. I had problems with the first and last. But on the other hand, I was studying various things and I almost always politely spoke with my mother, even if she was in a bad mood.
Due to my physical and mental state I completely forgot many important details of my life. Only in the spring of 2013, leaving my house for a walk, I thought about something and suddenly realized that these four messages are the exact copy of my own four rules which I wrote down a long time ago and hung on the glass of the kitchen door in order to remember! I did not know then that this was one of the most important moments of my life, followed by very important unforeseen consequences. I had other dreams with messages the contents of which I forgot – these were the dreams that I could not keep.
This understanding shed light on another message from Thiaooubians which said: “Ты всё правильно говоришь” (You are saying everything correctly). For a long time I thought that they meant my thoughts about earthly problems and how to solve them, but then I realized that most likely they were referring to my four rules. Or maybe they meant both – who knows?
But even though some of my thoughts were correct, my actions did not follow them. I watched the news and was unhappy with what they said about public order, money, and so on. After reading Thiaoouba Prophecy, I perfectly understood that a truly civilized society should live without money, which is the main danger to people. The political system is also unnecessary, which has no place in a united society that elects its leaders based on their spiritual parameters, such as: wisdom, common sense, integrity, and intelligence. A lot of interesting and important things were said by Thiaooubians about religion and journalists, which I have already briefly talked about. And so, I expressed to myself my dissatisfaction with the wrong and unjust things pronounced by many “high-ranking” people. Then I received a message saying: “You’re not doing anything to help either”. It was so…
Although I already knew the truth about stuttering for a long time, the consequences of many years spent hiding from people who could talk to me still had their effect. And the recent negative events with the girls were an additional barrier. But after that dream I started trying to do at least something. Sometimes I wrote comments to some videos, sometimes I wrote about my experience on ufology forums, which I have not visited ever since, or visited them many years later to understand that even ufologists were rather skeptical about both Thiaoouba and me. I also thought about making a video about my experience with Auras, but I constantly put off this idea…
Once a girl replied to me in the comments. She did not read the book because there were no “quotations” in it. She did not even bother to find out what kind of book this was. I told her about my experience and that we can learn on our own experience about the existence of many things that are mentioned in the book. I told her about the simplest thing that can be done to prove to oneself about the existence of the Higher Self – to ask your own Higher Self to wake you up at a certain time in the morning. She did not listen and continued to talk about her “quotations”… Of course, you should not judge other people by looking at one person, but this still shows that at present there are very few people who are ready to engage in self-development. Many people think that everything should be given to them just like that… of course, to some extent I myself had a similar point of view before I found Michel's book…
My four rules were not the only thing that I forgot about because of my decision to continue living in my head. It may seem strange, but for some time I was upset that I had never had sex with a girl, and only after some time I remembered about my experience with prostitutes. However, is it correct to count that experience in if this happened not because we loved each other, but because those girls were some of the victims of capitalism?
During that same spring of 2013, I went to read an American health forum. It had a lot of topics about sex and related problems. Someone asked about the physiology of the body, someone inquired about the age limits, and others worried about their labia, fearing that their partner would not like them.
The latter interested me, because the answer said that the labia are different, and if the person is normal, then he will love the girl for who she is. Another woman said that her lady bits are simply enormous, and on the contrary her partner really likes it.
It was exactly then that I felt an electric touch on my hand! Looking at the clock, I saw that it showed 33 minutes.
Thanks to that topic on the forum, I began to fantasize at night before going to bed. My imagination led me to fantasies about Natasha, who took my virginity. I continued to dream about her, and every fantasy revealed more and more real details… and then the block that I put on myself at the last minute of my visit to Natasha was dissipated!
The feeling of love that I had for Natasha six years ago immediately returned to me. I was in exactly the same state as I was when I fell in love with her! I had a feeling that it was as if I had returned to the past, for everything became so clear to me!
But then it became clear how much time had passed, and I was in despair!
Chapter 7. Half-Life
For many years I did not ride the subway because of my health condition, and therefore I could not immediately go to Avtozavodskaya.
Every day I went outside, trying to go further and further. I hated myself for making a decision so many years ago to block my love and memory of Natasha. I hated myself for the fact that this was the second time that I deliberately blocked a person by putting up a mental barrier with false or incomplete information.
Previously, all my thoughts about Natasha led me to the misty thought that she herself made her choice – to my block that I set up for myself and which worked so perfectly. For a moment I began to remember her during my English classes, but the block did not allow all the important knowledge about Natasha to flow outside.
Every day I experienced the wildest heartache inside of my chest, remembering what I did. It was as if I was being devoured by a black hole from inside, and it was not possible to get out.
There was a moment when in early childhood my mother and I just left the house in Moscow when I felt a pain in my stomach. We returned home, and for a long time I experienced the most terrible pain in my life. I do not know what was the cause of it, but I know that the mental pain that I experienced every day was not any easier, and maybe much more intense! I thought I was going to die.
I remember how a simple mention of Turkey evoked in me memories of Natasha and of the whole situation. I could hear about Turkey in the news, at a clothing store, or just from passers-by on the street. The torment lasted for a very long time.
Sometimes I blamed myself for my mistakes so much that tears would come out. On one such day I walked through the entrance door of my house and began to get the newspaper out of the mailbox. It is located next to the elevator, near which a young girl with blond and slightly curly hair was standing. She entered the elevator and said that she was waiting for me, pressing the button to open the closing elevator door. I replied that I was walking to the second floor. She was persistent, again not allowing the elevator door to close, and I decided to let her give me a ride on the elevator to my floor. She was joking about something, and the small experience of communication, which I did not evolve for all those years, made its presence felt. I could not start saying my name, realizing that I would speak with a stupor. When I got out of the elevator, the girl continued to be unswerving and asked me if I had a marker. I realized that she wants to get my phone number. Fortunately, I had with me a bag and a pen in it. I told her about this, and I will never forget how quickly her smile was replaced by a shock on her face that was hiding behind the elevator door, the closing of which she no longer tried to stop.
I was quite worried about this moment, as I missed my chance to have a girlfriend – and I missed it because of my fault. I thought before that that I could fantasize, so as not to be depressed and sad, and when I would need it, I would just regain my focus. After all, before I discovered for myself how easy it was – just start focusing on what is happening in reality. But as soon as such an important moment in my life came, the moment I was waiting for —I just could not free myself from the shackles of the imagination and its consequences. I thought later, were there any other reasons for her shock? My long hair clearly did not bother her; clothes too; no, it had to be the nervous and intense facial expression of my face.
I was being haunted by thoughts wondering what if this was my last chance to find a girlfriend? And when I would become focused on here and now again, then, in light of how easy it is to gain control of my mind, I was blaming myself for not doing this before – because I could already be with a girlfriend, and not with my hand! By the way, I had a dream about the latter on the same night which, apparently, hinted at the fact that I should not have hopes that the girl would suddenly change her mind.
That summer I stopped following the emerging desires to visit porn sites and masturbate for the first time in a long time. My goal was to get to that apartment and talk to Natasha – to explain everything. Alas, I still masturbated from time to time. But this was happening not only due to porn. During that time, I often had cases when I woke up in the middle of the night and masturbated in a drowsy state, realizing what had happened only after an orgasm, when I truly woke up. My health also deteriorated because of such masturbation, delaying the date of my voyage further and further.
In the end, I could not stand it anymore and decided to just go and get on the subway train – what shall be, shall be. It was not an easy trip, especially the passage to Teatralnaya – the passage I used to go along so often as a child, both to my grandmother and to my aunt, who lived at different ends of the Zamoskvoretskaya line.
When I went outside on Avtozavodskaya, it was raining. I myself went under an umbrella along Avtozavodskaya Street to the very house where I was six years ago.
I crossed Velozavodskaya street and entered the courtyard of the corner house. I always remembered the entrance I needed, but which was the floor? For a long time, I stood at the entrance under the rain, dialing different apartment numbers, hoping that someone would simply open the door. Finally, it got opened, and I went inside the building. A man on the second floor said that this was definitely not the apartment I was looking for. But the story was different on the third floor.
Fortunately or unfortunately, but the door was opened by a woman who rented her apartment six years ago to a man who organized a den there without her knowledge. From that very room where I was with Natasha, the woman’s young daughter silently peered out.
From my conversation with the woman I found out that the man was wanted by the police in August 2007. She did not understand who was that Natasha I was talking about, and I think she did not know that her apartment was once a brothel. But she gave me useful information regarding the address of the local police station. I said goodbye to her and left that house for the third time in my life.
The precinct was closed. I wrote down the phone and drove home, noting how my fears had gone, and I was also confident in myself, and my physical condition was once again excellent.
When I called the district police officer, he told me that there was a murder in that apartment in the middle of August 2007. I was afraid that it could be Natasha, but he replied that a guard had been killed. He was busy with another case and could not help me in my search. To my questions he offered to call the archive to find out the details. I did so, but the man on the other end of the phone line said that they did not reveal such things on the phone, adding that for that I should come to their precinct where they would look at me.
I was confused by “we will look at you”. I was 25 years old then, and I was afraid that they could nitpick to the fact that I did not serve in the army. I had the military ID, but, as I was told, in three years they could again send me for examination of my stuttering. I did not go anywhere.
By the way, I often recalled the fact that Natasha spoke about the 25-year-old virgin who came to her once. I was 19 then. But there I was, 25 years old, and I was essentially exactly the same virgin. Being already more or less spiritual person, I saw in that figure a specific meaning, a specific lesson for me. This was not “just a coincidence”.
I did not like my age as I felt pretty old. If before people called me “a young man”, now they could call me simply “a man”. I tried not to think about my age and I tried to occupy my mind with something else.
I wanted to find the phone number that I used to call prostitutes six years ago, but I remembered that it was not only deleted by me upon arrival home on the day of my last visit to Natasha, but the phone itself was broken. I remembered that I still had an old SIM card, and on the Internet I found out that you can get a statement of all the numbers that I called. I went through a lot of phone stores until they told me that the card was not only blocked, but the entire call history was already erased. Oh, how I remember that perplexed look down of that pretty sales assistant! The situation was really perplexed.
I also tried to find Natasha on VK, but to no avail. I even found the phones of some dens near the Avtozavodskaya area, hoping to find at least something. I remember that I even got slightly misty-eyed, speaking on the phone – so bad I felt. One woman was imbued with my situation and actively tried to help, but nothing.
I also thought about going to the police station, but I did not dare to actually do it.
During my reflections on the whole situation, I started seeing some details that I had not seen before. Firstly, I realized that “have been working for six months” said in June meant that Natasha remained on the street in the middle of the Russian winter. I knew well what this means when one winter a homeless woman entered a subway car with terrible festering sores all over her body. Then the people who were next to her rushed in panic to the other end of the car… Secondly, thanks to my life experience I began to see that Natasha could have had problems with her parents – just as at nineteen I left my drunken father to go back to my mother in a noisy apartment. Yes, she did make her choice, but what was the alternative? Who knows…
In the end, I calmed down and was able to look at the facts without strong emotions. The murder happened two months after my last visit to Natasha. Since prostitution was not legal in Russia, the chances are that she simply ran away with everyone else. This would explain the fact that the woman did not know what was happening in her apartment. The policeman said that he well remembers the details of that case, but, unfortunately, I could not ask him if they had any information about Natasha or not. Then it was still summer, and Natasha had time before the winter to find work – normal work. And if she could not do this, then perhaps she could go to her father and live with him until she found something. Life gave her a second chance to make the right choice. And as for me, I came to terms with the fact that time had gone… Who knows, maybe she got married, has children, and lives a happy life, while I am beating myself up because of her?
During the events described above, I received two telepathic messages from Thao.
The first one came to me during my lamentation about Natasha. I thought that had I helped her, I could have lived a happy life. And even if she would refuse to go with me, my declaration of love and my desire to help her would still help me start looking for a girlfriend in Moscow, which would in turn help me to get rid of masturbation and, consequently, health problems. While I was thinking about all this, beating myself up in the middle of the day, I received a telepathic message from Thao. She spoke in a clear voice in English, saying that in that case I would not have met her, Biastra and others. It is so.
Many telepathic messages and dreams from my friends from Thiaoouba contained information that was mainly useful to me alone. These messages were addressed to me personally to help me get out of the terrible mental and psychological state I was in.