Nursery Comedies

MISS DOBSON

CHARACTERS

BERTHA.

EVA.

DOROTHEA.

FANNY.

MISS DOBSON

All entering together

Bertha. – Are we very late, Miss Dobson?

(Looking round them.)

Dorothea. – Why, there is nobody here!

Fanny. – Where can she be?

Eva. – Perhaps she is late.

B. – Miss Dobson is never late.

F. – What is that letter on the table? Why, it's her writing! It's a letter from Miss Dobson!

F. – With our names written on it!

D. – It must be to say why she has not come.

B. – Quick! Let's open it.

E. – (Snatches at it.) No, no, I'll open it.

D. – Let us all open it together, and read it at the same time.

All. – Capital!

(They all rush at the letter which they tear in two.)

D. – Now, then, what shall we do?

B. – We shall have so much less to read.

E. – Let us see what is on this piece.

All. – (Reading together.) "My dear children, I am obliged to go off to Clapham by the ten o'clock train, to see my mother who is ill."

D. – Go to Clapham!

F. – By the ten o'clock train!

B. – To see her mother who is ill!

E. – Oh, how delightful!

B. – How delightful that her mother should be ill?

E. – No, of course not. I mean, how terrible!

All. – Poor Miss Dobson's mother!

D. – Come, let us see what else she says.

All. – (Reading.) "I shall not be back until the evening."

F. – She won't be back until the evening!

E. – We shall have a holiday then! (All dancing round.) A holiday! A holiday!

D. – Here's the other piece of the letter which we haven't read.

(They pick it up and read it.)

D. – (Reading.) "I hope you will be good children, and work by yourselves."

All. – Work by ourselves!

D. – (Reading.) "You can prepare your German, history, and geography, and do some drawing and practising."

F. – I never heard such a thing.

B. – I do call that a shame!

D. – It's horrid doing one's lessons alone.

E. – But still, it's nice not being scolded when one makes mistakes.

F. – I am quite sure I can't do my geography alone, because I never can find the additional towns on the map.

E. – Besides, Mamma does not like us to bend over the atlas, she says it is bad for the eyes.

D. – As for the drawing, we certainly can't do it, because Miss Dobson has got the key of the cupboard, where the soft pencils are.

B. – And as for the German, I never can find the words in the dictionary.

E. – And I certainly can't practise alone, because I never know where to put my thumb in the scale of F sharp minor.

F. – And I never know where to put my little finger in the scale of B.

D. – Then the only thing we can do alone is the history.

B. – And there will be quite time enough for that this afternoon.

F. – Then, in that case, we have our whole morning free.

B. – Oh, how delightful!

E. – Let's play at hide-and-seek.

F. – You all hide, and I'll come and look for you.

(Hides her face in her hands. The others go towards the door. A bell is heard. They stop.)

F. – (Uncovering her eyes.) A bell!

E. – Who can it be?

(They listen.)

E. – Suppose it were Miss Dobson!

B. – I'll go and see.

(Exit.)

F. – What shall we say if it is Miss Dobson?

D. – That we were going to play at hide-and-seek instead of doing our lessons!

E. – The point is, what will she say!

D. – She'll say a good deal.

Re-enter Bertha

B. – It is Miss Dobson! Her mother is much better. Her sister sent a telegram, and so she did not go to Clapham after all.

F. – What shall we do?

D. – Let's go and tell her how glad we are she has such good news.

B. – Yes, and let's ask for a holiday to celebrate her mother's recovery.

F. – Excellent! Let's go and meet her.

(They rush out to meet her, calling, "Miss Dobson! Miss Dobson!")

THE WIGWAM; or, THE LITTLE GIRL FROM TOWN

CHARACTERS

ELSIE.

MARY.

FANNY.

THE WIGWAM; OR, THE LITTLE GIRL FROM TOWN

Elsie. – Isn't it delightful that Fanny is coming from London to spend the day with us.

Mary. – Indeed it is. We must show her everything as soon as she comes.

E. – Yes, directly – and the first thing must be the wigwam.

M. – Of course it must, and we will tell her all about it, and that it is our own hut in the garden that we have arranged ourselves.

E. – Or shall we make her guess who made it?

M. – Oh yes! That would be lovely! We will take her there, and tell her to shut her eyes quite tight.

E. – Then she won't be able to see the wigwam.

M. – No, that's true. Then she must have them shut all the way through the garden.

E. – And when she gets there, we will say: "Open your eyes, and guess whose wigwam this is".

M. – And, when she has guessed that, we will say: "Now guess who painted it".

E. – And, when she has guessed that, we will say: "Now guess who furnished it".

M. – And, when she has guessed that, we'll say: "Guess who papered it".

E. – She'll be rather stupid if she does not guess that time whose it is.

M. – But, you know, little girls from London are very often stupid, when they come into the country.

E. – That's true. Do you remember when Amy came, she did not know the difference between a goose and a duck?

M. – And she was afraid of the turkey-cock!

E. – And she looked at an oak, and said how very small the chestnuts were!

M. – There's the door-bell. There they are! Now, mind, I am the eldest, so I shall say: "Now, I am going to show you the wigwam" as soon as she comes in.

E. – Before we shake hands?

M. – No! no! After we shake hands.

E. – I think I ought to say it too, you know.

M. – It would be absurd both saying it together, she won't understand.

E. – Oh, yes! she will, if we say it loud and slowly, like this, now then you say it with me (both together): We-are-going-to-show-you-the-wigwam!!

M. – Capital! There she is!

Enter Fanny

E. and M. – (Running round her.) How do you do? How do you do?

(Fanny smoothes her dress which they have crumpled. Elsie and Mary look at each other.)

E. and M. – (Together.) We are going to show you the wigwam. (Very loud and distinctly.)

(Fanny puts her hands over her ears.)

F. – Oh, how loudly you talk! One at a time, if you please. It makes me ill when you shout like that.

E. – We said we were going to show you the wigwam.

F. – What's that? I hate insects.

M. – It isn't an insect! it's a hut in the garden.

F. – That's not so bad. Dear me! how tired I am. (Looks round for a chair.)

E. – (Giving her a chair.) What has tired you so much?

F. – Why, we walked all the way from the station.

M. – The station! Why, it's barely five minutes from here.

F. – I don't care how long it is, it tired me all the same.

E. – We'll go to the wigwam when you are rested.

F. – How far is it?

M. – Just across the garden, on the other side of the lawn.

F. – If I walk across the grass I shall get my feet wet.

E. – Then we'll go by the gravel walk, it's only a few seconds longer.

F. – If I walk on the gravel I shall spoil my kid boots.

M. – You ought to have strong boots like ours for the country.

F. – I can't bear those clumsy boots!

E. – Then how are you going to get to the wigwam?

F. – Why should we go there at all?

M. – Because we wanted to show it to you.

F. – Why?

M. – We want you to guess who furnished it.

F. – The carpenter, I suppose, or the upholsterer, or whoever does those things.

M. – No, we did it.

F. – You!

M. – We papered and painted it all ourselves.

F. – Oh how disgusting!

E. – Disgusting! it was delightful. We did it with paste and with Aspinall.

M. – I love Aspinall.

F. – I don't. I hate having paint on my fingers.

E. – And the paste is quite clean – it's only flour and water.

F. – Flour and water! Ugh! I can't bear things that make one's fingers sticky.

E. – After all, it is very easy to wash off.

F. – I don't like to wash my hands too often, it spoils my skin.

E. – Besides, of course, you need not touch either the paste or the paint.

F. – What shall I do then?

E. – You shall sit down and look round you.

F. – Sit on what?

E. – On an old packing-case covered with chintz! You have no idea what a comfortable seat it makes.

F. – A packing-case! I am sure there would be nails in it that would catch on my dress. I would rather sit in the house on a proper chair.

E. – But you surely don't want to stay in all day, when the sun is shining like this?

F. – That's just it, I don't like to sit in the sun. I shall get freckled.

M. – Do you like to be out in the damp, then?

F. – Oh no, indeed! It takes the curl out of my hair.

M. – What shall we do, then? It's so dull sitting in here.

F. – Very! but I knew before I came it would be dull.

M. – (Aside.) Isn't she rude!

E. – (Aside.) Hush! (To Fanny.) I'll tell you what we will do. We'll go into the poultry-yard, it is shady there.

F. – Well, what is there to see in the poultry-yard?

E. – Oh, all sorts of things. We can look for eggs and bring in some for breakfast.

F. – I think the servants ought to do that.

M. – Or we can feed the hens.

F. – I wouldn't for worlds! I hate things that come flapping and pecking round my feet.

M. – Then let's go into the stable and we will show you our ponies.

F. – Oh, no! Stables are so smelly, I can't bear them.

E. – Well, is there anything you would like to do? What do you do in London?

F. – I like driving through the streets in an open carriage and looking at the shops.

M. – In that case, you had better have remained in London, as there are no streets here and no shops.

F. – Very well! I shall go and tell my mother that I want to go back.

M. – You had better! (Exit Fanny r.) Come, Elsie, let us go to the wigwam.

(They go out L.)

FOOLISH JACK

CHARACTERS

JACK.

HIS MOTHER.

FOOLISH JACK

Mother. – (Alone.) Jack! Jack! Where is the boy? He can never stay in the house. He must always be running round to all the neighbours. Ah, there he is at last!

Enter Jack

J. – Well, mother, how are you?

M. – I was getting anxious about you. Where have you been all this time?

J. – Oh, I've been seeing the neighbours.

M. – I thought as much. Which neighbours?

J. – First I went to see Father Clumpylump.

M. – Indeed! Father Clumpylump! Honest man! And what did he say to you?

J. – He gave me a needle for a present.

M. – A most useful present! Where is it?

J. – I stuck it into a bundle of hay that was standing in a cart, and then I could not find it again.

M. – I should think not, indeed! You ought to have stuck it into your sleeve.

J. – That's just what Father Clumpylump said.

M. – And he was quite right. And then?

J. – Then I went to call on Goody Grumbles.

M. – Indeed! Goody Grumbles, dear, old soul! And what had she to say?

J. – Not much; but she gave me a knife.

M. – A knife! Another most useful present! Where is it, then?

J. – I stuck it into my sleeve, and it fell out on the way.

M. – Of course it did. You ought to have put it into your pocket.

J. – That's just what Goody Grumbles said.

M. – And she was quite right. And then?

J. – And then I went to see Uncle Crabstick.

M. – Uncle Crabstick! Did he give you anything?

J. – Yes, he gave me a lamb.

M. – A lamb! How delightful! Where is it, then?

J. – I crammed it into my pocket, and it was stifled.

M. – I should think it was! Into your pocket! Good heavens! Whoever thought of putting a lamb into his pocket! You should have tied a rope round its neck and led it carefully along.

J. – That's just what Uncle Crabstick said.

M. – I should think he did! And then?

J. – Then I went to see Auntie Jumblewig.

M. – That was quite right. Did she give you anything?

J. – She gave me a splendid ham.

M. – A ham! I am glad. That will come in useful. Where is it?

J. – I tied a rope to it, and led it carefully along the road, but some dogs ate it up while I was not looking.

M. – Of course they did, you foolish boy! You should have carried it on your head.

J. – That's just what Auntie Jumblewig said when she saw me start.

M. – Of course she did! and then?

J. – I went to see Cousin Peter.

M. – Cousin Peter! And what did the good man say to you?

J. – Not much; but he gave me a calf.

M. – A calf! How generous! Where is the calf then?

J. – I tried to carry it on my head, but he kicked my face, so I let him go.

M. – Serve you right! How could you be so foolish as to carry a calf on your head? You should have taken him to the cow-house and settled him in a nice warm corner, with plenty of straw.

J. – That is just what Cousin Peter advised me to do.

M. – He was quite right. And then?

J. – I went to see Rose.

M. – I am glad you went there. Rose is a charming girl. Was she well disposed towards you?

J. – Very. Indeed, she came here with me.

M. – Where is she, then?

J. – I took her to the cow-house, and settled her in a nice, warm corner, with plenty of straw.

M. – In the cow-house! Rose! Wretched boy! You should have brought her into the best parlour, and asked her to marry you.

J. – That's just what she said.

M. – And she was quite right. Quick! Quick! Let us fetch her.

J. – I should like that very much.

M. – Come, then, at once! Oh, you foolish Jack!

(Exeunt.)