Maggie (swings her broom around her head). Shoo! Ye are trespassing, d'ye mind! (They retire.)
Frank. Doctor, for all the trouble you have endured to-day, I, and I alone, am to blame. We are all interested in your success, and, to insure that success, Lucy and I put our heads together.
Dr. A. And your arms about each other – yes.
Frank. And concocted a scheme which has succeeded admirably. (Oldbuck, Plumpface, Sharpset, and Dennis look at each other, then stealthily approach, C.)
Maggie (flourishing broom). Shoo! Away wid ye's! Have ye's no manners, ye hathens?
Frank. You have your hands full of patients now, from the fact that it has leaked out that you had under your charge a high-born lady. You know that one good customer will attract others. Your success is assured, and our happiness, I trust, not in the distance, as it appeared to be an hour ago.
Dr. A. And you have deceived the trusty public, and given me position by a lie.
Frank. No, for "The Duchess of Dublin" is still under your roof. Have you forgotten the title I gave to Maggie? and she certainly was your patient.
Dr. A. I never thought of that, Frank. I owe you much. But if ever you attempt another such trick —
Frank. But I shan't. This one will give me a wife (takes Annie's hand), and there will be no more mischief in me.
Dr. A. Lucy, what have you to say for yourself?
Lucy. O, I'm delighted. It brings our wedding day so much nearer.
Dr. A. Well, I suppose I must be satisfied then. Gentlemen (all come down R. and L.), I have rather neglected my business to-day, but, having such a mysterious patient, I think you will pardon me. I intend, in the future, to give my attention strictly to village practice.
Oldbuck. It's all right, doctor. I'm proud to have as my physician a gentleman who has been the medical attendant of so distinguished a personage.
Plumpface. Yes, indeed, you've sent my cough off in a hurry, just by your advice; and if you can keep it from my head —
Dr. A. No fear, Mr. Plumpface. I'll cure your head in short order.
Sharpset. Say, doctor, can't you give me the address of the lady? I'll make her a splendid offer to take a position in my Living Curiosity Gallery.
Dr. A. No, that would be betraying profound secrecy.
Dennis. Sacrecy, is it? Be jabers, it's no sacret that she's gone. Ye've a sthrong lift in the profession, and I've a mind to engage ye's to docther the nine childer, if ye'll make the fays conform to the size uv thim.
Enter Abigail, L.
Abigail. And has she gone? and am I bereft of her autograph? O, cruel doctor! to so basely deceive a lone orphan —
Dr. A. Now don't! Say no more about it, my dear miss – madam. It was a mistake. If you will pardon me, I will endeavor to obtain for you the autograph of the king of the Cannibal Islands, in red ink, made from the blood of a missionary.
Abigail. Will you? O, then I forgive you, with all my heart.
Dr. A. (to audience). Ladies and gentlemen, you have witnessed the success of Dr. Aconite during the last half hour in obtaining patients. It may possibly occur to you that they have been obtained by false pretences. But am I to blame? Maggie, come here. (Maggie comes down L. of Dr. Aconite.) I am seeking patients, and want a good recommendation. What can you say for me?
Maggie. Sure, ye's the illigant docther, so ye are, an' it's a plisure to be sick wid the chance of being cured or kilt by the loikes uv ye's.
Dr. A. You hear what she says. Can I hope for your support? Will you become my regular patients? If you will, it shall be my endeavor to serve you well; and you know I can bring a high recommendation from no less a personage than her grace, "The Duchess of Dublin."