For better and for worse

June 2012
A feeling of love

There is a girl with shining eyes,

Her lips a mixture of the world’s best red wines,

Her thinking is just the same than mine.

The way she smiles is like the sun,

When she’s with me we have a lot of fun,

When we cannot talk then I miss her so much.

What is it like to get so close in a short time,

To know someone is the same,

Who takes you through sweet moments, never leaves you in the rain.

I think if two perfectly-matching people meet then it’s destiny,

Something we shall enjoy, just you and me,

With our cheering heart, I will even accompany you through the dark.

Tears

Tears are running from my eyes,

Sadly, curly and with a small size,

On a rainy day,

It seems my pain can’t fade away.

My heart hurts like bleeding,

But my hope is not leaving,

There must be someone who can understand,

A love story with a happy end.

Alone but not lonely,

Because there are so many tears,

Something that keeps me warm,

A moment without fears.

A second, a minute, an hour, a day,

It’s like this day won’t pass away,

The clock must be standing still,

An empty space, just unfilled.

A broken heart, for you it means nothing at all,

My body feels cold, but my tears still fall,

Like after the rain the ground is wet,

I’m getting tired, just need to go to bed.

Silence – only tears hide the unmentioned words,

So deep, so heavy, this pain – it really hurts,

I want nobody else, only you in my life.

When will you come to be my wife?

Cold Spring

A day in spring, the flowers are still wet from the rain, the wind is a bit cold, but everyone is smiling, enjoying the day. No one knows my feeling inside. I just smile. Whoever smiles to me, I try to smile back. In my heart it is so grey, so uncomfortable and I am feeling like I want to be alone, so that I don’t need to fake my smile, but I do because I’m sitting on a bench in a crowded place. Why can everyone be so happy, why is it only me who cannot enjoy the lovely day, and still I enjoy the moment to know not to be alone at all. And anyways, I can’t share my secret with others – my broken heart. I don’t dare to let anyone see it. I should be happy because I fell in love, but I am so afraid to get refused by her, too afraid not to be brave enough to love again – to stay alone for years! What can I be without her? Without her I have no one to share my mood except my best friend, and furthermore, I am afraid to make my best friend worrying because I am depressed these days. I need her, so she can listen, smile to me, give me warmth, the certain feeling of being loved by someone who can really understand, who can accompany me, to share sweet moments together. But just now there is an uncertain feeling, a sad feeling, november mood. Does she really care? Would she pay any attention to me if she knew my sorrow? Pessengers are passing the bench. Then a young couple passes hand in hand smiling and chatting. I try not to look at them, I feel so ashamed. I could have so many things which would make me lucky, but why I cannot have this little piece of luck? Certainly, it is better to be loved than loving somebody. When being loved, you receive a warm feeling, supporting you, caring you, making you comfortable and so lucky, while loving somebody is such a vague thing. You might give a lot and don’t receive anything back, maybe not even any attention! I want to cry, but I can’t. I can’t show my feeling to any pessenger crossing the bench. If somebody saw it, everyone would ask me what has happened and I could not tell it. However, nobody would care about it anyways. Many people means many different characters, but many just spend too much time on themselves than caring about others. They just run after their own things leaving everything behind. Another couple passes the bench, kissing and hugging and I wonder who has been hurt by them before by not paying any attention to somebody who might need it, to somebody who did anything for them and still they were not treasured. I can’t believe that they have really found their luck, because they seem to be too fresh in love in their eyes and who knows if this luck will stay? Who knows if one of them will sit on a bench in a crowded park one day with deep sorrow because of breaking up, and anyways, I wish they can be really lucky together without breaking up, without hurting each other, without suffering but caring about others instead and being heartful to the people who don’t have this little luck. Suddenly a beautiful girl sits down next to me and asks “How are you?”. I don’t want to answer, I just smile, stand up and walk away.

You forgot me, but I can’t forget you

A sense of love, but emptiness in heart,

A desire that feels like fire, and in the heart there’s a dart.

But the lonliness rushing through the dark,

And in the corner sleeps a spark.

But when I think back, it comes so near,

This feeling it is still here,

Inside, a painful feeling,

My heart, it is still not healing,

Too many wounds you brought me,

And anyways you cannot see,

I hide it deep in myself,

And longing for happiness,

An unpayable wealth.

When you left, you didn’t care about me,

My real feelings you didn’t want to see,

But long ago you told me, this kind of girl you could never be.

You just changed and you knew what you were doing,

You thought, the pain I could swallow,

But still there’s so much sorrow,

You asked me to forget you,

But because of what you’ve done, that’s what I can’t do.

Levoča

Old but fashioned,

Friendly and warm,

A place that you and me adore.

A town well known by history,

Slovakia the beautiful mother of thee,

Where everyone in lifetime once should have been.

So far from here, and still unseen,

The wonderful landscape appears in my dream,

When I see you I forget that I sleep.

Once in autumn, you sang to me “come here”,

That was the time when I wanted to come near,

I want to dream again that you are never so far,

My beautiful Levoča.

Deserve me

Sometimes we have to go many ways,

When somebody hurts you, the pain, it stays,

You struggle with the pain day and night,

Where is the hope, what can make me delight?

But no matter how hard you try to make me sad,

No matter how often you will make me mad,

Even if you think I’m crazy,

I fight for my dreams, I never get lazy.

You brought me feelings like november,

But even if my heart is broken for a thousand times,

I secretly can love again,

But when?

I will move forward to pursue my dream,

Nothing can stop me, even if you scream,

I will get what I deserve, I can have something better,

So I don’t care about you, it really doesn’t matter.

Awaiting

Should I feel happy or should I feel sad,

The longing in my heart, my secret dream, is it what I will get?

I told you, but I am still waiting for an answer, and new hope in my heart,

Awaiting – and still no words from your side, my heart is not yet apart,

And in a moment I think of you I feel so happy,

But my heart is still chappy,

I don’t know what you will say,

And if you agree, will you stay?

Awaiting – for two days, it feels like two weeks,

And knowing you care me brings a color on my cheeks,

But no answer from you, does it mean you did not receive it?

Or do you ignore me, and you don’t wanna see it?

You have to face the truth – now or later,

But if you let me alone, I’m not going to wait for ya,

So think of it quickly and tell me soon,

Because I am ready to love again.

It’s not your fault

If you always try your best, but you sometimes get strange reactions from others, it is not always your fault! Some people just don’t care about life or like to be rude to others. You shall go your way anyways, and if somebody hurts you and you can’t do anything without having a disadvantage for yourself then just ignore what the person said and forget the matter. In this way, the person can’t damage you, because forgetting the person is good for your own soul, and not reacting to the person might make him angry, but your soul is in peace. This means the other person is weaker and you are stronger. You need no weapon, no violence. Just win the fight by being yourself and avoid that he makes you angry by using the wisdom of your heart. That makes you always the winner – the silent winner. Even if the other person doesn’t know that he couldn’t make you feel bad, you are the winner because you didn’t give in.

It’s never too late

Some things should be kept secret,

Even if I may regret,

This thing that you cannot know,

Because it is me who didn’t show.

I wonder if you thought the same,

I never asked, but it’s not to blame,

Being afraid of coming close is not a shame,

Finding the right way, that’s the best aim.

Silent thoughts about the days we had fun,

About all the happy things we have done,

If you have had asked, then you would have won,

It’s not too late, the day will come.

Some things just don’t want to be spoken out,

Some things you just can’t say aloud,

They have to be felt without words,

But have the meaning like the noises of a big crowd.

And if you believe in fate, you will know,

It’s never too late!

Summer Nights

The glance of this summer nights will never go away,

It is something special I will remember everyday.

It is something I really honour, really treasure,

Between music and people, a feeling of pleasure,

A night I enjoyed, no feeling of pressure.

July 2012
Today I had a thought of you

Today I had a thought of you,

It is not that worth thinking of you,

I know you have another one,

And all what happened between us is done.

You can keep him if you want,

I don’t care anymore about what you want,

You abused my trust, you really scared me,

All the tears I cried in the deep blue sea.

Not only the memories are left,

In fact it is only you who left,

And so you went away,

I never forced you to stay.

The biggest luck was being without you,

I can go a better way in life without you,

I will show you that I don’t need you,

And honestly, you don’t need me too.

Loneliness

The moon, the silence, no voice, no sound,

No animal so late, still going around,

No bird in the leaves, no cat on the ground,

No water drop from the leaves is falling down.

The river is silent, no frog shows up,

So empty the night, so far away the delight,

Where is the hope when we need it the most,

Not even an answering voice arose.

Big lights, many cars, many people,

Casinos, restaurants, bars, people on the streets,

He ignores them all, just now, it’s not what he needs,

He cannot hear them, cannot see them, no one understands.

And still we all wonder if somebody throws himself in front of a train,

No one saw him, when there was no light in his heart, but only the rain,

Everyone ignored, nobody cared, but everyone asks when it’s too late,

Why did it happen, has this really been his fate?

Why we ignore the people in need,

We weren’t by their side when they needed us indeed,

Who lends them their hand,

Who gives them a possibility to stand?

When they dangle over the abysm,

When nothing seems to make sense,

Who will give them the sun,

Why not giving it? What worse they have done?

We should all be more caring,

We are all human beings,

In the silence you have me,

A loving and caring person, that is what we all have to be.

Cold frozen night

The wind is loudly knocking on the window,

It’s the same than in my heart, I just feel so,

A restless heart is searching for peace, saying “let it go”.

The wind blows faster, faster and faster,

Outside there must be a big disaster,

Just like the pain in my heart that I can’t master.

My heart just can’t cool down,

Why the yours I cannot own,

My heart is broken as if it was thrown.

You cannot understand what a refusal means in heart,

You do not know how it feels, thousand broken pieces, apart,

Your coldness so near, the way I know you so far.

In my dreams I hold you tight,

The way to our heart, warm and bright,

But all I feel now, a cold frozen night.

This is why I love you so

When I am so sad, I am afraid of being a little offensive to you, but that is not what I want. I want happiness for you and me. You and me wouldn’t it be perfect? Perfect like the whole universe and we could watch the stars. Stars so bright and warm like the love. Love, that I wish to receive. To Receive only from you. You just do not care about me, like I care about you. You cannot understand my deep sadness, and I feel depressed. Depressed because I love you. I love you, but I am afraid my love is a pressure for you, because we both cannot enjoy it. And there should be no offense. Love has to come from heart. From my heart yes, from your heart NO. Maybe this is why I love you so!