Sheppard Lee, Written by Himself. Vol. II (of 2)

CHAPTER XVI.
IN WHICH IT IS RELATED WHAT BECAME OF THE AUTHOR AFTER BEING HANGED

Here, it would seem, that my history should find its natural close; but I hope to convince the world that a man may live to record his own death and burial. I say burial; for, from all I have heard, I judge that I was buried as well as hanged, and that I lay in the earth in a coarse deal coffin, from two o'clock in the afternoon of a November day, until nine at night; when certain young doctors of the village, who were desirous to show their skill in anatomy, came to the place of execution, and dug up the three best bodies, of which, as my good luck would have it, my own was one – Zip the fiddler's being another, while the third was that of a young fellow named Sam, notorious for nothing so much as a great passion he had for butting with his head against brick walls, or even stone ones, provided they were smooth enough.

The young anatomists, previous to hacking us, resolved to try some galvanic experiments on us, having procured a battery for that purpose; and they invited a dozen or more respectable gentlemen to be present, and witness the effects of that extraordinary fluid, galvanism, on our lifeless bodies.

The first essayed was that of the unfortunate Scipio, who, being well charged, began, to the admiration of all present, to raise first one arm, and then the other, then to twist the fingers of his left hand in a peculiar way, as if turning a screw, inclining his head the while towards his left shoulder, and then to saw the air, sweeping his right hand to and fro across his breast, with great briskness and energy, the fingers of his left titillating at the air all the while, so as to present the lively spectacle of a man playing the fiddle; and, indeed, it was judged, so natural was every motion, that had the party been provided with a fiddle and bow to put into his hands, they would have played such a jig as would have set all present dancing.

The next experiment tried was upon the body of Sam, whose muscles were speedily excited to exercise themselves in the way to which they had been most accustomed, though not in one so agreeable to the chief operator; for, in this case, the lifeless corse suddenly lifting up its head, bestowed it, with a jerk of propulsion equal in force to the but of a battering-ram, full against the stomach of the operator, whereby he was tumbled head over heels, and all the breath beaten out of his body.

The reader may suppose, as it was proved to be the virtue of galvanism to set the dead muscles doing those acts to which the living ones had been longest habituated, that I, upon being charged, could do nothing less than throw myself upon my hands and knees, and go galloping about the table, as I had been used to do over the lawn, when master Tommy was mounted upon my back.

Such, however, was not the fact. The first thing I did upon feeling the magical fluid penetrate my nerves, was to open my eyes and snap them twice or thrice; the second to utter a horrible groan, which greatly disconcerted the spectators; and the third to start bolt upright on my feet, and ask them "what the devil they were after?" In a word, I was suddenly resuscitated, and to the great horror of all present, doctors and lookers-on, who, fetching a yell, that caused me to think I had got among condemned spirits in purgatory, fled from the room, exclaiming that I "was the devil, and no niggur!" What was particularly lamentable, though I was far from so esteeming it, one of them, a young gentleman who had come to the exhibition out of curiosity, being invited by one of the doctors, was so overcome with terror, that before he reached the door of the room he fell down in a fit, and being neglected by the others, none of whom stopped to give him help, expired on the spot.

As for me, the cause of all the alarm, I believe I was ten times more frightened than any of the spectators, especially when I came to recollect that I had just been hanged, and that I would, in all probability, be hanged again, unless I now succeeded in making my escape. As for the cause of my resuscitation, and the events that accompanied it, I was then entirely ignorant of them; and, indeed, I must confess I learned them afterward out of the newspapers. I knew, however, that I had been hanged, and that I had been, by some extraordinary means or other, brought to life again; and I perceived that if I did not make my escape without delay, I should certainly be recaptured by the returning doctors.

I ran towards the door, and then, for the first time, beheld that unfortunate spectator who had fallen dead, as I mentioned before, and lay upon the floor with his face turned up. I recollected him on the instant, as being a young gentleman whom I had once or twice seen at my late master's house. All that I knew of him was, that his name was Megrim, that he was reputed to be very wealthy, and a great genius, or, as some said, eccentric, and that he was admired by the ladies, and, doubtless, because he was a genius.

As I looked him in the face, I heard in the distance the uproar of voices, which had succeeded the flight of the doctors, suddenly burst out afresh, with the sound of returning footsteps; and a loud bully-like voice, which I thought very much like that of the under-turnkey at the prison – a man whom I had learned to fear – cried out, "Let me see your devil; for may I be cussed up hill and down hill if I ever seed a bigger one than myself."

Horrible as was the voice, I was not dismayed. I saw at my feet a city of refuge, into which my enemies could not pursue me. My escape was within my own power.

"Master," said I, touching my head (for I had no hat) to the corpse, "if it is all the same to you, I beg you'll let me take possession of your body."

As I pronounced the words the translation was effected, and that so rapidly, that just as I drew my first breath in the body of Mr. Megrim, it was knocked out of me by the fall of my old one, which – I not having taken the precaution to stand a little to one side – fell down like a thunderbolt upon me, bruising me very considerably about the precordia.

In this state, being half suffocated, and somewhat frightened, I was picked up and carried away by my new friends, and put to bed, where, having swallowed an anodyne, I fell directly sound asleep.

And here, before proceeding farther, I will say, that the doctors and their friends were greatly surprised to discover my late body lying dead, having expected to find it as animated as when they left it. But by-and-by, having reflected that the galvanism, or artificial life, infused into its nerves had been naturally exhausted at last, whereupon it as naturally followed that the body should return to its lifeless condition, they began to aver that the most surprising part of the business was, that it had kept me alive so long, and enabled me, after groaning and speaking as I had actually done, to walk so far from the table on which I had been lying.

On the whole, the phenomenon was considered curious and wonderful; and an account of it having been drawn up by the doctors, and headed "Extraordinary Case of the Effects of Galvanism on a Dead Body," it was printed for the benefit of scientific men throughout the world, in a medical journal, where, I doubt not, it may be found at this day.

BOOK VII

WHICH IS INTENDED AS A PENDANT TO BOOK I., AND CONTAINS THE HISTORY OF A YOUNG GENTLEMAN OF FORTUNE

CHAPTER I.
CONTAINING AN INKLING OF THE LIFE AND HABITS OF MR. ARTHUR MEGRIM

Having been carried from the scene of my late transformation, as I mentioned before, physicked, put to bed, and allowed to sleep off my troubles, I awoke late on the following morning, feeling very comfortable, notwithstanding the bruises on my ribs, and with an uncommonly agreeable, though lazy sense of the enjoyment of lying a-bed. Indeed, this was my only feeling. I woke to a consciousness, though a vague one, of the change in my condition; and this, together with what I saw around me, when I had succeeded, after some effort, in getting my eyes a little opened, it may be supposed, would have filled me with surprise, and excited in me a great curiosity to inquire into matters relating to Mr. Arthur Megrim.

Such, however, was not the case. I looked upon the elegantly-adorned chamber in which I lay, and the sumptuous robes of my bed, with as much indifference, as if I had been accustomed to them all my life; and as for the happy destiny that now seemed opening upon me, I scarce thought on it at all.

Nor can I say that I felt in any way elated at my fortunate escape from the hangman and the anatomists. I remembered that affair with a drowsy indifference as being a matter of no further consequence to me; and as for Mr. Arthur Megrim's friends and kinsmen, his interests and relations in life, I thought to myself, with a yawn, "I shall know them all in good time."

I was content to take things as they might come, and eschew labours of mind as well as efforts of body. Curiosity, I felt, was a tumultuous passion, and I therefore resolved to avoid it. In this mood I turned over on the other side, and took a second nap.

From this I was roused, after a time, by some one tugging at my shoulder, who proved, upon examination, to be a very elegant-looking mulatto-boy – that is, a boy of twenty-five years or thereabouts – who signified, in language as genteel as his person, that it was exactly half past eleven o'clock, and therefore time for me to get up.

"Augh – well!" said I, taking about thirty seconds to gape out each word, it seemed such tiresome work to articulate; "what do you want?"

"Want you to get up, sah. Missie Ann says it does you no good to sleep so long."

"Augh – who is Missie Ann?"

"Lar bless us," said the gentleman, turning up the white of his eye, "Missie Ann is massa's sister!"

"Who is massa?"

"You, massa – Massa Arthur!"

"Augh – well; and who are you?"

"'Paminondas, massa. Coat very nicely brushed; very fine day; will do you good, sah, to get up and taste the air. Regular Indian summer, sah."

"You may go to the devil."

"Yes, sah."

With that I turned over for another nap, which I should undoubtedly have taken, had I not been interrupted, just as I was falling asleep, by the entrance of a lady of a somewhat starched and venerable appearance, though not more than six or seven years older than myself, I being perhaps twenty-five or six.

"A'n't you ashamed of yourself, Arthur!" said she. "Do tell me – do you intend to lie a-bed for ever?"

"Augh – pshaw!" said I. "Pray, madam, be so good as to inform me who you are, and – augh – what you want in my chamber?"

"Come," said the lady, "don't be ridiculous, and fall into any of your hyppoes again. Don't pretend you don't know your own sister, Ann Megrim."

"I won't," said I; "but – augh – sister, if you have no objection, I should like – augh – to sleep till dinner is ready."

"Dinner!" screamed my sister, Ann Megrim; "don't suppose you will ever be able to eat a dinner again. You know the doctor says it is your hard eating and your laziness together that have destroyed your digestive apparatus; and that, if you don't adhere to the bran bread and hickory ashes tea, you'll never be cured in the world."

"What!" said I, "am I sick?"

"Undoubtedly," said my sister Ann; "your digestive apparatus is all destroyed, and your nerves too. Did not you faint last night when they were galvanizing the bodies? Have you not lost all muscular power, so that you do nothing but lie on a bed or sofa all day long? Oh, really, brother Arthur Megrim, I am ashamed of you. A man like you – a young man and a rich man, a man of family and genius, a gentleman and a scholar, a man who might make himself governor of the state, or president of the nation, or any thing – yet to be nothing at all except the laziest man in Virginia, a man with no digestive apparatus, a poor nervous hyppo – oh, it is too bad! Do get up and stir yourself. Mount your horse, or go out in the carriage. Exercise, you know, is the only thing to restore strength to the digestive apparatus."

"Sister Ann," said I, "the more you speak of my digestive apparatus, the more – augh – the more I am convinced you don't know what you are talking about. I am resolved to get up and eat my dinner – "

"Of bran bread and hickory ashes," said my sister.

"Of canvass-back ducks and terapins," said I. At which Miss Ann Megrim expressed terror and aversion, and endeavoured to convince me that such indulgence would be punished by a horrible indigestion, as had been the case a thousand times before.

But cogent as were her arguments, I had, or felt, one still stronger on my side, being a savage appetite, which was waking within that very digestive apparatus she held in such disesteem, and which became the more eager the more she besought me to resist it.

The discussion was so far advantageous that it set me wide awake; and by-and-by, the zealous Epaminondas having made his second appearance, I succeeded, with his assistance, in getting on my clothes and descending to the dining-room, where, to the great horror and grief of my affectionate relative, I demolished two ducks and a half (being the true canvass-backs, or white-backs, as they call them in that country), and a full grown tortoise, of the genus emys, and species palustris. And in this operation, I may say, I found the first excitement of pleasure which I had yet known in my new body, and displayed an energy of application of which I did not before know that I was capable. Nor am I certain that any ill consequences followed the meal. I felt, indeed, a strong propensity to throw myself on a sofa and recruit after the labours of eating; but this Miss Megrim resisted, insisting I should get into my carriage (for it seems I had one, and a very handsome one too), and drive about to avoid a surfeit.

In this I consented to gratify her wishes, whereby I gratified one of my own; for I fell sound asleep within five minutes after starting, and so remained until the excursion was over.

Then, being as hungry as ever, and not knowing what else to do, I picked my teeth over a newspaper, and nodded at a novel until supper was got ready, which (disregarding Miss Megrim's exhortations, as before) I attacked with the good-will I had carried to my dinner, eating on this occasion two terapins and a half and one whole duck, of the genus anas, and species vallisneria.¹

The only ill consequences were, that I dreamed of the devil and his imps all night, and that I awoke in a crusty humour next morning.

CHAPTER II.
THE HAPPY CONDITION IN WHICH SHEPPARD LEE IS AT LAST PLACED

If there be among my readers any person so discontented with his lot that he would be glad to exchange conditions with another, I think, had he been acquainted with Mr. Arthur Megrim, he would have desired an exchange with him above all other persons in the world; for Mr. Megrim possessed all those requisites which are thought to ensure happiness to a human being. He was young, rich, and independent; of a good family (he boasted the chivalrous blood of the Megrims); of a sound body, and serene temper; and with no appetite for those excesses which ruin the reputation, while they debase the minds and destroy the peace of youth. His years, as I have mentioned already, were twenty-five or six; his revenues were far above his wants, and enabled him to support his town-house, which was the most elegant one in the village, where he lived remote from the care and trouble of his plantations; and as for independence, that was manifestly complete, he being a bachelor, and the sole surviver of his family, excepting only his sister, Miss Ann Megrim, who managed his household, and thus took from his mind the only care that could otherwise have disturbed it.

What then in the whole world had Mr. Megrim to trouble him? Nothing on earth – and for that reason, to speak paradoxically, he was more troubled than any one else on earth. Labour, pain, and care – the evils which men are so apt to censure Providence for entailing upon the race – I have had experience enough to know, are essential to the true enjoyment of life, serving, like salt, pepper, mustard, and other condiments and spices, which are, by themselves, ungrateful to the palate, to give a relish to the dish that is insipid and cloying without them. Who enjoys health – who is so sensible of the rapture of being well, as he who has just been relieved from sickness? Who can appreciate the delightful luxury of repose so well as the labourer released from his daily toil? Who, in fine, tastes of the bliss of happiness like him who is introduced to it after a probation of suffering? The surest way to cure a boy of a love of cakes and comfils, is to put him apprentice to a confectioner. The truth is, that the sweets of life, enjoyed by themselves, are just as disgusting as the bitters, and can only be properly relished when alternated or mingled with the latter.

But as this is philosophy, and the reader will skip it, I will pursue the subject no further, but jump at once from the principle to the practical illustration, as seen in my history while a resident in the body of Mr. Arthur Megrim.

I was, on the sudden, a rich young man, with nothing on earth to trouble me. I had lands and houses, rich plantations, a nation or two of negroes, herds of sheep and cattle, with mills, fisheries, and some half dozen or more gold-mines, which last – and it may be considered, out of Virginia, a wondrous evidence of my wealth – were decidedly the least valuable of all my possessions. With all these things I was made acquainted by my sister Ann, or otherwise, it is highly probable, I should have known nothing about them; for during the whole period of my seventh existence, I confined myself to my property in the village, not having the least curiosity to visit my plantations, which, as everybody told me, were in good hands.

In the village itself I had every thing about me to secure happiness – a fine house, abundance of servants, the whole under the management of the best of housekeepers, my sister Ann, with horses and carriages – for which, however, I cared but little, thinking it laborious to ride, and as tedious to be driven – and, above all, friends without number, who treated me with a respect amounting to veneration (for, it must be remembered, I was the richest man in the county), and with a degree of affection little short of idolatry; but whom, however, I thought very troublesome, tiresome people, seeing that they visited me too often, and wearied me to death with long conversations about every thing.

Among them all, there was but one for whom I felt any friendship; and he was a young doctor named Tibbikens, for whom my sister Ann had a great respect, and who had been retained by her to assist in taking care of my digestive apparatus – that same digestive apparatus of mine being a hobby on which my sister lavished more thought and anxiety than I believe she did upon her own soul – not meaning to reflect upon her religion, however, for she was a member of the Presbyterian church, and quite devout about the time of communion. The cause of her solicitude, as she gave me frequent opportunity to know by her allusion to the fact, was her having been once afflicted in her own person with a disorder of the digestive apparatus, which it had been the good fortune of Doctor Tibbikens to cure by a regimen of bran bread and hickory ashes water; and hence her affection for the doctor and the remedy. I liked the doctor myself because he had the same solicitude about my health, without troubling me with advice except when I asked it, or finding much fault when I did not follow it; because his conversation was agreeable, except when he was in a scientific humour, and did not require any efforts on my part to keep it up; because he liked terapins and white-backs as well as myself, and was of opinion they were wholesome, provided one ate them in moderation; and, in fine, because he took pains to help me to amusement, and was of great assistance in dissipating somewhat of that tedium which was the first evil with which I was afflicted in the body of Mr. Arthur Megrim. I believe the doctor had a strong fancy for my sister; but she used to declare she could never think of marrying, and thus being drawn from what she felt to be the chief duty of her existence, namely – the care of my digestive apparatus.